Crafting With Little Ones {Re-Post}

This is one of my all-time favorite posts and it was written well before I had many readers. I'd like to share it with you again because I think that the message is important if you want to foster a love of creativity in your children from a young age: It's not the outcome that matters; the process is most important.

The Best Boyfriend... EVER!

See this kid?

He's been deemed "The Best Boyfriend EVER!" You see, things are looking up for my oldest. Being a year younger than his classmates wasn't really a problem until he hit middle school. He struggled with the whole "girl" thing. By the time he hit high school, last fall, he had pretty much given up on thinking any girls would be interested in him simply because he was a little younger than them. But, he managed to learn something that many adults fail to realize: Age really doesn't matter - it's more about who you are. And, though I'm his mom, I'm not just bragging when I tell you that he's an amazing person. Empathetic, polite, level-headed, and thoughtful are the first words that pop into my head when I try to describe him.

I was so happy for him when he home home with the announcement: "I have a girlfriend!" He's been walking on air since. It's amazing what a huge boost this has been to his self-esteem. Additionally, his attitude around here has gone from typical apathetic teenager to mature and helpful young man. I'm so proud of him!

He attended his first high school dance last Saturday. The dance was set to begin at 7pm. So, naturally, he started getting ready at noon! Every 15 minutes, he was in the bathroom combing his hair, brushing his teeth, putting on MORE cologne, etc. (We had a talk about how to put that stuff on. He seemed to be under the impression that, if he couldn't smell it, no one could.) He tried on a bunch of nice shirts, picked one out, then asked me to show him how to iron it. Yeah - he didn't just ask me to do it, he wanted me to teach him! With all of his pacing and looking at the clock all day, I think I was more nervous for him than he was by the time 7 o'clock rolled around. But, it all went off without a hitch. He came home smiling from ear-to-ear and went directly to the computer...

You see, I don't know if it's common all over the place, but kids around here don't talk on the phone or even text each other. They use Facebook to instant message and leave each other little status updates, write on walls, etc. The minute he's in for the night, he's asking to use the computer. He'll spend hours "socializing" with his friends online. WAY different than when I was his age. Back then, I had two choices: talk on the phone, or "hang out." Talking on the phone was pretty difficult. Call-waiting wasn't all that common, so my phone calls were limited to five minutes. You can't get much "you hang up first... no YOU hang up first!" with that kind of time limit. So, we usually congregated somewhere. The mall was the place to be in the wintertime, but not much fun when you had no money. You could go to a friend's house and stare at MTV for a few hours (remember when they actually played music videos all of the time???) Or, we just stood outside on a corner in our little suburban community - but it had to be where no one's parents could see us through a window (as if we were doing anything beside saying, "So, what do you want to do? I don't care... whatever YOU want to do.") Anyway, kids nowadays don't actually hang out with each other unless it's a special event. And they don't even talk to each other. They type to each other, each from the comfort of their own homes. I can't help but wonder what this generation will be like in their 20's - will they have drinking parties via Skype?! But, I'm getting way off the subject of why my kid is the best boyfriend ever...

He really wanted to get his girlfriend a nice gift for St. Valentine's Day. We just don't have any money to give him and it's hard to find a job when you're his age. So, ever the thinker, he came up with a plan and spent a lot of time collecting empty cans to turn in for deposit (they're worth $0.10 each in Michigan!) He managed to save up enough to buy his girlfriend this:

Yeah, a huge heart-shaped box of truffles. When my husband saw it, he teased my son by saying, "Thanks for raising the bar! Now I have to do something extra special for your mom!" That little comment just made my kid beam. He knew he did a great job.

He came home today and went directly into his room. All I could think was that either something happened to that candy between the time he left home this morning and when he had planned on giving it to his girlfriend. No, he was just taking a nap. Seems he had been up all night last night, nervous for today. But, it all went well. She absolutely loved the candy in the fancy box. He asked me if he could tell her how he paid for it and I advised him to only mention it if asked. She asked, did the teenage girl "Awwww!", and gave him a huge hug, declaring, "You're the BEST boyfriend EVER!"

Now, he's not just the best according to one girl. Nope. Word got around school, you know. By the end of the day, he was considered the best boyfriend by the majority of the freshman girls in his school. I'm wondering if the other classes will hear about this on Facebook tonight? He might be the best boyfriend (EVER!) in the entire school by tomorrow morning.

Here We Go... Again!

I am so sorry that I've been AWOL for so long. Things have been pretty bad around here, but I'm working hard to set things straight. Please don't take the following as a bunch of whining. I'm trying to figure out the best way to lay it out for you so you can understand without sounding as if it's the end of the world. It's not.But I want to be honest about this stuff, too. Just know that, while these things weigh on me every day, I won't let the bad dominate the good. Sometimes just acting cheerful can help bring up your spirits to where you're no longer acting.

OH, What a Day It's Been!

Yesterday was a blissful day filled with peace. When Little Guy awoke, he sat up, stretched, and said, "A new day!" Made me smile to hear him say that because when I wake up, I usually say it to myself, in my mind. He must have made up his mind then and there to try his hardest to be "nice" to everyone. (We use "nice", "mean", "happy", etc. to describe how we're feeling and acting around here - I avoid "good" and "bad" as much a possible.) He was nice! He didn't whine or cry a split second after he realized we weren't going to do things his way. Instead, he would say, "Stop, stop, stop! I have to talk now. I want ____ because ___." And, we listened. Sometimes, he ended up getting what he wanted, other times we were able to explain calmly and rationally why he couldn't have what he wanted. He'd be sad or angry for a minute or two (and he told us this), so we'd try to help him cope with those feelings. Then, we'd move on.

There was no yelling, throwing toys, hitting, or deliberately doing the exact opposite of what we asked or what he knew to be one of our steadfast rules.All of those are things that usually occur on a daily, and sometimes hourly, basis around here. When I suggested that he might like to lay down to rest, he hopped into bed. At dinnertime, he told me how yummy the bread was. He kept his toys cleaned up without me even asking him. When he laid down in bed that night - ON HIS OWN - to go to sleep, I started to wonder what happened to my kid. Did he switch personalities with some other kid? Were there parents somewhere wondering why their normally easy-going and docile child had acted like a little nut all day?

Then today happened and I know that he didn't have a major shift in personalities. I woke up when he jabbed my closed eyes with his fingers. Before I could even sit up, he was jumping on the bed and demanding that I make him some tea, "NOW, MAMA!" Well, at least I knew better than to count on yesterday's behavior coming back again today, right?

But, you see, today has been quite awful and has put me to the test. I think that all of the orneriness that he didn't release yesterday built up and just popped a cork. It came pouring out today. Now, usually he drinks his tea and I drink my coffee first thing in the morning while we talk about our plans for the day. I'll make a list of what needs to be done and he'll come up with the fun ideas. My stuff consists of cleaning and cooking, his has things like "Do a project with paint" and "Go to the library". Well, today's list was a little different. His plans went like this:

• I not goin' to listen to anybody
• I goin' to make a mess
• I not clean my toys
• I throw cars
• I goin' to be loud
• I throw my food on floor and smash it
• I goin' to head-bup [head-butt] and bite Brubber

It goes on and on - he pretty much listed everything that he could possibly think of that we do not like him doing.I diligently wrote his list out for him and then we went over it and I asked him why he wanted to do each thing. We really couldn't come up with answers. I thought maybe he'd had a bad dream and woke up angry or upset, but his dreams sounded like good ones to me.

