Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Reviving Old Connections {Day 2 - KY Intimacy Experiment & GIVEAWAY!}


To all the little kiddies under 18 out there:
This is not a post for you. Please hit the back button, close the page, or anything else that will get you away from this page!
Sincerely,
ME!

I know, once again it has been too long between posts. It's not that we aren't... um, being intimate. It's just that life has been getting in the way of posting. You know, going outside to play, making new recipes, and this Intimacy Experiment really has us making extra time for each other, too. The making time for each other has a lot to do with Day 2 of this whole thing.

I guess that, when you get farther into your relationship, you move past the hot & heavy, hanging all over each other stage. Maybe you have kids and they take the place of your significant other in your arms. Maybe you just feel as if you've "matured" and don't need to have all of those public displays of affection like you one did. I don't know... whatever the reason, it seems that nearly every relationship has a cooling-off period. It can become a way of life. One day you stop and wonder why you never embrace each other just for the heck of it... Has the steam gone out of your relationship?

So, I was really surprised to see that Day 2 of the KY Intimacy Experiment is labeled "It's Not Just About Sex" - yeah, it does end up with sex (I mean, it's KY!), but there is a lot more you need to do first. "Day 2" actually took us a couple of days to get through. It had to do with "transferable desire", or those connections you make with your partner everyday - little hugs as you pass in the kitchen, helping one another with chores, holding hands while going for a walk... Not things we really did anymore. As I thought it over, it seemed that we were more like roommates than a married couple!

We were really out of touch with each other. The first exercise asked us some questions that we were to write the answers to in the journal. Since we're both really trying to get back into our relationship on the right foot, we were very honest in our answers. I wrote mine on one page and hubby wrote his on another - neither of us looked at the other's answers until we had some alone time to discuss them. What were the questions, you ask? Here are the questions:
  • To what extent are you stuck in a "non-transferable" relationship?
  • Is it rare for you and your partner to have any sort of non-sexual physical intimacy?
  • What are the challenges you face to transform your relationship into a transferable one?
  • If you find yourself reacting negatively to non-sexual intimacy, why do you think this is?
It took both of us a couple of days to truly think over these questions and give real answers. It's really hard to be honest about these things with one another - neither of us wanted to hurt the other. But, in order to get past this giant bump in the road, we knew we had to be open about our answers. Once we both had written the answers in the journal, we had to wait a little longer to find the time to discuss what we had written down. Not easy when the kids are up late and you both have a million things to do all day long. We finally decided to make a pot of coffee at midnight and get our talk over with - what's one night of lost sleep and one day of being tired when it comes to making your marriage work better? 

It seemed that many of our answers were identical! It was such a relief to get our conversation going and realizing that we both felt the same way. I can't tell you how in-tune we felt with each other - while one of us was talking, the other was eagerly nodding our head and saying, "Yeah! Exactly!" By 3am (yeah, that late!), we were finished talking and holding each other - in a NON-sexual way. It just felt like we were really in on our relationship together - something that we had both felt was not ever going to happen again.

The KY Intimacy Experiment book also gave some suggestions on ways to help us both with our transferable desire. These were very simple little acts that could be done throughout the day to help us feel closer to one another. Some of my favorite were: Say "I love you", Email each other, Watch favorite TV shows together, and Do chores together. It was amazing how much closer we felt to each other just by doing these little acts.

The second exercise (night time!) was really great, too. The exercise was in two parts. First, we were supposed to just hold each other. When it got uncomfortable, we were to keep on holding... until all the tension disappeared and we were just melded into one another - comfortable. It took a while. We're so used to having to hurry up. It's usually late, Little Guy might wake up at any minute and snub out the fire, we have to get up in the morning... you know how it is. But, once we both had reconciled that we were going to go through with this, no matter how long it would take, we both relaxed a little. It was nice to just enjoy being together. Neither of us talked, we just concentrated on how it felt to be in one another's arms. Eventually, we were both in a nice state of bliss.

Force yourself to be completely in the moment, despite how uncomfortable it feels." It was uncomfortable... at first. But as we got used to the idea of being together - here and now - and keeping our eyes locked, our desire skyrocketed. I may sound like I'm a guy bragging, but that was some of the best sex we'd had in years!

Here's the PRIZE!


Extra Entries!
For TWO MORE ENTRIES, give me some more ideas on everyday things that hubby and I could do to increase our transferable desire. I listed a few in this post, but am open to any ideas you may have. We need all the help we can get! Just leave your idea in a comment and for the second entry, just type "Entry 2". Please remember to leave your email in one of your comments.

