Making Time for Me {Mindful Parenting Collaboration #5}

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

My post last week threw some readers for a loop. I received some private correspondence via my contact form that went from someone telling me what a terrible person I am all the way to someone sharing a story very close to mine that occurred on New Year's Day, too. I received reprimands, congratulations, and pats on the back. I know that what I told you about my lovely explosive reaction to being out of milk was pretty extreme. It was the result of self-neglect and holding everything in for a very long time. Just like the bottles of champagne that many people had shaken up just before midnight the night before, I blew my cork.

I am not proud of what happened. I probably would have not shared it here if the topic had been anything else! I apologized to my family. I felt guilty about my outburst for days. I even had nightmares about it. It took me a while to realize the root of the problem. I shared the experience here because I wanted you to know what could happen when we don't take care of ourselves as individuals. Taking care of our families is important, but we really can't be the best parent or partner if we neglect ourselves.

Below, I've shared some of the things I did over the past week to take care of myself, both mentally and physically.

Friday

Just after dinner, I left the dirty dishes in the sink. I told hubby that he was in charge of Little Guy - I was taking a bath. Soaked for an hour AND read a magazine. Actually shaved! THEN, took a shower, too. OMG! It felt so good to have that time to myself. I don't think it was the shower so much as the quiet and space to think. Yes, it felt over-indulgent, but the little bit of guilt was worth it.

Saturday

I won a $25 Gift Card to Sears recently. I had planned on using it to buy something we needed: a new toaster, for instance. Then I realized that I could use it at K Mart, too. You know what I did? I spent most of it on myself! I literally haven't had new underwear since BEFORE I got pregnant with Little Guy. Every pair O owned was either full of holes, stretched out, or totally unraveling. I bought 6 new pairs! (Came home and relegated the old ones to the rag pile!) I also got myself a new razor - the one I used last night was rusty and dull. I bought two brand new washcloths for just me. They're bright pink so no one forgets! I'm tired of hubby and oldest using a new washcloth every time they wash some part of their body, leaving me none. I bought a bottle of nail polish, too. This is another thing I haven't had since before I got preggo. I plan to use it, too! Oh, and I got an address book and a planner for my blog.  I really wanted a separate address book to keep track of my invisible friends in the computer. And, though I have a wall calendar where I keep track of my blogging, I really wanted a small book-type planner that I could carry around with me to keep ideas and plans as they come to me - lest I forget.

I did but some household stuff, too. Mainly toilet paper and cat food - things we always need. This, too, felt indulgent. I was very close to pulling my cart out of the check-out lane to put most of it back and get that toaster and maybe a family game, but then it was my turn to pay. I'm so glad I bought the stuff. I can't tell you how nice it feels to know I have pretty undies on! And I can't wait to give myself a mani/pedi.

Sunday

Didn't do much of anything specifically for myself, although I did use all of nap time to write blog posts and I spent a few hours after he went to bed reading and commenting on others' blog posts and entering giveaways.

Monday

My husband and oldest took Little Guy out for an "explorer adventure" in the woods. They had planned to be gone for just an hour or so. They ended up gone for 2 1/2 hours! I took the time to wash the dishes (without a 3 y.o.'s "help") and do some baking. I even got to wear headphones and listen to music because I didn't have to keep an ear open to listen for crashes or the eerie silence of sneakiness. And, when they got home, there were freshly baked cookies greeting them! (BONUS: The extra-long walk tired out Little Guy enough to knock him out for a 2-hour nap!)

Tuesday

This was they day that we went on a nature walk and made our terrariums. Both of these events had a little in store for me as well as Little Guy. The walk was great because the area is open enough and safe enough foe him to run wild without me having to reel him in closer to me. I had a chance to enjoy being outside and was able to take extra time to look closely at the trees, watch wildlife, and take photos. And, making the terrariums was a lot of fun, too. I was able to release some pent-up creativity while also doing a project with Little Guy. I did not have to go out of my way today to find a way to get some isolated "me time" in.

Wednesday

Just not a good day. No time for myself and no time for much of anything else. The only time I had to myself was when I headed into the bathroom and screamed into a towel. Hey - it was better than reliving the scene I made on New Year's Day and it helped me get through the rest of the day.

Little Guy was in an ornery mood and tried every way he could to get me to explode. Yes, he was really trying - after he would do something (like drop a toy car into his peed-in potty), he'd look at me to see if I'd notice. I am pretty sure he was just testing limits, but an entire day of his testing had me close to the edge. And I'm not kidding, it was as if he was brainstorming and testing - "If this didn't make mama yell, maybe this will..."

And hubby was no help at all. He came into the living room to give me a break. Little Guy decided to test him, too. Within 5 minutes, my husband decided he just couldn't take it anymore and hid in the bedroom. As he was scurrying away, he looked at me and said, "I just can't get him to listen to me and you won't make him do what I say!" I have a LOT to say about this, but not now. This post would turn into a HUGE rant and that's not what it's about.

And, yes, the oldest was in on "make mom lose her cool" day, too. It wasn't any one thing from him, just lots of little stuff. He dropped his school stuff in the middle of the kitchen floor and left it there - he knows where to put it and that's NOT the place. He stood in the kitchen, eating some candy someone gave him at school, making all of the "mmmm!" sounds - three feet away from Little Guy. When Little Guy asked for some, he popped the last piece in his mouth and told him it was all gone, tough luck. (Teasing drives me nuts, especially when someone his age is doing it. He should know better. But, I do know that whatever the disparity of their ages, sibling rivalry lives.) He complained about dinner not being done, but refused to keep an eye on his little brother so I could make it. Etc. Typical teen behavior that I can usually deal with calmly, but after the rest of the day, this was the cherry on top.

Thursday

This is the last day I'm keeping track of what I've done for myself. My oldest forgot to set his alarm clock, so he missed the bus to school. When Little Guy woke up, he snuck into our room and quietly put puzzles together with him while I SLEPT IN! Now, my oldest got into a little trouble because he knows that he was supposed to head downtown and jump on a city bus to go to school. He is also required to pay for his bus ride because he is the one responsible for setting the alarm. His excuse for not doing that was because he didn't want to spend the money. Boy, is he lucky he let Mom sleep until 11am!