Now, one of the things about our lists is we get to cross things off as we do them. And I really didn't know what to do with this list he had made. We weren't going to keep it! I asked him if maybe we could make a new list of fun things to do and he agreed. So we got rid of the old one and made a more normal list. Well, I might have thrown out the written list, but he had it in his head and crossed out every one of his plans before lunch. He's finally taking a nap and I am hoping he'll wake up in a much better mood. I don't know if I can stand an entire evening with this mess. Evenings are usually his worst behavioral times anyway, so I'm pretty creeped out by the thoughts of his determination to be a monster boy added to an already nasty time of the day...

I can't help but wonder if he's conducting an experiment. Maybe he's planned it all out: One day be nice, the next day be mean. Maybe he'll be an amazingly happy kid tomorrow? I can't see it happening in a child so young, but he's never been typical in his thinking. Only time will tell...

And, when he wakes from his nap, I'm filling him up with some chamomile and peppermint tea. It's worth a try to get him relaxed right away!

Positively Negative... Until Now. {Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Remember when I vowed to make sure I posted on this every Friday? Well, I didn’t plan on Thanksgiving to give me such a feeling of blah. I just didn’t have the motivation to write. I’ve posted some giveaways and a couple of other things, but it’s not like I was writing something spectacular, you know?

And other thing: I’ve really been procrastinating on this particular post. As I wrote in the intro post to the third topic, Being Positive, I gave a ton of reasons that explain why it is important to be a positive parent. I believe them all to be true. I don’t think that the occasional negative attitude will screw up my kids’ well-being for life. But, looking up, rather than down, most of the time is best. That said, I must confess that I have a very hard time being positive. I haven’t always been this way. The more I saw promises go unfulfilled, the more lies I was told, the more I built something up only to watch it crumble before my eyes… Well, it hurt more each time it happened.

Even the little things started to get to me. Things like planning a family picnic. I’d tell my husband that I’d like to go on a picnic next Saturday. Throughout the week, I’d remind him. We’d talk about bringing some games, should we pack a meal or bring a bunch of sacks, would we bring a blanket to sit on or can we sit at picnic tables, etc. Toward the end of the week, I’d start mentioning that I’d like to leave at a certain time. On the day of the picnic, hubby would inevitably wake up with a headache or some other ailment. So, staying positive, I’d try to get things together by myself: make and pack food, get all of the kids’ supplies together, get the kids dressed, get myself ready… All while trying to keep an eye on a very wily toddler! The entire time, I’d be positive, “Oh, this extra rest will help him feel better!” Thirty minutes before it was time to leave, I’d go see how hubby was feeling. He’d get up and ever-so-slowly start to get ready. An hour later, he’d still be screwing around, doing a million things that he doesn’t need to do that suddenly become important NOW. The kids would start to get restless, fight with each other, get hungry… I’d finally just tell hubby he could stay home. He’d act disappointed, but agree that I should just take the kids by myself… again. The whole picnic would end up being a disaster. I’d be grouchy from the entire thing with my husband. The kids would still be tired and hungry. Little Guy would hit “I can’t hear a word you say to me” mode. I’d end up yelling, we’d leave the park much sooner that expected, I’d get home and just be so disappointed in everything.

So, I taught myself to think of all of the bad things that could happen. I’d make myself believe that they’d all occur. I figured that, that way, when something went right, it’s be a bonus! Suddenly, I was thinking negatively about everything. I became a helicopter mama – Little Guy could fall off the playground steps and crack his head open. Someone might see my oldest walking to his friend’s house and kidnap him. Every little thing had me freaking out. It wasn’t fun.

My oldest snapped me out of it. One day he had been invited to go with a friend to one of those splash mountain water park places. He came home, excited, and told me all about it and how much fun he’d have. Then he started adding little things like, “I hope their car doesn’t break down this week so we can’t go.” And, “I wonder if their floors are slippery? I don’t want to fall and get hurt.” There were more of these comments until he had talked himself into believing that something was going to happen between now and the date of the trip that would prevent it from happening. He comforted himself from the disappointment by deciding that it would probably be better if he didn’t go because it could end up being dangerous both driving there and at the water park. Isn’t it interesting how our children show us the real reflection in the mirror?

I knew I had to stop the negativity. I knew, but it was hard to do. I can’t stop myself from feeling crushed when my hope is trampled. I still haven’ figured out how to do this. I have learned to not be expectant of anything – in either a positive or a negative way. When I plan a picnic, I just plan. I don’t expect it to be good or bad, I just expect that we’ll have a picnic. It’s not as fun as getting excited about it and anticipating the joy we’ll have together. I’d love to be positive all of the time – LOVE IT. However, I am not ready for it.

Right now, I think that passively planning for things is best for me. I know I can’t expect everything to go wrong all of the time. I also know that I cannot take the emotional roller coaster that excitement and disappointment will bring. I am working on being positive, though, in small steps. This holiday season, for instance, I have decided to try to be positive. I made an Advent calendar and included little activities to do for each of the 24 days. They are little holiday activities that run the gamut from easy, five-minute crafts to spending a few hours at a museum. Rather than thinking of all that could go wrong or thinking of nothing at all while I plan, I am going to try to let myself get excited about our daily activities. I think that the trick, for me, is to not put any real expectations into the excitement. In other words, I will try my best not to envision us, as a family, walking hand-in-hand through the museum – with the kids cooperating with each other, Little Guy following all of the rules without my having to remind him, Hubby chatting away at me and happy to be there… Nope, I’m just going to be excited to get out of the house to go look at the decorated Christmas trees on display there.

Hopefully, by being a little positive in each of our daily activities, I will form a habit of thinking positive when it comes to other things.
Click HERE to add this linky to your own post!

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 3: Being Positive

  If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

 How many times have you had something good happen to you only to think, "Well, that was the good news, now where's the bad news?" Do you rehash the negative things that occur in your life? When your family has great plans that the kids are excited over, do you remind them that things may fall trough (like the trip to the beach could be canceled due to rain)? When you child tries something new and almost gets it right, do you say, "Next time try doing it this way," instead of just praising them for trying? Maybe you just carry around doubts in your head about the decisions you've made?

These are all manifestations of negative thinking. Some are more destructive than others, but they all can create negative feelings inside yourself. And negativity doesn't just ruin your day. It can cause health problems and even be the key that unlocks the door to depression and a ton of other mental illnesses. And our negativity doesn't just affect ourselves. Our children are learning from us.

Do you really want Johnny to refuse to learn how to ride his bike because he just knows that he'll fall? Should a child learn to be cautious of every good situation because something bad may happen that could ruin the "good" part? Think of how a carefree childhood can become one filled with fear and sadness due to learning negativity from Mom and Dad. Chances are, things aren't that bad in most households. But learning negativity over being positive in any one instance can set a child up for a hard time.

Even if our children don't learn the behavior from us by some miracle, it's still important. A miserable parent can't cover up their negativity for long. You may not voice it, but your actions can speak louder than words. Thinking negatively can cause stress. And I know that, when I'm stressed, I get kind of bitchy. I snap at the kids and my husband tiptoes around me. Not a very great way to pass a day - or even an entire childhood!