You must have done the Mandatory entry on my original giveaway post, HERE, in order to receive the extra entries on this post. I will add these entries to the original entries when I choose a winner.

This is open to US residents. YOU MUST BE 18 OR OVER TO ENTER! Giveaway will end on July 30, 2011, at 11:59 pm EST

*I received no monetary compensation for this giveaway, this blog post, or the blog posts that will follow. I did receive a K-Y Brands Intimacy Experiment package in order to fully participate in the program and tell you about it.

21 comments:

Nancy said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Bonus entry:

During the day, a scalp massage is very relaxing to receive and nice to give, too. Have the recipient sit in a chair, you stand behind him, and just use your fingertips to gently massage the full scalp.

Nancy
allibrary (at) aol (dot) com

Nancy said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

(Bonus)

Entry 2

Nancy
allibrary (at) aol (dot) com

Kelly said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I've been so enjoying these posts Alicia - and it's great to see how well it is all working! I've been meaning to get to a lot of these suggestions... :)

kindra said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I think its important to let yourself get excited about the prospect of being togather. so often after you have been with someone for a while it starts to feel like an obligation, something you pencil in after dinner before your fave show. insted of the exciting reward you get at the end (or beginning, or middle) of the day..lol
athenasgrace17 at yahoo dot com

kindra said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

entry #2
athenasgrace17 at yahoo dot com

Lisa said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

One of my favorite things to do for is to leave handwritten note in my husband's lunch box. Just a little something to tell him that I am thinking about him. :) I also leave him handwritten notes where he will see them when he gets home from work. I think it's nicer than sending an email. :) You could try leaving little "love notes" for your hubby.
You could also try going for a walk. Hubby and I hold hands and go get the mail and check out our garden together almost daily. :)

Lisa said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

entry #2
michaelswifey @yahoo.com

NW Homesteader said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

when you have music on, just grab him and dance with him :)
alklong at hotmail dot com

NW Homesteader said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

entry #2
alklong at hotmail dot com

The NEW Mommiez Blend said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

When I used to work outide the house I would always leave before the hubby so in the morning i would write on the bathroom mirror something sweet or sassy in a lipstick I didn't use anymore. Just a quick way to show that they were on your mind. I know it's not a together act, but maybe he could write something back :)

Chelle

The NEW Mommiez Blend said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Entry #2.

Chelle

tlcrum06 said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

One thing that I find gets my husband's attention or vice versa is to flirt with him during the day. Make a quick, sexy phone call. Spray your cologne on something you know he will come into contact with. When he's on the phone or distracted, just walk by him and quickly brush up against him..not saying anything. These little things can stir up bigger things... ;0) .

tlcrum06 said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Entry #2
tlcrum06 @ att dot net

Katie said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

My boyfriend likes to come up behind me and kiss the back of my neck. Randomly I will spray that part of my neck with his favorite perfume. It makes us both more cuddly.

ktsullivan03 at gmaildotcom

Katie said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Entry #2

ktsullivan03 at gmaildotcom

LindaHnub said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

leaving notes for one another telling them one thing you appreciate about them, getting little "gifts" for him such as his favorite chocolate or beer, and always affirming him, telling him that i love him and one thing I appreciate about him, that I'm really happy being married to him, etc
lindanuhawes@gmail.com

LindaHnub said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

#2
lindanuhawes@gmail.com

Shanna said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

We often send each other texts or picture messages when we aren't together!
stkc79 at gmail dot com

Shanna said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

entry #2!
stkc79 at gmail dot com

Momma Jorje said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Day 2 - Extra Entry #1

Reading this reminds me that my hubby really rocks. I don't know how he does it! It seems so effortless for him, but he tells me *often* that I'm sexy. (I've got a small baby bump and usually wearing jammie pants. I do NOT feel sexy!)

We are both affectionate in passing and occasionally cuddle up, but... not as much as we used to. I miss cuddling up on the couch to watch a movie together. Our seating arrangement isn't as conducive as it once was.

So there's my suggestion. Cuddle up together to watch a romantic (or your choice) movie together. This could be good practice to spend time touching each other even with a little one underfoot and the teen around. I realize there may be interruptions, but try to stick to cuddling together as much as you can.

Momma Jorje said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Day 2 - Extra Entry #2