Since he didn't do what he was supposed to regarding missing the bus, he became "Bidderman" (definition for a Bidderman is at the link, second from last paragraph. I highly recommend getting your own if you have a teen or tween.) for the day, which gave me time to do more baking and play around on the computer. I looked up some recipes for hulled barley and am really looking forward to making them. I also managed to create a grocery list and match up coupons to it without having Little Guy's "help", making the job last 10 minutes rather than an hour!

Everyday

• Meditation - Now, I've tried and tried to meditate and just couldn't. Too many thoughts running in and out of my head. Most started with, "Instead of this, I really should be doing..." Well, on Friday, I decided to give it a try again. I usually lay with Little Guy as he goes to sleep at night and watch an old movie or nature documentary with the sound off and closed captions on. I also list in my head all of the things I need to do. I decided to turn off the TV and just lay there, in the near-dark, thinking of... nothing. It took me some time to get all of those nagging thoughts out of my head. But, one-by-one, they flew out (through my ear?) I felt at peace. I floated on the bed. I was unconsciously smiling! Eventually, I got up and realized that I'd spent an entire hour, after Little Guy had passed out, just relaxing. I've done this every night since and I can't tell you how wonderful I feel. Some nights are harder than others to "find my bliss", but I'm getting the hang of it. It seems like my mind knows when that hour is up, too. So far, I haven't gone over or under it. 
• First cup of coffee by myself. 

I cannot believe the difference that taking a little time for myself has made in my mood and my responses to my family. Doing things for myself each day still makes me feel guilty, though. I keep thinking about what I should be doing instead. I think that I will eventually get over this little hiccup, though.

I want to take more time to be creative. I could have done so during some of the time I was given to do so, but I found out something: I can't think of what to do! Creating used to be so natural. I'd pick up a pencil and doodle a little something. Pretty soon, I had a page covered. Then, I was coloring it in. As I created, I'd get a great idea for painting or drawing a more permanent form of my doodle and off I'd go. Now, when I start to doodle, all I seem to draw are monster trucks and trains. I have a couple of items that I really want to make, but I'm just sitting here, waiting for some inspiration. I might have to give myself a jump start by forcing the issue at first...

I never did get around to doing my nails. Oh, well. There's always next week, right?

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Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 5: Take Care of YOU!

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Now, here's a topic that I can't stand to deal with. Yes, I know. This is one of those pieces of advice that everyone gives, yet no one seems to actually take. How in the world am I supposed to find time to do what I want when I have to take care of all of these people and make sure the house is clean, too?! Wanting to do my own thing just feels too... indulgent. Until recently.

You see, I've been becoming increasingly resentful toward my husband and sons. They constantly ask me for things, even expect them to be done, and I don't get much reciprocity in return. Christmas was the breaking point for me. I had so looked forward to the holiday. Planned lots of fun things to do, had high hopes for getting a chance to bake and craft, and wanted this to just be a great time of excitement for the kids. But it was all a struggle. Now, I'm not going to say I took on too much or expected too much from everyone. I asked my husband and oldest to PLEASE take turns hanging out with Little Guy for one hour a day so I could do my own thing, which was essentially to "make" Christmas for them. It worked for about a week, then they were too busy (watching TV, eating, and playing games on the computer) to help. "Why don't you just wait until he's taking a nap?" And the resentment wasn't just aimed at my ungrateful hubby and teen. Little Guy, who loved helping me in the kitchen just a few weeks earlier, decided that he was bored with it all and preferred to run like a heathen through the kitchen, grabbing everything he could reach and throwing down the stairs. So, yes, I was not too keen on his "help", either.

All of this resentment came to a head on New Year's Day. I woke up in a great mood. New year, new outlook, let's start fresh, blah, blah, blah... My oldest woke up and very snottily informed me that we were out of milk, as if it was MY fault and MY sole responsibility to get more. Little Guy, upon hearing of the milk situation, demanded warm milk and honey to drink. The demands became ear-piercing screams because my oldest (who is very lucky I didn't decide that my no-spanking policy was shit) was holding the empty milk jug in Little Guy's face, saying in a cheeky tone, "What's wrong with you? Are you STUPID? There IS no milk! Mom didn't get us any!" That's when hubby came out. "Will you guys keep it down? I can't hear the TV." He decided to go take a shower (which I hadn't gotten a chance to take in a week, by the way, because no one would hang out with Little Guy - he needs to be paid attention to while he's sleeping, too, because he tends to wake up and be very stealthy!)

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 

I AM SO GODDAMN SICK AND TIRED OF 

YOU PEOPLE BEING HELPLESS IDIOTS. 

OLDEST - GO TO THE F***ING STORE AND 

BUY SOME F***ING MILK!!! 

LITTLE GUY, JUST F***ING DEAL WITH 

THE FACT THAT THERE'S NO MILK. 

AND, HUBBY, IF EVEN ONE DROP OF WATER 

TOUCHES YOUR BODY BEFORE I GET A SHOWER,

YOU'LL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE -

WHICH WILL NOT BE VERY LONG!!!!!"

You could hear a pin drop. They all stared blankly at me. I pointed at my oldest and he RAN into the bedroom to change his clothes for his trip to the store. My husband jumped at the teen's movement and ran to pick up Little Guy. He got him some hot tea to satisfy him until the milk showed up. Little Guy did the best thing of the three of them: He ran over and gave me a big hug and said, "Sorry, Mama." I took my shower and felt 100% better... physically. I apologized to my family and they all looked at the floor guiltily. They "got" why I flipped out.

Now, I told you this because this could happen to you if you do not take time for yourself. You can become burned out, miserable, resentful, and may even begin to wonder if you really want to be "mommy" and "honey" to these people you live with. You slowly forget who you are, what you want out of life, what makes you happy. You're there to please others. Period.

So, this week, I suggest you try to remember who you were before hubby and the kids. What did you expect you'd be doing at your age? What kind of things do you enjoy doing? Do not make a list of things that you need/want to do around the house. It doesn't count. Make a dream list. Next, see if any of those things on your list could be modified to fit into your life right now. I expected to be an artist. While I have neither the money for supplies, nor the time to devote to this, I can take a little time each week to just create... Pinterest, here I come! Next, make yourself a list of realistic things you'd like for yourself. These could be as simple as "Take an hour-long bath." or "Give myself a pedicure." Nothing that takes a huge amount of time or money. Do one each day. Yes - each day.