I think that being positive is a very important topic to consider on your journey toward mindfulness. Having a positive outlook doesn't mean you should be singing all day and just having a great time. Throwing caution to the wind isn't the answer, either. But, thinking of ways to change the negatives into positives and even dealing with the negatives in a positive way can be the answer.

Think of this very negative situation: You don't have the money to pay the gas bill and the utility company comes around and shuts you off. Not a good situation! You can't just ignore it and whistle a happy little tune - you have to worry about it. But freaking out and going over all the bad things in the situation (no hot water, no furnace, no cooking) is just going to cause panic in your child AND teach him or her how they should react in a similar situation. But presenting a positive outlook first, "Hey, guys! We can all have frozen dinners cooked in the microwave for dinner tonight. Then, to stay warm, we can all camp out in the living room together." You can have a family conversation to discuss the problem in a positive manner, too. "Boy, we really need to get the gas turned back on, but we don't have quite enough money to do it. Does anyone have any ideas on how we could get money? How about any ideas about how we can deal with the situation until the gas is back on? We can't eat frozen dinners every night!"

So, this week, we need to think of all of the little ways that we act or think negatively and then find a way to be positive, instead. My plan is to just keep an eye on myself and write down whenever I catch myself being negative. It may be hard to recognize, at first, but I think that a few days will be enough for me to get used to seeing it. Then, I want to go over all of mt negative acts and thoughts figure out could have been positive, instead. The rest of the week will be spent getting into the habit of stopping my initial negativity and turning it into something positive. I hope I can come back here next Friday and give you a great report of how my week went!

If you'd like some other ideas of how to remove the negative and replace it with the positive, read THIS POST at The Parenting Passageway.


If you've written a post on being positive/negative, please add it here. We're aiming at having links added by Dec. 2, when we will begin Topic 4. But, if you'd like to add your post to the lanky after that date, you are welcome to do so - everyone must move at his/her own pace! It does not have to be a new post. This is a collaboration and all aspects are welcome. We can learn from each other and help one another on this journey toward more mindful parenting!

Click HERE to this linky to your own post!

I Have the Coolest Teen!

After we went trick-or-treating tonight, I saw this on Momma Jorje's Facebook status:

"It's Halloween. Tonight a lot of creatures will visit your door. Be open minded. The child who is grabbing more than one piece of candy might have poor fine motor skills. The child who takes forever to pick out one piece of candy might have motor planning issues. The child who does not say "trick or treat" or "thank you" might be shy or non-verbal. The child who looks disappointed when he sees you...r bowl might have an allergy. The child who isn't wearing a costume at all might have SPD or autism. The child who is screaming at the top of her lungs probably can't help it. Be nice. Be patient. Its everyone's Halloween. Make a mom feel good by making a big deal of her special child."

There was one mom who we were able to help a little. She had a little boy who was around 5. I couldn't tell what his costume was, but it was handmade with 2 pieces of poster board - hanging over his shoulders like a sign. She also had a little girl who was around 2. The baby was screaming non-stop. Not the usual "I'm tired" or "I'm having a bad time right now" scream. This was ear-piercing. She kept throwing her candy on the ground and then screaming to have it back.

The poor mom just didn't know what to do. Near the start of trick-or-treating, I heard her say, "If you don't stop, we'll have to go home." The look on that little boy's face was so heart-breaking. I just knew that this little girl probably had more than the usual "Terrible Twos" going on. I could just tell by his face that this would probably be one more time that his little sister's needs were going to come first. (Think of it from a five-year-old's perspective.)

I really didn't want to interfere. That was until one of the other parents LOUDLY made mention of what a terrible parent she must be. This snotty woman made mention of the "shitty" costume and the "bratty" baby. The mama looked like she was going to lose it - even though it was dark, those tears welling up in her eyes were clear as day.

My oldest offered to walk the little boy up to the houses - I was still trying to get my anger under control! So, I just stood with the mom and we talked. The little girl calmed down. It seems she was over-stimulated by all of the decorations and didn't want to go up to the houses. It was just too much for her. Plus, she was extremely introverted and hated going anywhere with people she didn't know around. Every time they started up the walk of a house, she thought they were going to go inside - where there would be people she didn't know. Over and over, they walked up to a house, she freaked out, then they walked away. This repetition caused her to just completely lose it and scream non-stop. My son's simple offer to walk with the little boy fixed it. Two houses down, the little girl stopped crying and was happy to sit quietly in her stroller and observe. She only cried when someone got in her face to say, "Oh, aren't you so cute!" (I'd have cried, too! LOL)

I don't know the mama's name, I don't know anything about them. We didn't get into that stuff. But she thanked me for walking with her - she said it made her feel a little stronger to have "someone on her side." The little boy was so happy with my son. He was holding hands with him and I don't think his smile could get any bigger. He had quite a haul of candy and I just know he was feeling rich!

I am so proud of my son. While I stood there, not knowing what to do, he stood up and did the perfect thing. I'd probably have said something nasty back to snotty woman. Possibly starting a yelling match, most definitely bringing even more unwanted attention to the mama. When I told my son how proud I was of him, on the way home, he looked at me like I was nuts. "What for?" "Uh, helping that little boy have a great Halloween." He just shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes at me. "Mom, it's not like I wasn't going to the houses with Little Guy anyway. What's one more kid?" I'm not sure if he was just playing it off, or if he really had no idea how wonderful his simple action was and what it meant to the mama, her daughter, and her son.

I wish I had seen Mamma Jorge's status before we went out. I'd have shared everywhere. Maybe if I'd have done that, it could have gotten to snotty woman before she had gone trick-or-treating...

Watch Out for Traffic and Falling Things!

Lately, Little Guy's sleeping habits have been all over the place. One day he'll take a normal nap (2pm-4pm), on others, he doesn't take a nap at all. Then there are those days that I think are no-nap days and he crashes on me around 6pm. Those are the tough ones because I never know if he'll stay asleep all night (rarely), or if he'll wake up at 9pm and decide that he's just had the most refreshing nap of all-time. And, his bedtimes change just as frequently. He might fall asleep at 11pm, midnight, 1am... I never know. And there's no rhyme or reason to it. It doesn't matter if he's had a nap, gone for a long walk, or eaten sugary foods. He's going through little growth spurts here and there and how much sleep he needs fluctuates daily.

Since he weaned himself, getting him to fall asleep has been very hard. Nothing like a little mama's milk to knock a kid out, ya know? I've resorted to making "bedtime tea" for him. We have a nice little variety of different teas with the main ingredients being chamomile, peppermint, and lemon balm. I add a little local honey for sweet-tooth appeal. This is usually enough to at least calm (read: quiet) him at night so my oldest can get some sleep - he's growing like a weed and gets up at 5:20am, 6 days a week. Plus there are the neighbors. Our walls are thin, so are the floors. These poor people have a bedroom that sits just below the living room (where our bed is) and their wall is on the other side of our stairwell. Every word echoes perfectly down the stairs and through the wall. The guy that lives down there gets up at 6am - I hear his alarm go off. So, it's very important to the harmony of our little duplex that Little Guy is quiet at least by 10pm.

