Yeah, I'm jumping on the "First Day of School" bandwagon this year. My little boy is a high school freshman and I just can't seem to grasp that quite yet. It's scary for a mom! I have to get off his back about homework, schedules, and loosen up a bit on the rules now. This is the time when he's supposed to learn how to take care of himself, while still at home with a loving and supportive family there to catch him if he should fall.
|
Shoes on... |
He skipped a grade way back when he moved from homeschooling to "real" school. So, I think that because he's 13, not 14 like his classmates, it scares me a little more than most moms. He may have the book smarts to be grouped with these kids, but his maturity and responsibility levels are a little off. We've already had some problems with him remembering things. He is at that "I know what I'm doing" stage and refuses to write anything down because he'll remember it all. He missed his very first cross country meet yesterday because he didn't remember that I told him to ask his coach where the team was supposed to meet to take the shuttle to the event. He forgot that I told him to pack clothes to run in. He forgot to ask about getting a ride home with a teammate who lives close to us. He was told to write it all down. He came home feeling terrible about the entire thing. I could have made him a list, but what about next time and the time after that? I think that his feelings of bewilderment at his self-assurance, guilt of not supporting his team, and sadness at missing his first high school event will help teach him to make a list more than any nagging I could ever do.
The thing is, this is the first time he's ever signed on to an extracurricular activity on his own. This is the first time that he's taken the initiative to head to practice on his own - with no car, this means he has to ride his bike 3 miles each way to the site. He even set out last Friday to practice (with NO reminder from me!) when it was 100 degrees out. Practice had been canceled due to the heat (he'd have been called if he had remembered to turn in the paperwork I filled out three days before!) On the days that there is no practice, he is planning his own 3 to 4-mile runs. I'm amazed at all of this and want to support him as much as possible.
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Then there's the schoolwork. The district provides a wonderful student planner to all students at the beginning of the year. It's only day 2 of the year and he's not written one thing in it except his name. I've shown him how to use it and have threatened life & limb if he doesn't write in it at the end of every class. "I forgot." "I didn't have time because the bell rang." Blah, blah, blah. I'm kind of stuck on what to do about this. I can ground him, but that doesn't do much good - I found that out last year. I can give him "punishment" chores to do, but that won't work too well, either.
I went through this stuff, too, when I was his age. I barely did my homework because it was a waste of time to me. Once I learned something, it stuck. I'm not the type of learner who needs repetition to ingrain something into my memory. I paid attention in class, did the reading or a few problems, and I was done. I aced the tests and, even without doing any homework, I managed to get by on C's. I don't want this for him. He really wants to attend University of Michigan. He's even been offered a $10,000 scholarship if he manages to get through high school without his GPA ever dipping below a 3.0. I'm really trying to be empathetic here, but I don't want him to miss out on such an amazing opportunity.
So, I'm really stuck right now. My baby bird needs to start testing out his wings. I will be there to catch him when he falls. But how far do I let him go before pulling him back into the nest?
|
... and into the world of high school! |
I'd love any advice!
Both from moms who've been there done that and those of you who just remember back to starting high school.
PLEASE, I'm really coming up with nothing right now and would love some help.
No idea is too simple or complicated at this point!
82 comments:
Wish I had some advice to give you. It is so hard to let them try flying on their own when you know they may fail, but then, how else do they learn?
That is an amazing scholarship opportunity, though, and it would stink for him to lose it -
good luck!
He looks so little... we had some of those struggles when we had a middle school boy, but he's not with us now that he's starting high school, I suppose it is different, you're right he's got to learn to take care of those things - maybe he needs you to let go slowly and give him gentle reminders. Good luck!
My twins just started their freshman year in high school,too. It's crazy to even think that they're that old already.
When my oldest was in high school, I was a little judged by other parents because I gave him so much leeway and freedom. I felt like I was giving him freedom to fail in a safe environment. The high school years is a great time to let them try things their way and learn from their mistakes. It's much better than micro-managing every aspect while they're teens and then after school, sending them out there to figure it out on their own without a safety net. On the schoolwork thing, I'd give my input several times and then let him try it his way. If it doesn't work his way, he'll probably figure it out before it's too late and past the point of no return :-)
@dumbsainthood
Thank you so much for this input. We're nearly a month in and I've followed your tip. So far, he fell behind once, right at the beginning. But he's managed to work hard to get caught up and hasn't let himself slip again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for him. Oh, and constantly reminding him to "Do Your Homework!!!"
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