Love on yourself. If it makes you feel guilty, think of it this way: You want to be a mindful parent, right? In order to be a mindful of others, you need to practice on yourself. I was angry at my family. Looking back to the weeks before my New Year's Day Fireworks, I was not treating my family mindfully. Heck, I was not treating them well at all. I did all the things I was supposed to do, but there was no smile on my face or love in my heart while I was doing them. I fought for every second of time to be able to do those things and, by the time I actually got that time, I was ticked off at my family.

This week, I will make sure to take time for me. Creatively, physically, and emotionally. In fact, I've already started tonight. But, I'll wait until next week to tell you about it!

I'd like to invite you to link any posts you have written on the topic of being mindful of yourself in the linky below. I'd love to hear your ideas and thoughts on this subject. I really need all the help I can get - I do not ever want to feel that way I did about the most important people in the world, nor do I want them to ever witness the explosion from me the way they did first thing in the morning on the first day of 2012!

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We're in This Together (Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 4: Partners in Parenting

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

I know I keep saying this, but this topic is a really tough one for me to write about.Way back in June, I wrote THIS POST about some of the problems I was encountering at the time. The fifth one is about some problems between my husband and myself. They've gotten better and then worse, back and forth, since then. Our relationship is a mess right now and it's not going to be an easy fix. Most people, if I were to give them the entire story, would have told me to get the hell out a long time ago. But, in my opinion, this is one of the problems with society today: If it's broke, throw it away and get a new one. Well, I won't throw out a broken vacuum cleaner without trying every possible way I can think of to fix it and I'm not going to do that with my marriage.

However, this "broken" relationship makes parenting as partners really tough. Over the past year or so, I've slowly taken over all aspects of the role of "parent". My husband has become the teenage roommate who happens to share our space. He is a fun companion for the kids... when he feels like spending some time with them. He doesn't regularly enforce rules, he allows Little Guy to manipulate him into giving him whatever he wants. This will go on for 10 minutes to an hour until my hubby just boils over and starts yelling and threatening to spank. Not cool with me at all. Especially after he's gotten the kid all wired up and made him think that he rules all. It literally goes from "Super Crazy Fun Time" to "I've Had it!!!" in seconds. There are lots more things I could while about on the subject, but I think you might get the idea.

I don't yell at my husband. I wait until they're asleep before I attempt to confront any situations from earlier that day that I think need discussing. The spanking issue is a hot button around here. He never spanked his older kids. It's one of the things that attracted me to the guy. But now, rather than actually working at figuring out why the behavior from Little Guy is defiant, he would rather just jump to threatening to hit him. His reason for thinking spanking this child is because, "... he's just like I was as a kid and I know how to handle a kid like that." Um... yeah. So spanking kept you from starting your "career" as a drug addict at 11 years old? Spanking kept you from burning down a neighbor's house 'just because' at 13? Spanking kept you from running away from home at 15? I can go on, but you get the picture here, too, right? Anyway, that's the biggest issue we have in the parenting arena.

There are others. I really would like him to be more consistent with the time he spends with the kids. One day, he'll hang out with the family all day long. Then, there might be an entire week where he's so wrapped up in himself that he won't even bother to look at the kids. I know some of this has to do with pain. I can be understanding when he hurts so badly that he just can't concentrate on the kids. But, I really think that most of it has to do with him not feeling like it.

So, I talk to him when the kids aren't awake. I explain my reasons for how I would like the kids raised. I listen to what he has to say. Our conversations don't (usually) get out of hand and to the bitching, nagging, or yelling stage. By the time we're done, he will usually agree that he needs to work more on being consistent, not giving in to puppy dog eyes and tantrums, being around on a regular basis, etc. We'll make a plan of action so he can ease into this more easily and so the kids can get used to the changes, too. It'll work for a week or so, then it becomes too much work and he goes back to the old way of "parenting".

This past week, I followed Erin's advice of what to work on in my relationship. I'm going to have to do this more often because I'm just not sure how it's going to work out over a long period of time. The first thing she asked that we do for the topic "Partners in Parenting" was figure out what your relationship needs most and work on that one thing. The next step was to take a day and put my partner first for the entire day. They both kind of backfired on me. I think that the change in me might have confused hubby some, so I'll keep this up and see if it doesn't get better.

I think that our relationship, as a married couple and not parents, is honesty. I don't lie to my husband, but I will withhold information if it makes me "right" and him "wrong". That's a deception, too. So, I flat out told him what I was up to. I explained that I think we both need to be 100% honest about our feelings, actions, thoughts... everything. Yes, it might sting a little to hear certain things from one another, but it's important to share them rather than bottle them up. And, we're in this together: this marriage, this parenting thing, this LIFE. We have to be able to trust one another above anyone else in the world! I told him that, rather than trying to find the lie in everything he says (I swear, he lies and doesn't even have a reason except to "see if I can get away with it"), I'm going to trust that he's being honest. I do it with my kids, why not him? Well, he's been lying like crazy about all kinds of stupid things since. I think he, just like a child, is testing to see if I'll fall back into second-guessing everything he says. To see if I'll still love him even if he lies. So, it's not been all that great. I hate being lied to - it makes me feel as if I am not valuable as a person to the one who's lying. I really hope his little testing phase will be over soon...

As for the putting your partner first for the entire day... Ha! He's suspicious. Asking if he'd like me to make him a snack rather than just leaving him to do it kind of freaked him out a little. Seeing that he was having computer problems, I offered to help. I usually let him deal on his own - that man can download 1,00 viruses in five minutes flat - because it always, always, always takes hours to fix his mistakes... and he always claims he wasn't doing anything but reading his Facebook news feed. I offered to help, then didn't get frustrated with him for screwing it up so badly, as I usually do. I asked him if he wanted a back rub when he complained about it hurting. Once he got used to the idea that I was trying to be nice and think of his needs, he started to take advantage... just like a child would. He was asking me to hand him the phone that was ringing and sitting 1 foot away from him. He asked me to do all kinds of silly little things that he didn't need help with just to see if I'd do them. It was really annoying and, when I was busy with Little Guy, I had to tell him to do it himself. But I did try to put him before myself. I can't do this everyday, but I will revisit this again, whenever I can. My theory is that he'll eventually stop taking advantage. Then, maybe he'll even reciprocate. That's how a marriage should be, right?