Now, I have the luxury of being able to catch a nap with him if I happen to be so zonked from lack of sleep that I wouldn't be productive while he sleeps. (IF he naps.) So, I really don't feel the need to regulate his sleeping patterns. He'll even out... eventually. Right?!

Well, Friday night, he fell asleep at 7pm. I really wanted to go to bed early, so I enacted a strict "you must tip-toe and whisper" rule in the house. If he had been awoken at 9 or 10pm, I'd have been screwed. We made it to 11pm and I crawled into bed. That's when my husband decided he needed a snack. That man can make a dish towel crinkle like a bag of chips! He finally finished making his snack and ate it - while watching TV. Did I mention that we all have to suffer because he decided to spend his youth listening to ear-splittingly (no, I don't know if it's a real word) loud music? He finally hits the hay at 12:30am. Yeah, just as I fall asleep, the oldest wakes up freaked out from a weird dream and decides he has to tell me all about it. "Ummm hmmm... yeah? Yeah, that's really strange. Hey, don't you have to get up at 6 for cross country? G'night." Now it's going on 2am. Next thing I know, my eyes are being poked out by buzzards. No, wait... there's giggling. Yeah, guess who's awake and ready to roll?

"Mama, good mornin!"
"Oh, let's see if Thomas is on. I'll get you some milk and honey and you can watch Thomas while Mama wakes up."





I head to the kitchen, start the coffee, and mix him up some milk and honey. While the coffee's brewing, I pop in a Thomas DVD, hand him his drink, and crawl back into bed with him and lightly doze. Then I hear it. It's called Engine Roll Call. "They're 2, they're 4, they're 6, they're 8..." If you know Thomas, you know this song. Around here, it's the "Jumping Song". I brace myself for the full weight of a little body to come crashing down on me. Time to get up, I guess. At least the coffee's done!

Now, it's 5:15 on a Saturday morning. The poor guy downstairs finally gets a day to sleep in. Uh-uh. My very happy little one has decided to be a train... oh, and he's still jumping on the bed... which has squeaky springs.

"CHOOOOOO-CHOOOOOOO!"
"Hey, can you be a quiet train?" I'm whispering for effect. "It's very, very early and people are still sleeping. We need to be quiet so they can get their rest."
Big smile, then a test, "CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."
"Oh, come on! We really need to be quiet. Do you like it when people wake you up? Noooo. You get crabby when people are loud and make you wake up."

He actually sits down and watches another episode of Thomas! I get about half of that first cup of coffee down when he decides he wants to watch the "Truck Show". If you have a little one who loves trucks, trains, etc., then check out the "Lots and Lots...." series. They're amazing DVD's! So, I put the Truck Show into the DVD player and we sing a few of the songs. My eyes are open a little wider. The oldest has rolled out of bed and is getting his own "coffee" (a splash of coffee in a cup of warm Ovaltine

"HONK HONNNNNKKK! I a big Mack truck! HONNNNNK!" Oh no. Not again. He knew that the attention was focused elsewhere and went for it. My fault. Sigh...
"Oh, honey, please try to be a quiet truck. It's very important to be nice to the people downstairs and let them sleep."
"OK, Mama. I not be a truck." Hmm... that was easy!
"WEEEEE-OOOOOO! (repeat. over and over. and over)
"Shhhhh! Man... Look, you really have to be quiet. Look outside, the sun still isn't even awake yet. And I thought you said you weren't going to be a truck anymore."
Bemused look on Little Guy's face, "Oh, Mama! I not truck! I firetruck! WEEEEE-OOOOOO! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"I'm sorry, honey. You really just cannot be a firetruck yet. Firetrucks are very loud and we can't be loud right now, remember?"
"Oh, I fordot. I be a diff'rent thing."
"OK, think of something that's quiet, please."
"WEEEEE-OOOO! WEEEEE-OOOOO!" As I go over to have yet another talk, he quickly says, "I not firetruck, Mama! I bein' a amblalance! Ha ha ha ha!" Yeah, he got me. Silly, silly boy.

It went on like that forever. We finally decided on pretending to be things like fish and elevators. Quiet things. It's not easy to think of quiet things to imitate on just a few hours of sleep and not even a full cup of coffee. I used to get so frustrated over this kind of thing. I used to assume that he was trying to get on my nerves. Just pushing my buttons. But, I know that he's just happy. He wants to express that happiness and he does it by imitating his favorite thing - mainly, anything on wheels - traffic. I used to just shush him, threaten to turn off his show, slam things around (like THAT was showing him how to be quiet!) All he wanted was a little mama time. And, once I got into trying to find things to imitate that are quiet, he calmed right down and played along with me. Even the teen stepped in and pretended to be a chocolate chip cookie on a plate while I ran to the bathroom! There was no power struggle - if he detects one, all bets are off and he will win or we'll have a very, very loud and angry tantrum going on. And who wants to start their very early day on that kind of note? Not me!

 

I'd rather start my day 

as a tall tree whose leaves 

are being blown away 

by the autumn wind.

I'm Sick of Yelling - I Want to Play { #CarNatPar }

Welcome to the September Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how challenging discipline situations can be met with play. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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I'm at a stage in parenting that is just confounding to me. My oldest is now a teenager - starting high school this year! - and truly feels that anything I say must be wrong. Little Guy is driving me up a wall with his almost-3-year-old attitude. I find myself going in a circle with both of them. I start out by reminding myself that I was once their age. I really try to understand situations from their points of view. I explain that, yes, I understand why you want ____, but here's my reason for not allowing ____ at this time. I speak in a low voice, I keep emotion out of it (unless the situation calls for empathy), and I stay firm. This lasts a very short time. I find myself slowly slipping into a angrily slamming things around phase. Then there's the yelling. And, finally, I re-think my position on spanking. That always brings me back to the beginning of the circle and it all starts again.

 This can't be good for any of us. My poor husband really tries to follow my parenting philosophies. When he steps out of those bounds (You Have to Play By the RULES!), I am there to remind him to "play nice" with the kids. Then, he watches as I slowly begin to lose it and become the biggest hypocrite ever. The kids don't know what to expect, either. So, being kids, they push it as far as they can go. If I'd had enough at some point and allowed them to do something that I previously did not allow in a slip of sticking to my words, they'll try 20+ more times to get me to allow that thing again. My oldest uses the talking back and stomping around method (we call it "Humphing"). Whereas, Little Guy does the typical toddler tantrum thing. He throws things, screams, whines, stomps, and occasionally hits or kicks. I see where these behaviors come from - me. It seems to them that the louder and angrier I am, the more I get MY way. Heck, why wouldn't it work for them, too?

I've really been trying to figure out how to change this - for good. That is when I saw that this month's Carnival of Parenting  hosted by Lauren at Hobo Mama and Dionna at Code Name: Mama. is based on Parenting Through Play. Hmm... Both kids like to play. My oldest loves board games and joking around. And Little Guy, well, HE'S ALMOST THREE - of course he likes to play! So, I have a plan that I'm already testing out and fine-tuning. What if I tried teaching my children the lessons they need to learn (the reason behind 99% of the rules in our home) through playing with them?

