To all the little kiddies under 18 out there:
This is not a post for you. Please hit the back button, close the page, or anything else that will get you away from this page!
I know, once again it has been too long between posts. It's not that we aren't... um, being intimate. It's just that life has been getting in the way of posting. You know, going outside to play, making new recipes, and this Intimacy Experiment really has us making extra time for each other, too. The making time for each other has a lot to do with Day 2 of this whole thing.
I guess that, when you get farther into your relationship, you move past the hot & heavy, hanging all over each other stage. Maybe you have kids and they take the place of your significant other in your arms. Maybe you just feel as if you've "matured" and don't need to have all of those public displays of affection like you one did. I don't know... whatever the reason, it seems that nearly every relationship has a cooling-off period. It can become a way of life. One day you stop and wonder why you never embrace each other just for the heck of it... Has the steam gone out of your relationship?
So, I was really surprised to see that Day 2 of the KY Intimacy Experiment is labeled "It's Not Just About Sex" - yeah, it does end up with sex (I mean, it's KY!), but there is a lot more you need to do first. "Day 2" actually took us a couple of days to get through. It had to do with "transferable desire", or those connections you make with your partner everyday - little hugs as you pass in the kitchen, helping one another with chores, holding hands while going for a walk... Not things we really did anymore. As I thought it over, it seemed that we were more like roommates than a married couple!
We were really out of touch with each other. The first exercise asked us some questions that we were to write the answers to in the journal. Since we're both really trying to get back into our relationship on the right foot, we were very honest in our answers. I wrote mine on one page and hubby wrote his on another - neither of us looked at the other's answers until we had some alone time to discuss them. What were the questions, you ask? Here are the questions:
- To what extent are you stuck in a "non-transferable" relationship?
- Is it rare for you and your partner to have any sort of non-sexual physical intimacy?
- What are the challenges you face to transform your relationship into a transferable one?
- If you find yourself reacting negatively to non-sexual intimacy, why do you think this is?
It seemed that many of our answers were identical! It was such a relief to get our conversation going and realizing that we both felt the same way. I can't tell you how in-tune we felt with each other - while one of us was talking, the other was eagerly nodding our head and saying, "Yeah! Exactly!" By 3am (yeah, that late!), we were finished talking and holding each other - in a NON-sexual way. It just felt like we were really in on our relationship together - something that we had both felt was not ever going to happen again.
The KY Intimacy Experiment book also gave some suggestions on ways to help us both with our transferable desire. These were very simple little acts that could be done throughout the day to help us feel closer to one another. Some of my favorite were: Say "I love you", Email each other, Watch favorite TV shows together, and Do chores together. It was amazing how much closer we felt to each other just by doing these little acts.
The second exercise (night time!) was really great, too. The exercise was in two parts. First, we were supposed to just hold each other. When it got uncomfortable, we were to keep on holding... until all the tension disappeared and we were just melded into one another - comfortable. It took a while. We're so used to having to hurry up. It's usually late, Little Guy might wake up at any minute and snub out the fire, we have to get up in the morning... you know how it is. But, once we both had reconciled that we were going to go through with this, no matter how long it would take, we both relaxed a little. It was nice to just enjoy being together. Neither of us talked, we just concentrated on how it felt to be in one another's arms. Eventually, we were both in a nice state of bliss.
Force yourself to be completely in the moment, despite how uncomfortable it feels." It was uncomfortable... at first. But as we got used to the idea of being together - here and now - and keeping our eyes locked, our desire skyrocketed. I may sound like I'm a guy bragging, but that was some of the best sex we'd had in years!
|Here's the PRIZE!|
For TWO MORE ENTRIES, give me some more ideas on everyday things that hubby and I could do to increase our transferable desire. I listed a few in this post, but am open to any ideas you may have. We need all the help we can get! Just leave your idea in a comment and for the second entry, just type "Entry 2". Please remember to leave your email in one of your comments.
You must have done the Mandatory entry on my original giveaway post, HERE, in order to receive the extra entries on this post. I will add these entries to the original entries when I choose a winner.
This is open to US residents. YOU MUST BE 18 OR OVER TO ENTER! Giveaway will end on July 30, 2011, at 11:59 pm EST
*I received no monetary compensation for this giveaway, this blog post, or the blog posts that will follow. I did receive a K-Y Brands Intimacy Experiment package in order to fully participate in the program and tell you about it.