So, while there really is not conclusion to this topic for me right now, I will continue working at it. I think that, once we can get our relationship with each other going in the right direction, we can work on the parenting aspect. For now, I can accept being the parent. Oh, and my kids will never hear me bad-mouthing my husband. They will, however, hear and see me trying my best to treat him with respect. It's important, not only to them, but to our entire family.

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 4: Partners in Parenting

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

The relationship between a child's parents can have a huge effect on that child's emotional stability. Whether you are married, living together, separated, or divorced - it is important that your children see a good, healthy unity between parents. When I was 7, my parents divorced. It wasn't pretty, to say the least. In fact, I have blocked many of the memories of that time in my life. My parents couldn't stand each other. They made sure that I, and my siblings, knew it.  I remember becoming physically ill when I was going from my mom's to my dad's and back again. We were put into positions where we felt we had to be loyal to both parents at the same time. In fact, when I was 12, I had my first full-on migraine. I had to choose between living with my mom and living with my dad. It was horrible: I couldn't move - heck, breathing was torture - for a full two days. Growing up with feuding parents has had a negative effect on my adult relationships. it took me a very long time to figure out how to conduct myself!

So, this week's topic is "Partners in Parenting" and I really believe that this is an important one to consider. Head over to it's OK to see what Erin has written about this topic. She gives some great examples of things that you can focus on to help make your relationship more mindful. Then, check back here on Friday (I promise I'll try to get this done on time!) and see how I managed to work on my relationship!

Positively Negative... Until Now. {Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Remember when I vowed to make sure I posted on this every Friday? Well, I didn’t plan on Thanksgiving to give me such a feeling of blah. I just didn’t have the motivation to write. I’ve posted some giveaways and a couple of other things, but it’s not like I was writing something spectacular, you know?

And other thing: I’ve really been procrastinating on this particular post. As I wrote in the intro post to the third topic, Being Positive, I gave a ton of reasons that explain why it is important to be a positive parent. I believe them all to be true. I don’t think that the occasional negative attitude will screw up my kids’ well-being for life. But, looking up, rather than down, most of the time is best. That said, I must confess that I have a very hard time being positive. I haven’t always been this way. The more I saw promises go unfulfilled, the more lies I was told, the more I built something up only to watch it crumble before my eyes… Well, it hurt more each time it happened.

Even the little things started to get to me. Things like planning a family picnic. I’d tell my husband that I’d like to go on a picnic next Saturday. Throughout the week, I’d remind him. We’d talk about bringing some games, should we pack a meal or bring a bunch of sacks, would we bring a blanket to sit on or can we sit at picnic tables, etc. Toward the end of the week, I’d start mentioning that I’d like to leave at a certain time. On the day of the picnic, hubby would inevitably wake up with a headache or some other ailment. So, staying positive, I’d try to get things together by myself: make and pack food, get all of the kids’ supplies together, get the kids dressed, get myself ready… All while trying to keep an eye on a very wily toddler! The entire time, I’d be positive, “Oh, this extra rest will help him feel better!” Thirty minutes before it was time to leave, I’d go see how hubby was feeling. He’d get up and ever-so-slowly start to get ready. An hour later, he’d still be screwing around, doing a million things that he doesn’t need to do that suddenly become important NOW. The kids would start to get restless, fight with each other, get hungry… I’d finally just tell hubby he could stay home. He’d act disappointed, but agree that I should just take the kids by myself… again. The whole picnic would end up being a disaster. I’d be grouchy from the entire thing with my husband. The kids would still be tired and hungry. Little Guy would hit “I can’t hear a word you say to me” mode. I’d end up yelling, we’d leave the park much sooner that expected, I’d get home and just be so disappointed in everything.

So, I taught myself to think of all of the bad things that could happen. I’d make myself believe that they’d all occur. I figured that, that way, when something went right, it’s be a bonus! Suddenly, I was thinking negatively about everything. I became a helicopter mama – Little Guy could fall off the playground steps and crack his head open. Someone might see my oldest walking to his friend’s house and kidnap him. Every little thing had me freaking out. It wasn’t fun.

My oldest snapped me out of it. One day he had been invited to go with a friend to one of those splash mountain water park places. He came home, excited, and told me all about it and how much fun he’d have. Then he started adding little things like, “I hope their car doesn’t break down this week so we can’t go.” And, “I wonder if their floors are slippery? I don’t want to fall and get hurt.” There were more of these comments until he had talked himself into believing that something was going to happen between now and the date of the trip that would prevent it from happening. He comforted himself from the disappointment by deciding that it would probably be better if he didn’t go because it could end up being dangerous both driving there and at the water park. Isn’t it interesting how our children show us the real reflection in the mirror?

I knew I had to stop the negativity. I knew, but it was hard to do. I can’t stop myself from feeling crushed when my hope is trampled. I still haven’ figured out how to do this. I have learned to not be expectant of anything – in either a positive or a negative way. When I plan a picnic, I just plan. I don’t expect it to be good or bad, I just expect that we’ll have a picnic. It’s not as fun as getting excited about it and anticipating the joy we’ll have together. I’d love to be positive all of the time – LOVE IT. However, I am not ready for it.

Right now, I think that passively planning for things is best for me. I know I can’t expect everything to go wrong all of the time. I also know that I cannot take the emotional roller coaster that excitement and disappointment will bring. I am working on being positive, though, in small steps. This holiday season, for instance, I have decided to try to be positive. I made an Advent calendar and included little activities to do for each of the 24 days. They are little holiday activities that run the gamut from easy, five-minute crafts to spending a few hours at a museum. Rather than thinking of all that could go wrong or thinking of nothing at all while I plan, I am going to try to let myself get excited about our daily activities. I think that the trick, for me, is to not put any real expectations into the excitement. In other words, I will try my best not to envision us, as a family, walking hand-in-hand through the museum – with the kids cooperating with each other, Little Guy following all of the rules without my having to remind him, Hubby chatting away at me and happy to be there… Nope, I’m just going to be excited to get out of the house to go look at the decorated Christmas trees on display there.

Hopefully, by being a little positive in each of our daily activities, I will form a habit of thinking positive when it comes to other things.
Click HERE to add this linky to your own post!

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 3: Being Positive

  If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

 How many times have you had something good happen to you only to think, "Well, that was the good news, now where's the bad news?" Do you rehash the negative things that occur in your life? When your family has great plans that the kids are excited over, do you remind them that things may fall trough (like the trip to the beach could be canceled due to rain)? When you child tries something new and almost gets it right, do you say, "Next time try doing it this way," instead of just praising them for trying? Maybe you just carry around doubts in your head about the decisions you've made?