 Here's how I'm envisioning it (so far):

For the Oldest, it's going to take a little work. I want him to become more responsible for himself. His biggest excuse for everything is, "I forgot." And, you know what? I believe him. But it is infuriating when he constantly forgets everything, all of the time. Little things like picking up dirty socks or throwing a candy wrapper into the trash, middle-ground things like not taking out the trash when the wastebasket is full, and BIG stuff like forgetting to ask his coach for the phone numbers of a few of his cross country teammates so he can catch rides to and from meets (first one is TUESDAY and I have absolutely NO IDEA how it's going to happen for him and no coach's phone number- ARGH!) I've tried charts, calendars, planners, lists, leaving post-it notes everywhere, verbally reminding him... everything I can think of. It works for a few weeks, then we're back to me screaming at him and him shutting down. But, with this new trial of parenting through play, I remembered that he remembers conversations we've had while playing games with each other from way back when he was just 5 years old!

• I am going to try to make time to play board games or cards with him (or my husband can) two to three nights a week. 
• Before the game, I'm making a list of the things that need to be talked about.
• I'll also search for funny quotes or jokes that have to do with the things that he needs to remember and out them on the list, too.

Little Guy is going to be kind of tough, too. He's stubborn right now. I just read a post by Hybrid Rasta Mama about her Mindful Mothering Challenge this morning and, I swear, she was describing my kid! (Off the subject of Parenting Through Play - I'm going to start on this challenge, from The Parenting Passageway ASAP!) Anyway, she described her little one as blatantly doing exactly what Mama doesn't want her to do, and not doing the things Mama really wants/needs her to do. This is Little Guy. I feel like reverse psychology is the main theme of my life - I'm even using it on hubby. I feel like I'm being less-than-honest when I do this. So, Here's what I'm thinking for little guy:

• Books - lots of them - from the library about cooperation. Books that show how happy everyone is when they use teamwork to get the job done right. Books that explain the dangers of doing things like not holding hands in the street and taking off in a busy grocery store so Mama can't find you.
• He loves playing with his Hot Wheels and often has a lot of dialog going on with them. I'm going to try to naturally work in different scenarios that often end up with me yelling and him having a tantrum, but with the endings showing him WHY I have certain rules. Maybe one would be: "Blue Truck" doesn't listen to his mommy when she tells him not to do something and then he gets hurt. Nothing preachy, no, "Let's talk about what that truck just did and how it pertains to you!" kind of lectures. 
• I also saw an idea for something called The "Fix" Game on Dr. Laura Markham's Aha! Parenting. Basically, you take a few minutes out of your day and chase your little one around giving hugs, kisses, and snuggles... Getting your "fix" of your little one for the day. It shows them, very clearly, that you DO love them and gives them the direct attention they need. I've already been doing this a few times a day and I've really noticed a marked improvement in attitude and cooperation from Little Guy. We all need some silly lovin' and, with a kid who automatically goes into negative attention mode whenever he feels no one is paying attention to him, it's so important!!!

Well, this is all I have for now. I find myself thinking of this subject often and brainstorming for Parenting Through Play ideas whenever my mind becomes idle - doing dishes, folding laundry, etc. I would absolutely LOVE to hear anymore ideas from you. My entire parenting scheme needs changing and I have to do it NOW... or else. I've fallen into too many bad habits and that circle I'm rolling around in is making me and my family sick. 

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• On being a more playful parent — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares how the Playful Parenting book impacted her.
• Parenting a toddler through play — Alicia at I Found My Feet lists some examples of how she uses play to parent through everyday tasks and challenges.
• Splashing in Puddles — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares how she learned to get dirty and have fun with her little boy.
• Say Please — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life explains how they taught their son manners by "play," showing that actions speak louder than words.
• No Nanny Needed — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life wishes parenting through play was her only responsibility during the day.
• I'll Run Away With Gypsies — Nikalee at Spotted Pandemonium maneuvers physical and emotional obstacles while spinning playful tales, jumping through hoops, and inspiring the kids to clean the living room.
• A Promise To My Daughter — Lindsey at An Unschooling Adventure writes a poem for her daughter promising to use play instead of anger when facing difficult situations.
• Parenting Through Play — Not Always Easy But Always Rewarding — Amy at Peace4Parents discusses how play hasn't always come easily to her, the power of appreciative observation, and how her family learns together through play.
• Imagination Plays a Role in Our Parenting — Tree at Mom Grooves shares how parents can use play to set the foundation for communication and understanding.
• A Box of Crayons — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction talks about how a simple box of crayons has become a wonderful parenting and teaching tool.
• The Essential Art of Play — Ana at Pandamoly shares some of her favorite lessons available for young ones through play.
• The Art of Distraction — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a list of distracting alternatives to harsh punishments in tough parenting situations.
• Grace and Courtesy Games at Home or School — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has ideas for grace and courtesy games that help you encourage courteous behavior without reprimanding your child.
• I am woman, hear me roar! — Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares how one simple sound can diffuse an argument in an instant.
• Getting Cooperation Through Play — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about respecting the worldview of a preschooler by using play to encourage connection and cooperation.
• Playful Parenting = Extra Energy?? — Momma Jorje didn't think she had the energy for playful parenting. See what she was surprised to learn…
• Dance Party Parenting — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen learned how to be the parent her children need through play.
• Wrestling Saved My Life — Wrestling is as vital to her son's well-being as babywearing once was, finds Hannah at Wild Parenting.
• Parenting through play — By playing with her children, Tara from MUMmedia is given amazing opportunites to teach, train and equip her children for life.
• Parenting Through Play Starts in Infancy — In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, Issa from LoveLiveGrow shares that though she only has a 3-month-old, playful parenting has already started.
• Play Before Sleep — Adrienne at Mommying My Way writes about how playing and singing with her son before he falls asleep helps calm her frustrations that tend to arise at night.
• Playful Parenting — Or 5 Lessons My Son Has Taught Me About Parenting Through Play — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama has learned to be a better parent by following her toddler's lead in play.
• Hurry up! Hurry up! I mean it! Quack, quack, quack! — Kellie at Our Mindful Life leads a trail of ducklings
• On the Road: Learning to Play — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers her inner adult through a summer of playing with her children.
• Preventing Tantrums Through Play — Gaby at Tmuffin explains how she keeps her household happy by not taking things too seriously.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play — Lily, aka Witch Mom, redirects unwanted behavior in a toddler using games and play.
• Exaggerating for effect — Lauren at Hobo Mama has learned how to ham it up.
• Handling Big Emotions with Role Playing — Zoie at TouchstoneZ plays at tempering her parental frustrations while helping her children handle some big emotions
• How To Herd Toddlers by Talking Pictorially — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama demonstrates how talking in pictures is a playful way to engage your young child in transitioning from one activity to the next.
• Getting a Toddler to Go Where You Want…Playfully — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how a game of hide-and-seek can be used to steer a wandering toddler in the direction of her choosing.
• Playful Parenting: Chores That Do Themselves — Remember chores when you were a kid? If chores were this fun for Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey, she wouldn't have needed any reminders!
• Clown School Express: Playing away Fears — MudpieMama describes how she helped her boys confront their fears about starting kindergarten by playing with trains.
• Practicing Playful Parenting — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle realizes that playfulness is the best way through the day and seeks more ways to practice it.
• Today, Tomorrow and Every Day — Starr at Taking Time addresses her children in a letter sharing with them how improtant it is that they spend their childhood playing.
• Learning Through Immersion — Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares how she helps her daughter develop naturally without focusing on teaching, but rather by immersing her in their family's way of life and making her an active part of her environment.
• Play Here Now — Jessica at Instead of Institutions learns and relearns and tries to remember the value of play.
• Play: A Wonderful Parenting Tool — Mamapoekie from Authentic Parenting offers a list of examples on how to use play in real-life parenting situations.
• Playful Parenting — a Book Review — Erica at ChildOrganics shares simple yet sage advice from Dr. Cohen on how play can change your child's life.
• Mock Threats: Turning Real Frustration into Playful Parenting — Threatening is not an effective discipline strategy, but Dionna at Code Name: Mama explains how parents can turn their frustration into playful moments by making "mock threats."
• I'm Sick of Yelling — I Want to Play — Alicia at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts realizes she needs to change the way she's parenting and is forming a new plan.
• Sing-along, Brush-along Songs — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest shares a few songs to make brushing her three-year-old's teeth more fun.
• Monster Voice — Ever have those frustrating moments with your kid(s) when you just want to scream? Amy at Anktangle shares a silly strategy for getting through those difficult times.

