Teaching Children Critical Thinking Skills

"Look at our cool new toy! All the kids love it. See how much fun they're having? YOU could be having this much fun, too, if only you had this toy! Check out this kid... He was playing all by himself until he got this toy. Now, he's got a ton of friends who brought their cool toys over so they could all play together - and they're having a pool party, too! Just beg your parents for the toy and they'll get it for you... if they love you! Only $19.95. Get it NOW!!!"

That's how it starts. When we're young. Commercials have power. Did you ever beg for the toy in the commercial, only to have someone actually buy it for you? If you got the toy, was it nearly as cool as it was made out to be? Did it do all of the cool things the commercial promised? Did it break five minutes after you got it out of the package?

Advertising is amazing, isn't it? I remember when I started to realize that everything I saw or heard on TV wasn't exactly true. It made me feel smart that advertisers couldn't use the power of words and pictures to make me believe everything they said. I learned to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen. I figured out that the statistics that get flashed in front of me may have come from studies of 10 people. Like, "9 out of 10 physicians we asked prefer our brand!"

But, I didn't get the full jist of critical thinking until I took a college course on it. I learned about red herrings and hyperbole. I learned how it's not only advertisers who use this stuff. You need critical thinking skills for everything - politicians, drug companies, and the government are great at getting people to believe them. We're supposed to trust them, right? Why would they lie to us?

I have thought that schools should be required to offer critical thinking classes to all high school students. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that we cannot trust such a big job to them. They are part of the government! I believe that, if schools were to include critical thinking skill in their curricula, they would do a great job of teaching children to be wary of advertisements. Period. The government relies heavily on our trust in it, so why would it go out of its way to teach entire generations to question authorities of any kind? It could be disastrous to politics.

***Now, before we go any farther: The examples I am going to be using are MY personal beliefs. It doesn't really matter what I believe or what you believe. These are examples. It's the lesson that are important, not the personal political and health topics of the examples. So, if you don't agree with my point-of-view, that's cool. That's not what I'm writing about... OK? Still with me? Good.***

1) Do Your Own Research

Remember a couple of years ago, when governmental health departments were threatening us with possible death from the flu if we didn't go out and get an immunization against it? There was a huge advertising campaign that probably cost billions of dollars that tried every angle known to man to get every man, woman, and child immunized against this killer. I remember one letter I received in the mail from our county health department, after we all should have received our shots. It was pretty creepy and gave me a "BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!" kind of feeling. The letter stated that they knew my children had not been immunized with the flu vaccine and gave me a date and time of when a health department social worker would be at my home to talk with me about why I chose not to give the shot. Or, I could have the kids immunized, get a doctor's note, and mail it to them within two weeks. I was scared to death that they might have the power to take my kids into custody just because I didn't agree to have them immunized. Once the fear ebbed, I came to my senses and did some research, asked questions, and finally called them and told them a visit wasn't necessary. (Thank you, NVIC!) My state allows parents to refuse vaccines based on their philosophical standpoint. The letter was their way of scaring parents into getting the shot. I didn't know it at the time, but my friend received the same letter. She had her kids to the doctor the next day - she was sure her kids were headed to foster homes if she didn't do what she was told.

Now, I'm not writing about anyone's personal decision of whether to immunize or not - I just wanted to show you an example of how the government can cause panic by not giving you all of the facts. Nowhere did my letter tell me my rights. I now know that I could have thrown the thing out, let the worker show up at my door, and refuse him or her entry. There's nothing they could have done.

2) Question Authority

As parents, we need to step up and teach our children to question authority. They have a right to ask questions. Even the basic laws we have, in our homes or in our government, should be questioned. Laws are basically a way to keep peace in society. (Yes, I know. Nowadays, laws are more than that, but let's go into that another time.) There are laws about how to act when you drive a car. These are laws that keep us safe: Stop at red lights, drive at or below the speed limit, the car on the right has the right-of-way. A child might question one of these laws: Well, why do we have to stop just because the light turned red? If we didn't stop at red lights, people would go whenever they want and two cars going in different directions could crash. You can also teach kids that laws are a kind of set of rules for manners: You stop at red lights to give drivers going in the opposite direction a turn. I don't want my children to act like blindfolded sheep, just following along with the herd. The more questions they get answers to, the more they learn.