These are all manifestations of negative thinking. Some are more destructive than others, but they all can create negative feelings inside yourself. And negativity doesn't just ruin your day. It can cause health problems and even be the key that unlocks the door to depression and a ton of other mental illnesses. And our negativity doesn't just affect ourselves. Our children are learning from us.

Do you really want Johnny to refuse to learn how to ride his bike because he just knows that he'll fall? Should a child learn to be cautious of every good situation because something bad may happen that could ruin the "good" part? Think of how a carefree childhood can become one filled with fear and sadness due to learning negativity from Mom and Dad. Chances are, things aren't that bad in most households. But learning negativity over being positive in any one instance can set a child up for a hard time.

Even if our children don't learn the behavior from us by some miracle, it's still important. A miserable parent can't cover up their negativity for long. You may not voice it, but your actions can speak louder than words. Thinking negatively can cause stress. And I know that, when I'm stressed, I get kind of bitchy. I snap at the kids and my husband tiptoes around me. Not a very great way to pass a day - or even an entire childhood!

I think that being positive is a very important topic to consider on your journey toward mindfulness. Having a positive outlook doesn't mean you should be singing all day and just having a great time. Throwing caution to the wind isn't the answer, either. But, thinking of ways to change the negatives into positives and even dealing with the negatives in a positive way can be the answer.

Think of this very negative situation: You don't have the money to pay the gas bill and the utility company comes around and shuts you off. Not a good situation! You can't just ignore it and whistle a happy little tune - you have to worry about it. But freaking out and going over all the bad things in the situation (no hot water, no furnace, no cooking) is just going to cause panic in your child AND teach him or her how they should react in a similar situation. But presenting a positive outlook first, "Hey, guys! We can all have frozen dinners cooked in the microwave for dinner tonight. Then, to stay warm, we can all camp out in the living room together." You can have a family conversation to discuss the problem in a positive manner, too. "Boy, we really need to get the gas turned back on, but we don't have quite enough money to do it. Does anyone have any ideas on how we could get money? How about any ideas about how we can deal with the situation until the gas is back on? We can't eat frozen dinners every night!"

So, this week, we need to think of all of the little ways that we act or think negatively and then find a way to be positive, instead. My plan is to just keep an eye on myself and write down whenever I catch myself being negative. It may be hard to recognize, at first, but I think that a few days will be enough for me to get used to seeing it. Then, I want to go over all of mt negative acts and thoughts figure out could have been positive, instead. The rest of the week will be spent getting into the habit of stopping my initial negativity and turning it into something positive. I hope I can come back here next Friday and give you a great report of how my week went!

If you'd like some other ideas of how to remove the negative and replace it with the positive, read THIS POST at The Parenting Passageway.


If you've written a post on being positive/negative, please add it here. We're aiming at having links added by Dec. 2, when we will begin Topic 4. But, if you'd like to add your post to the lanky after that date, you are welcome to do so - everyone must move at his/her own pace! It does not have to be a new post. This is a collaboration and all aspects are welcome. We can learn from each other and help one another on this journey toward more mindful parenting!

Click HERE to this linky to your own post!

Forgive and Forget? {Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

First, if you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Once again, I'm way behind! This time, though, it's not been because I've been too busy. No, I've spent quite a bit of time just sitting here, staring at an empty screen. I just don't know what to wrote about forgiveness. It's a HUGE word with a ton of meaning.

There have been many instances in my life where I've had to forgive. I think that's true for everyone. No one goes through life with no one doing something to them - even if it's a tiny little thing. I've had some pretty big problems with people. Sometimes I've been embarrassed, other times I've been hurt. Sometime during my 20's I realized that forgiving those things is the best way to go. Stewing in anger or trying to figure out how to get back at someone only causes stress and an overall bad temperament. Even if you let the issue drop on the outside, but harbor bad feelings inside, it can eat you alive. Letting go is so freeing!

So, "forgive and forget" became my motto. It worked so very well for quite a while. I could easily forgive - even when someone did something mean and nasty on purpose. I just felt sorry for them. I mean, how terrible must one's life be that they feel they must make someone else miserable? But, I learned that the forget part isn't all that great. I've been burnt by the same person for the same reasons repeatedly. There's a line you just have to draw to protect yourself from further abuse.

This is where I have a problem. I look at forgiveness as completely dropping the whole incident. I can't put a relationship straight unless I can start anew with the person. Constantly being on guard against another wave of trouble hampers that relationship. I'm looking inside and trying to figure out how I can do this. It's not easy and I'd love anyone who has figured it out to PLEASE help me! (I'm not talking about silly little things. I can get over those. It's the big ones that rock my life, and sometimes mu family's, that I'm talking about here.)

Now, let's turn to me. I have worked hard to learn how to forgive myself for the stupid mistakes I've made. I used to just treat myself like crap because I didn't think I was good enough for the blessings I had. Then, I realized that those mistakes were important to create who I am now. First, I have learned from them. I know better to do the same stupid junk again. I think that, if I can say I've learned something, then the mistake was probably worth it. Next, I realized that you can't go back and change things. No matter how much guilt I laid upon myself, I could never, ever change the things that happened. If I can't change it, I have to let it go. Guilt can make one feel the way I did - worthless and undeserving. Finally, there are a couple of things that I won't let me forgive myself for. Yep - I said it. I'm not going to tell you what they are, but they're not pretty. I'm waiting patiently until I can right those wrongs. Until then, I just cannot let these go. I will try to fix them, or at least do my best to do so. But until that time arrives, they'll stay in my heart.

I also want to tell you that I think that showing forgiveness is the best way to teach my children how to do the same. I don't want them growing up and carrying guilt around. We talk about hypothetical situations in which their decisions could hurt or help someone. We talk about things that have happened to them that are causing sadness and anger, then we figure out how to forgive. When I make a mistake, I admit it to them. I'm not to pompous and stubborn to make them believe that I'm perfect. Showing them that I'm sorry (not just saying it!) helps them let go and forgive me for screwing up.