Just Another 'First Day of School' Post...

Yeah, I'm jumping on the "First Day of School" bandwagon this year. My little boy is a high school freshman and I just can't seem to grasp that quite yet. It's scary for a mom! I have to get off his back about homework, schedules, and loosen up a bit on the rules now. This is the time when he's supposed to learn how to take care of himself, while still at home with a loving and supportive family there to catch him if he should fall.

Shoes on...

 He skipped a grade way back when he moved from homeschooling to "real" school. So, I think that because he's 13,  not 14 like his classmates, it scares me a little more than most moms. He may have the book smarts to be grouped with these kids, but his maturity and responsibility levels are a little off. We've already had some problems with him remembering things. He is at that "I know what I'm doing" stage and refuses to write anything down because he'll remember it all. He missed his very first cross country meet yesterday because he didn't remember that I told him to ask his coach where the team was supposed to meet to take the shuttle to the event. He forgot that I told him to pack clothes to run in. He forgot to ask about getting a ride home with a teammate who lives close to us. He was told to write it all down. He came home feeling terrible about the entire thing. I could have made him a list, but what about next time and the time after that? I think that his feelings of bewilderment at his self-assurance, guilt of not supporting his team, and sadness at missing his first high school event will help teach him to make a list more than any nagging I could ever do.

The thing is, this is the first time he's ever signed on to an extracurricular activity on his own. This is the first time that he's taken the initiative to head to practice on his own - with no car, this means he has to ride his bike 3 miles each way to the site. He even set out last Friday to practice (with NO reminder from me!) when it was 100 degrees out. Practice had been canceled due to the heat (he'd have been called if he had remembered to turn in the paperwork I filled out three days before!) On the days that there is no practice, he is planning his own 3 to 4-mile runs. I'm amazed at all of this and want to support him as much as possible.

... backpack ready...

Then there's the schoolwork. The district provides a wonderful student planner to all students at the beginning of the year. It's only day 2 of the year and he's not written one thing in it except his name. I've shown him how to use it and have threatened life & limb if he doesn't write in it at the end of every class. "I forgot." "I didn't have time because the bell rang." Blah, blah, blah. I'm kind of stuck on what to do about this. I can ground him, but that doesn't do much good - I found that out last year. I can give him "punishment" chores to do, but that won't work too well, either.


I went through this stuff, too, when I was his age. I barely did my homework because it was a waste of time to me. Once I learned something, it stuck. I'm not the type of learner who needs repetition to ingrain something into my memory. I paid attention in class, did the reading or a few problems, and I was done. I aced the tests and, even without doing any homework, I managed to get by on C's. I don't want this for him. He really wants to attend University of Michigan. He's even been offered a $10,000 scholarship if he manages to get through high school without his GPA ever dipping below a 3.0. I'm really trying to be empathetic here, but I don't want him to miss out on such an amazing opportunity.

So, I'm really stuck right now. My baby bird needs to start testing out his wings. I will be there to catch him when he falls. But how far do I let him go before pulling him back into the nest?

... and into the world of high school!

I'd love any advice! 

Both from moms who've been there done that and those of you who just remember back to starting high school. 

PLEASE, I'm really coming up with nothing right now and would love some help. 

No idea is too simple or complicated at this point!

You Have to Play By The RULES!

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One of the things that attracted me to hubby was a story he tells about he and his now grown daughter. She had been messing around with him. When he told her to come inside the house for dinner, she just laughed and ran away. He was getting angry and finally went out to get her. He tripped on one of the porch steps and fell onto the sidewalk. She stood about a foot away and laughed at him. Not only was he physically hurt, but also embarrassed and emotionally hurt. To retaliate, he grabbed the macrame belt he was wearing (yeah, hippie!) and took a swipe in her direction, not really expecting to do much more than show her he wasn't happy. He hit her square on the butt. This was the first (and last) time he ever "spanked" her. It hurt her feelings and she cried. Then HE started crying because he hit his daughter! (Now, we're talking about a belt made from braided yarn. It didn't really hurt in the physical sense.) When she saw him crying, she stopped immediately, gave him a big hug, and they went inside to eat dinner. Aww...

Photo by woodleywonderworks on Flickr

 Last night, as I was making dinner, hubby & Little Guy were in the other room playing with Legos. This is one of his very favorite activities to do with his daddy and he looks forward to doing so every evening. My oldest had just passed down a set to Little Guy that could be built into a pirate ship and they were both pretty excited to play with it. Hubby really wanted to make the ship so he and Little Guy could play pretend with all of the Lego guys. They come up with some rather interesting stories - there's one about Carl the Laundry Man, another about Rasheed the Snake Charmer... Anyway, as hubby worked on putting all of the pieces where they were supposed to go, Little Guy busied himself with the joy of just plain building. Every once in a while, I could hear him say, "I need borrow dat piece for my truck [or train, or car...] I'm building," to my increasingly frustrated husband. I could envision what was going on, every time my hubby turned to look for a piece he needed, Little Guy was taking one from the ship.

That's when it happened.  Hubby had had enough. Slowly, buy surely, his voice came through loud and clear, slowly rising the more he spoke, "No! That piece doesn't go there! I need it for the ship! Don't you want to help me build this ship???" Then the lecture began (remember, he's talking to a kid who isn't even quite 3 years old.)

Paraphrased:

"You need to play by THE RULES. Don't you understand? We're trying to build this really cool ship and you keep messing it up! This piece goes here, you see? If you're not going to play by THE RULES, I don't want to play Legos with you anymore. You can just play by yourself because I don't want to play with someone who doesn't follow THE RULES. No one will ever want to play with you if you just do whatever you want and don't play by THE RULES..."

It went on from there. I was seeing red, but couldn't come to his rescue because I was making mac & cheese and had just started to add the milk to the sauce. I had to keep stirring... Finally, when I had a chance, I popped my head into the room and told them it was time to start cleaning up because dinner would be ready soon. What I wanted to do was tear hubby a new one for talking to that little one like that. It wasn't just the words, but the tone of voice, too. I waited, though. We don't argue in front of Little Guy when it could possibly turn into a heated battle of parenting philosophies. He doesn't need to witness that. Plus, he was starting to get the idea that since I make the majority of the rules that pertain to him, he didn't have to listen to anyone other than me. Not cool when hubby takes him for a walk and he runs off because he feels that hubby's instructions (like: Hold hands across the street) don't apply because it's not Mommy saying it. I held my tongue until after bed time.