I know that I was safe from being charged with any kind of neglect for not having my kids immunized because I didn't just believe what they told me. I looked for my own answers. It's great to answer any questions that young children have, but it's even better to show them how to find the answers on their own! When my oldest was still being homeschooled, I used to carry a pen and a pad of paper with me. Whenever he had an authority-questioning inquiry, I wrote it down. This was back before the days of using the Internet to find all of your answers, so we visited the library once a week. I showed him how to look for books using the card catalog (yes, before computerized library systems, too!) Many times, we found ourselves in the law section of the library. But we also visited biology, physics, sociology, and reference. He learned how to find answers to his questions.

At the beginning of the school year this year, he came home pretty upset. One of his instructors was teaching the class that our Congress-persons were in Washington D.C. as representatives of the people who elected them. These representatives made decisions based on the needs of those people. My son's says he shook his head (now, my thinking is he probably made a snide comment to a classmate...) The teacher asked him to stand up and say what his problem with the lesson was. Now, he thought this was really cool - high school is a meeting of the minds! He told the teacher his basic understanding was that big companies usually told the representative what to think. (Now, whatever your opinion on this subject is is fine with me. This is my belief and I have explained my belief to my son who then adopted it as his own. For the purposes of the story, the table could have been turned and the teacher was telling the students about lobbyists and my son was on the other end of the argument. It really doesn't matter to the outcome.) The teacher asked him to gather his things leave the classroom. No explanation. Didn't send him to the office. Nothing. He stood in the hallway until class was over. He was confused, afraid, and angry. He had questioned authority and even gave his reason for questioning and was tossed out of class for it. He didn't think he'd done anything wrong and neither did I.

Now, I'll leave the rest of the story for another time because it really has nothing to do with my post. What it does show is that, when we begin to question authority, we're bound to run into those who are afraid of our questions. We need to prepare our children for this - something I neglected to to for my son. I'm remedying the situation right now. He needs to know that questions are OK to ask, whether the response is appropriate or not is another thing entirely. When he questioned the teacher's lesson, she didn't know how to cope with the challenge, so she reacted inappropriately. He now knows that he has the right to ask - no one can take that from him just because he's a kid! An improper response is just that - improper. He's not responsible for that part of it. And, if he should end up in trouble for asking a question, I'll stand behind him. Incidentally, I've also taught him the difference between questioning authority for a legitimate reason and doing it just to make trouble.

3) See For Yourself

Back to that cool toy. I think the only way to convince kids that commercials are not telling them the whole truth is to show them. Buy your kid the "must have it" toy once in a while, if you can afford it. Here's how I did it with my oldest (still working on this with Little Guy.) He saw the commercial and just had to have it. And the darn commercial was on every single time we turned on the TV. The toy was in every ad insert in our Sunday newspaper. He saw it in the stores when we went out. He constantly begged for it. I got sick of hearing about it, so I decided that I'd try something other than ignoring the pleas. Whenever the commercial came on, I'd sit with him and watch it. I'd ask him questions: Do you really think that thing can fly that high? Does it really walk all on it's own? Wow - I wonder if that kid's friends are playing with him because they like him or the toy more. Do you think that mom would love her kid any less if she didn't buy that for him? Do you know that I have go away to work for three hours just to make enough money to buy that one toy? On and on. I asked one, maybe two, questions each time the stupid commercial came on. We talked about the answers. He still wanted the toy. So, I bought it for him for his birthday. He was so excited... then heartbroken. It was not nearly how he thought it would be. It broke the next day while he was trying to make it do something he saw it doing in the commercial. We talked about it. I asked all the questions again, this time he had the answers down. He knew.