Lastly, I need to share the whole "I'm Sorry" thing. I don't make my kids apologize for things. They do it on their own. In this house, "I'm sorry" means "I screwed up and learned from it. I will try my best not to make the same mistake again." I think that children who are forced to apologize without really knowing why and then let off the hook learn that those two magic words erase all wrongdoing. The problem is they don't learn the part about not doing it again. I was raised this way and so was my husband. I learned the difference. He is still learning. When he says "I'm sorry" to me, it is just words. I tell him so. I remind him that he has to show me he's sorry because the words aren't an eraser.

If you've written a post on forgiveness, please add it here. It does not have to be a new post. This is a collaboration and all aspects are welcome. We can learn from each other and help one another on this journey toward more mindful parenting!

If you'd like to add this linky to your own post(s), click HERE to grab the HTML.

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 2: Forgiveness

First, if you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Yeah. So the plan was to post every Friday, but as you can see, that's just not happening. Life seems to have "interfered" with blogging. I can easily forgive myself for this because, as one who is striving to be a more mindful parent, I feel that taking the time to pay more attention to my children and husband is the first priority. There are a million things that I must forgive myself for in my past, though. Some I will be able to work through. But others I'm not so sure about. They are VERY BIG things that may take me until my dying day to feel OK with - if I can do so at all. 

If you head on over to Erin's post about the topic of forgiveness at it's OK, you'll find a very in-depth look at what Topic 2 is all about. Here is an excerpt, but I urge you to read her entire post:

"Our second topic in the Mindful Parenting Collaboration is Forgiveness. If you practiced ten minutes a day of inner work for topic one, guess what? It's not time to stop. In fact, to live and parent mindfully, daily inner work is an important thing to strive for until it becomes a natural habit. For the next two weeks we challenge you to focus your inner work on Forgiveness."

"This week, make a list of things you need to let go of. Choose something to focus on releasing. Whatever type of inner work you prefer, focus on this release as you do it this week. You might want to write about it and link up next week. Or you might find that this topic is personal and best kept to yourself. Either way, join us and do some letting go!"

Though I am late in posting, I have been thinking things over. I tend to look on myself as a very forgiving person but, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if that's true. If someone does something against me or a loved one, I may not outwardly say, "I hate that person", but I will separate myself from them. No more contact, I might think of them from time to time, but I don't really worry about them. I think these might be grudges that I need to let go of. I have some major problems with my husband and some things he did in the past. I cannot trust him 100% and, if I can't trust him, how can I give him my entire heart? I need to work on forgiving him. Finally, there's me. As I said, there are some things that I cannot let go of. There are others that will take time, but with some work, I can forgive myself for. 

So, although it's in my head, I need to make an actual list of all of the forgiving I need to do. Having a visual reminder will help me keep on this, rather than "forgetting" and then not getting around to it. Keep on the look out for my follow-up post on Friday (hopefully!!!) to see how I've done.

If you've written a post on forgiveness, please add it here. It does not have to be a new post. This is a collaboration and all aspects are welcome. We can learn from each other and help one another on this journey toward more mindful parenting!

(Not Really) My Personal Mission Statement {Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

Note: I’m not going to spill the whole can of beans in this post, so there will be some things left unexplained. If I were to open up and just dump everything, this post would be an eBook and I’d probably send Blogger offline due to the amount of memory it would take. So, the loose ends are there only because there’s just not enough time and space to explore everything I’d like to in this post. Also, I’m going to start off somewhere out of the ballpark, then make a bee-line through left field Stay with me… I’m zeroed in on home plate and will get there!

I’ve had over a week to really concentrate on some of the questions that were asked in The Parenting Passageway’s first Mindful Mothering post. The problem is that, though I write “I” at least a hundred times a day. “I think/believe/feel that …” Yet, when it came time to really examine who I am now, I couldn’t find any definition(s) that were accurate. You see, my husband became physically disabled a few months before Little Guy was born. At the time, I was taking online classes and had a very specific goal in mind: I would earn my degree in education in June of 2011 and start the 2011/2012 school year as either a teacher or a substitute in an elementary classroom. And, up until early this year, all was going as planned.

Then I had to start dropping classes. You see, along with chronic pain that was slowly and steadily increasing, my husband started to have mental problems. I don’t know if it was the constant pain that caused it, maybe the medications that he’d been on (Lyrica is poison – do not ever take the stuff, please!), or (most likely) a combination of the two. I have a good understanding of the reasons behind many of his screwy behaviors, but understanding doesn’t make those behaviors more bearable. He’d be up for days on end, unable to sleep. He’d forget if he took his medications… so he’d take more. He’d wander down the stairs and outside in search of the bathroom at 3am. He’d turn on the oven to make God only knows what and then forget it was on. Then, when he’d finally pass out, he’d have terrible nightmares that would cause him to yell out, hit, push, kick… he’d sleepwalk doing this. Sometimes, these nightmares would wake him after only a couple of hours of sleep and he’d be back up and wandering around. Add the fact that he has problems with his bones that cause severe throbbing pain that is barely touched by pain medications and rubs. Now, he’s wandering around - sometimes banging into things, sometimes trying to carry heavy items – he’d end up hurting himself even more… This is still going on and it’s getting worse by the day, I don’t know why it’s all in past tense. Just go with it for me? (I need to add in here that he's not like this 24/7. He has good days and bad days. Sometimes we get 2-3 good days in a row. Other times, we have hours that are good and some that are bad. I just never, ever know what's coming next.)

Anyway, take the problems with my husband and add a two-year-old with a lot of moxie. Little Guy is not an easy-going kid who lets others make decisions for him. He’s full of self-esteem & pride in his “I do it myself” abilities. He can be very stubborn (got that one from me – my motto was “I’m Always Right” up until just a few years ago!) He feels that if he is physically or cognitively able to do something, then he should always be allowed to do it. He needs to be watched every minute he’s awake. I’m not kidding. I can’t even run to the bathroom to pee without coming back to a child who’s poised on the edge of a bookshelf or covered on black Sharpie. Therefore, everywhere I go, he goes. I have to take showers with him. I tried taking them at night or naptime, when he’s asleep. No – he has a little guy in his ear who yells, “NOW!” over and over until he wakes up. There’s some kind of intuition in him where he just knows.  With my husband wandering around all of the time and Little Guy just waiting for my attention to be diverted, I really need to be on my toes. 