Then I confronted my husband. Yes, "confronted", not "brought up the subject" or "asked". I was still really pissed off. I wanted to know why he thought it was OK to talk to our son like that. His response was that he kept saying more and more things, in a meaner and meaner way, because what he was saying was not phasing Little Guy. In fact, he was being completely ignored. He was mad at this, so he kept on going. WHAT?! I was dumbfounded for a minute or two. Was I hearing a grown man tell me that he was saying increasingly hurtful things to a toddler just to get a rise out of him?! I went over the things he said to our son (kind of like the paraphrased piece, up there), then asked him how he'd feel if he heard another kid or the oldest saying those things to Little Guy. "But he wasn't even paying attention!" was his retort. What do you do when someone hurts your feelings? I try to ignore the person, busy myself with something else until the person stops or I can go away. I asked hubby if he thought maybe Little Guy was doing the same thing. He was quite defensive about the whole situation - probably because I was on the warpath.

Legos, he would try to just go with the flow and not worry about making anything colossal for now.

This morning, hubby told me he felt really bad about talking to Little Guy that way. He still feels that it's his job to teach him how to follow rules, though. I think he's still a little young, but suggested buying a simple game like Candyland or Memory for Little Guy's birthday for them to play together. I really hope that this is the last of incidents of this nature. I'm still pretty shocked at the entire thing. I would have never thought of this kind of thing coming from my husband - ever.

My Boobs Are Too Little! {#WorldBreastfeedingWeek}

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I was scared to death that my kids would starve if I attempted to breastfeed exclusively. If they had negative bra sizes, I'd be their first choice for a catalog model. From the time I was 12 years old, I was told, "Don't worry, they'll grow!" Remember the book, Are You There, God? It's me, Margaret. By Judy Blume? I spent many-a-night doing "exercises" to the whispered mantra, "I must... I must... I must increase my bust!" Well, I hit 16, an age when many had assured me I'd be fully developed, still looking like a 12 year-old. Then, I read somewhere that the female body isn't completely done growing until the early 20's. I waited... nothing.

When I was pregnant, I never even thought of bottle-feeding. I'm the oldest of three and my mom breastfed (and cloth-diapered) all of us. It was normal - bottles weren't. But, as my due date drew near and hormones became unbearable, I began to panic. My boobs hadn't even gotten bigger while I was pregnant. My OB-GYN even made mention of the fact that I had no boobs on that last appointment before my due date. I had come into the office, armed with my birth plan. The very first line below the heading "After Baby is Delivered" said: "Please do not offer the baby water, formula, or pacifiers. I will be exclusively breastfeeding!" After that appointment, the same thought kept running through my head - How on earth would I keep this little baby inside me alive once it was out?! I rushed to the store on the way home and bought a set of Playtex bottles and a few cans of formula... just in case.

I was so lucky. That little one knew just what to do. As soon as mouth was in the vicinity of nipple, the little suckling noises began - just seconds after delivery! The latch was perfect. My milk came in quickly - only 24 hours after giving birth. I had no problems for the duration of breastfeeding my kids, save sore nipples, engorgement, and a few bites. No mastitis, clogged ducts, latch problems... nothing. The kids grew by leaps and bounds, even by the old formula-fed growth chart standards. Oh, and I had boobs!!! I wore all of those tight little shirts, bikini tops, and strapless dresses that I could never wear before. Like I said, I was VERY lucky.

Unfortunately, the remarks that pregnant and nursing mothers hear from others, like the one from my doctor, can take their toll. Especially in the hormone-filled minds of pregnant women and the sleep-deprived, 'why-won't-this-kid-stop-crying?!' minds of new moms. There are too many people out there giving bad advice and passing on myths that are oh-so-false. Here is the one I've heard over and over from mothers. It's not new. My mother-in-law was told this in the 60's, when she had my husband. My mom was told this in the 70's (Thank you, Mom, for not listening!), friends of mine who had babies in the 80's and 90's heard this, and I've recently had three different new moms tell me this in the past month, alone:

You're not producing enough milk - you'll have to supplement!

Oh, I HATE this one! First, mommy takes her precious newborn to the pediatrician for his first check-up. The baby has lost a little weight since birth and the phrase "FAILURE TO THRIVE" is brought up. Now, this poor mom, who has had this kid on her breast for what seems like 24/7 since he was born, hears (and it's probably meant to sound this way, IMO) a medical professional basically tell her that she's not good enough a mother to keep her baby alive on her own - she needs help. The fear, the humiliation... So, she supplements her breastfeeding with formula. Then, when her precious pea is around six weeks old, he acts like he's starving. She nurses him, but he wants MORE. So, she adds a few more formula feeds into the mix - her kid's hungry! Eventually, she begins producing less and less milk. She looks on breastfeeding as a huge failure and gives up.

There are a lot of wrongs in this situation, but there's not usually anyone around to tell mom the truth. I mean, her baby's doctor already "knew" she wouldn't be able to feed this child on her own. And the hungrier junior got, the more she believed it. What she didn't know is that doctors use an old growth chart - created by formula companies and based on the "average" growth of a formula-fed infant. (Yes, there is another growth chart out for breastfed infants, but many doctors aren't using it.) Breast milk has less fat than formula, so a child isn't going to plump up like he would on bottles. And it is normal for newborns to dip in weight soon after birth - think about how much water weight is in their skin and digestive system while they are in your belly. After birth, they kind of... dry out, and they pee and poop. The first milk they are getting is colostrum and in small amounts. It just makes sense to anyone willing to think that a baby will lose weight. But, with all of the hormonal changes and lack of sleep, it can be hard for mom to use her critical thinking skill effectively. People will take advantage of this - who doesn't like to sound like they're smart? Who doesn't like to feel like they can rescue a desperate mom from a dire situation? We all like to give advice!

They're wrong!!!!

Here are two more of those "critical thinking" things that a new mom's brain just doesn't have the energy for: The faster a child grows, the hungrier he will be. And:  The more a child nurses, the more milk you will produce. That six-week spurt is the one you'll think will never, ever end. But, you know what? I barely remember them now. I wish I had known about it ahead of time. Rather than freaking out, being cranky, and just wishing I could stop being a pacifier, I'd have planned ahead and enjoyed this time. I miss it. It's the picture you had in your head when you bought that super-comfortable rocking chair way back in the olden days when you were pregnant. Baby looking up at you while he nurses, the entire house is quiet except for the little sucking sounds he's making and maybe a lullaby from you... pure bliss! This spurt will last just a couple of weeks, enjoy it. Line up help with housecleaning and cooking. Don't let this time get away from you!