The one experience didn't teach him to be wary of commercials. Soon there was another must-have toy and we went through the same things. I think we had about a year, between the ages of four and five, where the cycle repeated about four times. After that, he started asking himself the questions. To this day, there are still times when he comes across something he really wants. But, usually, it's because he's done his research and still wants it. And, usually, the thing ends up being true-to-life. He doesn't get caught up in all of the promises that ads make. In fact, I'd have to say that he's onto them even faster than me! Now, when a commercial comes on TV and we're watching together, we play a game of pointing out all of the crazy claims that they make. He loves being smarter than the advertising pros!



Do you have any advice on how to teach children critical thinking? Please share them. I think that Little Guy is going to be harder than my oldest was to teach these skills...

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 5: Take Care of YOU!

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Now, here's a topic that I can't stand to deal with. Yes, I know. This is one of those pieces of advice that everyone gives, yet no one seems to actually take. How in the world am I supposed to find time to do what I want when I have to take care of all of these people and make sure the house is clean, too?! Wanting to do my own thing just feels too... indulgent. Until recently.

You see, I've been becoming increasingly resentful toward my husband and sons. They constantly ask me for things, even expect them to be done, and I don't get much reciprocity in return. Christmas was the breaking point for me. I had so looked forward to the holiday. Planned lots of fun things to do, had high hopes for getting a chance to bake and craft, and wanted this to just be a great time of excitement for the kids. But it was all a struggle. Now, I'm not going to say I took on too much or expected too much from everyone. I asked my husband and oldest to PLEASE take turns hanging out with Little Guy for one hour a day so I could do my own thing, which was essentially to "make" Christmas for them. It worked for about a week, then they were too busy (watching TV, eating, and playing games on the computer) to help. "Why don't you just wait until he's taking a nap?" And the resentment wasn't just aimed at my ungrateful hubby and teen. Little Guy, who loved helping me in the kitchen just a few weeks earlier, decided that he was bored with it all and preferred to run like a heathen through the kitchen, grabbing everything he could reach and throwing down the stairs. So, yes, I was not too keen on his "help", either.

All of this resentment came to a head on New Year's Day. I woke up in a great mood. New year, new outlook, let's start fresh, blah, blah, blah... My oldest woke up and very snottily informed me that we were out of milk, as if it was MY fault and MY sole responsibility to get more. Little Guy, upon hearing of the milk situation, demanded warm milk and honey to drink. The demands became ear-piercing screams because my oldest (who is very lucky I didn't decide that my no-spanking policy was shit) was holding the empty milk jug in Little Guy's face, saying in a cheeky tone, "What's wrong with you? Are you STUPID? There IS no milk! Mom didn't get us any!" That's when hubby came out. "Will you guys keep it down? I can't hear the TV." He decided to go take a shower (which I hadn't gotten a chance to take in a week, by the way, because no one would hang out with Little Guy - he needs to be paid attention to while he's sleeping, too, because he tends to wake up and be very stealthy!)

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 

I AM SO GODDAMN SICK AND TIRED OF 

YOU PEOPLE BEING HELPLESS IDIOTS. 

OLDEST - GO TO THE F***ING STORE AND 

BUY SOME F***ING MILK!!! 

LITTLE GUY, JUST F***ING DEAL WITH 

THE FACT THAT THERE'S NO MILK. 

AND, HUBBY, IF EVEN ONE DROP OF WATER 

TOUCHES YOUR BODY BEFORE I GET A SHOWER,

YOU'LL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE -

WHICH WILL NOT BE VERY LONG!!!!!"