Then there’s my oldest. I really can’t say enough good things about him. He helps me out with Little Guy. He helps keep tabs on hubby. He does his homework (all A’s and B’s!), he on the cross-country team and working hard. However, he’s also a teenage boy. I understand his frustrations, I really do. But this is his family and I need help sometimes when he’d rather sit around doing nothing. He’s never talked back to me; he’ll eventually take out the trash… My problem with him actually lies inside me. I can’t be the mom I want to be to him. He’s relied upon too much for someone his age, yet I can’t do it all by myself. We rarely get one-on-one time, I feel the chasm between us widening, and I panic. But what can I do? 

Now, with all three of these people who I love so dearly needing so much from me, doing anything for myself just became a luxury. I mean, I can’t go to the coffee shop downtown by myself and sip on a latte while reading my favorite book. I haven’t done a girls’ night out (or even “in”) for so long that no one even asks me anymore. The last time I did any artwork for myself was… LOL – I don’t know! I’m not feeling sorry for myself about these things. My family comes before the luxuries. I just don’t even think of my wants anymore. It's not as if I have no happiness. Read my posts – I can look at the good in my family and enjoy it so thoroughly! 

So, I attempted to do my schoolwork late at night. I’d be so tired that my papers looked like something a sixth-grader would write. I’d figure out which assignments were worth the most points and only do those to save myself time and frustration. When I got too far behind, I’d have to drop the class…Finally, it caught up with me. My student financial aid package was so screwed up from all of the drops that, this past month, I was told I’d have to wait at least until next June to take any more classes without having to pay out-of-pocket. We now have no money coming in. I am currently in panic mode. 

Getting a job is out of the question. Without a degree, my education means nothing. I can hope for waiting tables or some other minimum wage job. With earned income, we’ll be cut off Medicaid coverage, meaning my husband WILL die (he has many other health problems that require a doctor’s constant supervision, testing, and medications.) My husband would need to be supervised by someone (?) and I don’t see him agreeing to one of those adult care facilities. Little Guy, who has only had two vaccinations, would need to be “brought up to code” and sent to day care – both of which I am very much against. My oldest would be forced to take even more responsibility and I’d see even less of him. Oh, and after paying for medical bills, day care, and someone to watch hubby, do you think there’s be enough to even buy a single decent meal for my family (I know there wouldn’t be money for rent and utilities!) I’d be working 40+ hours a week while other people (or no one at all) care for my family and for absolutely nothing in the end. (*Check out Bowling for Columbine's part about the little boy who shot a classmate in Flint, MI. The Michigan Works program hasn't changed one bit.]

That’s where I am right now. Trying not to freak out, trying to keep everyone safe AND happy, trying to decide for all four of us what the next step will be. That’s when I realized what my personal mission statement should be. 

PEACE.

Okay, I should explain a little more. I need inner peace. My mind goes around and around. While spinning (yarn) the other night, I managed to find some peace. My thoughts just stopped and I wasn’t anywhere in particular. This is what real meditation is, right? No thinking, just being? Peace = A quiet mind. 

I get very angry with many people. At doctors who just write my husband a prescription for whatever the last drug, rep was selling. At my oldest for begrudgingly slamming the door because I finally lost it and told him to take out the garbage (NOW!) rather than asked him nicely (again… and again…) At Little Guy for running to the computer and opening 1,000 tabs the second I head to the kitchen to get a refill of coffee. And, especially, at my husband for not being my husband – just another (very big) kid that I have to watch over. The last one is very, very hard for me. I get extremely infuriated with him. Sometimes, it just feels as if he acts the way he does because he can. As if he has a license to not take any responsibility for his actions and not even try to change them because a doctor gave him a label: ADHD, memory loss, insomnia, depression, bipolar – pick one, he's been told he's got them all. Oh, and there are more, too. (Just one more reason for me to not care for most doctors!) 

Anyway, this anger builds and builds in me. I usually blow right about the time PMS sets in. I just lose it – I let everything go and no one feels good about anything afterward. I’ve tried to write my thoughts down to just get them out of my head to keep this ferocious wife and mother from surfacing, but it doesn’t help. I need to tell someone about it. I would LOVE to head to a psychologist’s office once a week just to unload my tensions and anxieties. I can’t. Nowhere to put Little Guy and hubby for the hour or so that I’d be gone. I can’t talk to my family about this. Hubby was NOT welcomed into the family when we married to begin with! The news of Little Guy was received with more tsk-tsk’s than smiles. Moreover, these people seem to think that my oldest is a slacker who needs to learn how to be a man. I do not know where to get my Peace from on this one, but it is something that I will think about as often as possible. I know the answer is sitting right in front of me… 

Revenge is toxic. I do not wish to “get even” with those who have done me wrong. It’s just not right. And, hey, there’s always karma to even things up, right? Well, I thought long and hard about karma this past week and have decided to look at it in a different light – the one I believe it was meant to be seen in. You see, saying, “What comes around goes around,” is just another way of feeling vengeance. A person who says this feels good in knowing that the person who has wronged her will end up getting paid back eventually. I don’t want to feel that spiteful. I still believe in karma, but I’m not waiting to see what happens to so-and-so after they’ve treated me badly. Peace = Letting go.

I have a few more peaceful revelations that I’ve come across this past week, but I’m going to close up that can of beans before someone around here knocks it over. I’m going to brainstorm the anger thing… I really feel that if I can get it under control, things will look so much better for all of us. PEACE isn’t going to solve any of my problems – I’m not going to disillusion myself! Nevertheless, it sure will make me strong enough to deal with whatever is coming next. 

Check out the other Mindful Parenting Collaboration posts below and, please, if you’ve written a post about inner work and/or a personal mission statement, I invite you to link it below! Collaboration means group effort – we’d love to hear your opinion on the subject.

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 1: Inner Work {#MindParColl}

First, if you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE. 

This week, we will be working on ourselves. What? I thought this was supposed to be about how I interact with my kids! Yes, it is about our parenting, but we need to figure out just who we are and where we’d like to be before we can consider our parenting practices. Just jumping in to change how we parent would be akin to working a customer service job – all fake smiles and a cheery façade without truly showing how we feel. Kids aren’t easily fooled by this – they know when words and actions come from the heart and when they seem to be scripted. Moreover, that customer service job only lasts so many hours a day. You have downtime from it. You can call in sick. Heck – you can even quit. Not so with parenting! Therefore, it is important to start with ourselves in this search to figure out what kind of parents we want to be.