And what about the fear that your little one is breastfeeding so much because he can't get enough from you? Well, like I said above, the more he eats, the more you make. It's the perfect balance of supply and demand, ordered by Mother Nature herself! If a mom feels like she must do something to keep her little guy's belly full for longer, there are a number of methods to try BEFORE heading for that free sample of "just in case" formula that the formula company has so graciously sent you home from the hospital with as a parting gift. Drink more water. Sometimes, when we're dead tired and trying to learn this new little baby's characteristics, we forget about ourselves. I swear, at one point I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten anything (it must have been over 24 hours!) And, if water's not your cup of tea, then... well, have some tea. There are a ton of companies that make fantastic-tasting tea with all of the right herbs in them. One of my personal favorites is Sacred Rose's Matri Tea! Also, there are a ton of foods that will increase milk production. I craved oatmeal throughout my pregnancy and well into my first year of breastfeeding. This wonder-grain will visibly increase your infant's food supply. One of my favorite ways to eat it was in cookie-form! Add a bunch of dried fruits, some flax, wheat germ, honey, mashed bananas, zucchini... pretty much whatever your tastes may be. And, finally, you can take supplements. Fenugreek is an herb that has been used forever for nursing mothers. It increases milk production with a couple of interesting side effects: 1) Your sweat will smell like maple syrup. No kidding! It's weird, but at least you won't smell like boiled broccoli! 2) It also helps upper respiratory problems. Have a cold? Have allergies? They'll magically clear up - drug-free!

Once your little one hits 2 or 3 months old, most of the "you're not making enough milk" suspicions will go away. (There will be more growth spurts, but not anything like the one you just got through.) You'll feel more confident in your abilities to sustain life using your boobs. You'll be able to read your little one's signs more easily and understand what he needs from you before the crying (yours and his!) of the early weeks. And, you'll have your head back on straight - the hormone confusion of the weeks just after birth will have ebbed and you might have even gotten two hours' worth of sleep in a single stretch!

I’m celebrating World Breastfeeding Week with Natural Parents Network!
You can, too — link up your breastfeeding posts from August 1-7 in the linky below, and enjoy reading, commenting on, and sharing the posts collected here and on Natural Parents Network.

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What Are YOU Looking At? {Day 4 - KY Intimacy Experiment & GIVEAWAY!}

To all the little kiddies under 18 out there:

This is not a post for you. Please hit the back button, close the page, or anything else that will get you away from this page!

Sincerely,
ME!

We all have certain parts of our body that, when we look at ourselves in a mirror, stand out like a giant zit at the end of our nose. You can't help but miss seeing them. Maybe it's cottage cheese thighs. Or possibly that extra roll on your tummy, courtesy of your last pregnancy. Whatever it is, you know it's there, you're conscious of it every time you get into the shower. You wish it would just go away. In my case, I wish it would become more noticeable. I have mosquito bites where there should be boobs. I mean, I loved breastfeeding for a number of reasons, but the larger bra size was one of the perks that I miss the most. I swear, after I weaned each kid, my boobs shrunk to smaller than before! Is it even possible to have a negative cup size?! I think I have one! When Bernie from One Mixed Bag wrote about her missing bra, I have to admit I was SO JEALOUS! (You have to go read this. It's your instant laugh for the day - I promise!)

I'm sure that my husband has the same hang up about something on his body, but if he does I'm not too sure what it would be. Maybe it's just a guy thing - he'll parade around naked every chance he gets. And he's never mentioned my lack of boobs. Not once. He seems to like me just as I am. What's this all leading to? Well, Day 4 of the KY Intimacy Experiment, of course! Today's exercises are focusing on our comfort levels around each other and changing some habits that may be getting in the way of a "smokin' hot sex life", as the booklet calls it.

The daytime exercise asks us to think over some of the things that may have helped lead us to a place in our relationship that may be "too comfortable." Now, at first, I was thinking that I was reading the booklet wrong. How could being comfortable with your partner be a bad thing? It sure makes life easier to be able to run into our only bathroom to go pee while hubby is brushing his teeth rather than dancing around outside the door until he's finished, right? What about those days when you're just feeling lazy? It's good to be able to leave your PJ's on all day, not comb your hair, not shower or even bother with deodorant, right? Well, according to the KY Intimacy Experiment booklet, this isn't always the case.

We were to write down all of those things that we do around each other that would equate to being comfortable with one another, things that could possibly become obstacles to a rockin' sex life. It was hard to envision any of these things as being an obstacle, so we decided to just write down the things that we do around each other that shows how uninhibited we are. Then, we went over the lists together and discussed whether we'd have done any of these things when we first got together. Boy, we had some pretty good laughs! There is NO WAY I'd take care of my "girl stuff" while he was in the bathroom way back then. Now, it's not a big deal - ya gotta do what ya gotta do! And he said that he'd always take a really good shower and slap on cologne whenever he knew we'd be seeing each other. Nowadays, he still takes showers, but I don't think I've smelled cologne or anything but soap on him for years. We went over some of those things and decided to try to be more discreet in them just to see if it adds a little more zip to our relationship. Not sure if it will or not, but this is an experiment, right?

The night time part of Day 4 was pretty interesting. We were to get rid of the kids due to the possibility of them going blind. Check - Oldest is still at Grandpa's and Little Guy was tuckered out from the very long evening at the park and only getting half of a nap that afternoon. Then, we were to turn off all the lights, strip down, pour some wine, then cuddle and watch a movie together. Well, it was late and we were tuckered out from the park, too. So, the beverage was coffee with  little Bailey's in it and the "movie" was an episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus. While watching TV, we were to try to be aware of how we felt next to each other, let our hands wander, and feel the air hit our bodies when we got up to walk around. Then, after the show was over, we were to massage each other from head to toe and take a shower together. We veered away from the plan a little, but still managed to do the things on the list.



Thanks to the coffee, we were both still pretty wakeful. We decided to use the bubble bath that KY provided in the Intimacy Experiment kit to take a bath together. HA! You know, it always sounds good, but you can never fit two grown people into a standard-sized bathtub comfortably. We ended up in the shower together (still not the romantic scene you expect it to be), where hubby got a partial back rub. By the time the shower was over, the alcohol had made its way to our heads. We were like two kids goofing around when Mom and Dad were away for the weekend. We raided the snack cupboard and, giggling, made our way (still naked) to the bedroom to eat like gluttons. We were cracking jokes and laughing uncontrollably for half the night. It was just like old times - times that I thought were gone forever.

I have to admit that, as the evening wore on, I was less and less aware of my imperfections. All-in-all, this was a great experiment and we are already planning on another "Jay Bird Party" in the near future (I'm trying to talk him into an evening of Strip Scrabble!) As for our experiment with limiting some of those things that we're comfortable doing around each other that we'd never have done early in our relationship... I'm not sure yet. I think that it will take a while for the old habits to be broken and to lose some of the familiarity. We'll see how it goes!

TWO More Chances to WIN!!!
For TWO MORE ENTRIES, tell me in a comment below one of the things that you or your partner do now that you're comfortable with each other that you'd NEVER have done at the start of your relationship.  Answer the question in your first comment, then just type "Entry 2" in your second comment for two entries. Don't forget to leave your email in one of your comments.

You must have done the Mandatory entry on my original giveaway post HERE, in order to receive the extra entries on this post. I will add these entries to the original entries when I choose a winner.

This is open to US residents. YOU MUST BE 18 OR OVER TO ENTER! Giveaway will end on July 30, 2011, at 11:59 pm EST

*I received no monetary compensation for this giveaway, this blog post, or the blog posts that will follow. I did receive a K-Y Brands Intimacy Experiment package in order to fully participate in the program and tell you about it.