The first step is to lay the groundwork for mindful parenting by doing some personal inner work. There are many way one can go about this. There are so many possibilities here. You could try meditating, yoga, and/or working on your spirituality. Maybe even get out a giant imaginary eraser and start at square one by considering the blame you place on yourself and others and then begin forgiving. You want to be calm and at peace with yourself and others before you try to be a calm and peaceful parent.

One of the more straightforward tasks you may want to consider is creating a Personal Mission Statement. Head over to The Parenting Passageway’s first post for a very good list of questions to get you going. Don’t view this as “homework”, but more as a way to get in touch with you. I can tell you that it has been years since I really knew who "I" was and what kind of person I want to be. Periodically taking time to rediscover myself has seemed like a selfish venture when there were so many more important duties on my plate as a wife and mother. But, when we are confused in or unhappy with our own lives, how can we care for our loved ones? Now, creating your own mission statement is something that you should plan to take a little time doing. Check out this article by Stephen Covey about writing mission statements (I know it says “Business” at the top, but keep reading – I promise it gets personal fairly quickly!)

You may also want to check out Hybrid Rasta Mama’s first post to the Mindful Mothering Challenge to explore how she planned to go about this topic of inner work. Whatever you choose to do, you should make a commitment to work on it every day for a pre-determined amount of time - even 10 minutes per day can be enough to get the wheels turning in your head!

MY PLAN:

I need to make time to explore myself, first off. I think that since lying with little guy when he goes to bed and down for a nap are kind of black holes in my days. Yeah, we do some talking, but then he rolls over and listens to his John Lennon or Yellow Submarine CD's (for the gazillionth time) and I end up staring at the ceiling. I could be trying a little meditation here. I could be asking myself some of The Parenting Passageway’s questions – one at a time – and really exploring the answers. I get two 30-minute periods a day, on average, to do this. Once he’s asleep and I stealthily sneak away, I could write down some of the thoughts I’ve had in a journal. By the end of the week, I should have a pretty good idea about where I want to go and who I am. My collection of journal writings could easily be transformed into a kind of personal mission statement. I also think this could become a great habit that will allow me to continually reconsider my thoughts and ideas.

My goal is to have a personal mission statement written that I am 100% comfortable with by next Friday!

If you would like to join us in The Mindful Parenting Collaboration, please link up any posts that you may write introducing the concept. If you have done this in the past as the Mindful Mothering Challenge, or any other name, please link up your old post that corresponds with this subject. We’d also appreciate any posts that deal with inner work and creating personal mission statements. We also invite you to grab the linky code by clicking on “Get the InLinkz Code” at the bottom of the post and adding it to your own post.

get the InLinkz code

Are You Up for the Mindful Parenting Collaboration?

I have been following along with Hybrid Rasta Mama's Mindful Mothering Challenge posts for quite a while now - she just finished it! I've wanted to jump in and start taking part in my own challenge, but just never had the push to do it. Writing my submission (HERE) to the Mindful Mama Blog Carnival (hosted by TouchstoneZ and Becoming Crunchy) last month got me heading in the right direction, but I still didn't have the motivation I needed.  

Fate intervened and I received an email from Erin (it's OK), asking me if I would be interested in joining her in this Mindful Mothering challenge and blogging about it. I have to admit that I did NOT get back to her right away. This would mean that I'd have absolutely no choice to quit once I got going. Now, you'll notice, if you've been reading my blog for very long, that I tend to start things, say, "I plan to post about this every so often." then you never hear about it again. I don't have anyone to answer to but myself, so I just procrastinate until it's too late and then throw the whole idea out the window. I swear, I have a TON of posts in draft on Blogger, MS Word, and in notebooks that just need to have finishing touches added and they're ready to go - good posts! No motivation or anyone counting on me to post, so I don't. Well, this endeavor is different - I have another person counting on me to do my part. I will (hopefully) have people looking forward to my posts each week and bloggers who'd like to join in. When someone counts on me to do something, I can't let them down, so this is a year-long commitment I'm getting myself into! 

Read below for information!

Beginning October 21st McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts and it’s OK will be co-hosting a Mindful Parenting Collaboration.

What is This?!

This collaboration is based on The Parenting Passageway's 20 Days Toward More Mindful Mothering, originally posted in 2009. Recently Hybrid Rasta Mama (and others, as well) followed this as the Mindful Mothering Challenge. It was originally done as one concept per day to consider in examining your parenting and how to make it more conscious, loving and effective. Hybrid Rasta Mama spent more time, roughly one week, working through each of the concepts. We thought we'd spend two weeks on each one, to allow us time to consider the concept, apply it to our parenting, write about our experience, and read other people's results as well. 

Why "Mindful Parenting Collaboration"?  We wanted to keep this open to all parents. Maybe, if both mom and dad are going to take part in this together, they may want to take turns writing posts... "Collaboration", I think, is more appropriate to the mindful theme here. I keep reading posts on the subject of mindful parenting and see that many have written that this shouldn't be work or something that is hard to do. Since I have yet to go through all of the steps, it looks to me like I'm standing at the foot of a huge, rocky mountain. Maybe I just can't see the gently sloping path...

We invite you to join us!

How it works:

We'll explore 20 aspects of mindful parenting, such as gentle discipline, realistic expectations, rhythm, nature, working through the body, and inner work. One week, we'll post and discuss a concept to consider, invite you to set a personal goal relating to it, and share our goals. The next week, we'll post our results of working with our goal, and invite you to link up your own results. If you've done the challenge in the past, you're welcome to link up your posts on the appropriate week as well! We welcome those who've "been there, done that" to share their own experiences with us. You may even want to consider writing a short reflection post, telling us how things are going with each particular subject in the present.

 Please feel free to grab the button. Eventually, I'll figure out a way to share the code in a "fancy" code box with you! For now, here's the HTML:
 

<a href="http://mccrenshaw.blogspot.com/search/label/Mindful%20Parenting%20Collaboration"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_01xcNlkw7v5iGDgE1md4HZLykD9-hg4SXVOh3XKs_6Axd0QqLEUmFWa0beCNki2qi8MpgSjmLKrs9ZI_X38phZCz2AyTx0sfIpmnN7i56cRPsVidnzNZNsgocRCYBeCy2SdMIgF1llPB/s200/Mindful+Parenting+Button+2.jpg" width="125" /></a>

How conscious is your parenting?

* Image for the button is from Flickr's Creative Commons