You could hear a pin drop. They all stared blankly at me. I pointed at my oldest and he RAN into the bedroom to change his clothes for his trip to the store. My husband jumped at the teen's movement and ran to pick up Little Guy. He got him some hot tea to satisfy him until the milk showed up. Little Guy did the best thing of the three of them: He ran over and gave me a big hug and said, "Sorry, Mama." I took my shower and felt 100% better... physically. I apologized to my family and they all looked at the floor guiltily. They "got" why I flipped out.

Now, I told you this because this could happen to you if you do not take time for yourself. You can become burned out, miserable, resentful, and may even begin to wonder if you really want to be "mommy" and "honey" to these people you live with. You slowly forget who you are, what you want out of life, what makes you happy. You're there to please others. Period.

So, this week, I suggest you try to remember who you were before hubby and the kids. What did you expect you'd be doing at your age? What kind of things do you enjoy doing? Do not make a list of things that you need/want to do around the house. It doesn't count. Make a dream list. Next, see if any of those things on your list could be modified to fit into your life right now. I expected to be an artist. While I have neither the money for supplies, nor the time to devote to this, I can take a little time each week to just create... Pinterest, here I come! Next, make yourself a list of realistic things you'd like for yourself. These could be as simple as "Take an hour-long bath." or "Give myself a pedicure." Nothing that takes a huge amount of time or money. Do one each day. Yes - each day.

Love on yourself. If it makes you feel guilty, think of it this way: You want to be a mindful parent, right? In order to be a mindful of others, you need to practice on yourself. I was angry at my family. Looking back to the weeks before my New Year's Day Fireworks, I was not treating my family mindfully. Heck, I was not treating them well at all. I did all the things I was supposed to do, but there was no smile on my face or love in my heart while I was doing them. I fought for every second of time to be able to do those things and, by the time I actually got that time, I was ticked off at my family.

This week, I will make sure to take time for me. Creatively, physically, and emotionally. In fact, I've already started tonight. But, I'll wait until next week to tell you about it!

I'd like to invite you to link any posts you have written on the topic of being mindful of yourself in the linky below. I'd love to hear your ideas and thoughts on this subject. I really need all the help I can get - I do not ever want to feel that way I did about the most important people in the world, nor do I want them to ever witness the explosion from me the way they did first thing in the morning on the first day of 2012!

Get Your Own CODE for This Linky

MY Post About Having a Three-Year-Old

Now, I keep reading posts by moms of three-year-olds that say their kids have suddenly morphed from sweet little toddlers into bratty little princes & princesses who are moody and demanding. Yep. I have to concur with these moms - Little Guy is the same. I've really been questioning whether I'm raising a brat or just a strong-willed and independent little boy. The kid seems to create his own tantrum situations.

"I not listen to YOU!"

 Yesterday, he woke up and demanded cake for breakfast. Now, first of all, I'm not giving him cake first thing in the morning and he knows it. Sugary goodness turns him into a bitter devil. Second, we didn't even have cake - haven't had any since October, in fact. I pointed out that we don't have cake (because the "no, you have to eat something healthy" was just asking for a tantrum), in hopes that he'd see how his request would be impossible to fulfill. Tantrum ensued anyway. And his tantrums are no longer just a toddler kicking and screaming for a few minutes before he's ready for a hug. Uh-uh. Now, they entail long periods of crying about unfairness and how I don't like him anymore. They also have toy-throwing, wall-punching, and all kinds of other lovely behavior. I end up putting him onto the bed and blocking his way off because I just won't put up with that shit. Sometimes he'll go on for an HOUR about something like I got him milk to drink rather than the juice that he telepathically told me he changed his mind about while I was pouring the milk he requested.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have read and read on how others deal with this kind of behavior (Aha! Parenting has some great articles) , but the ideas just repeatedly backfire. He's a smart little one and, while a new approach will work the first time, he sees through it the second time. I'm finally getting him to say his feelings ("I'm very, very ANGRY!!!") so I can mimic them back to show him I understand. But it's not helping - instead of yelling and screaming about the problem, he just yells and screams about his emotions.

My husband isn't helping, either. Due to some physical and mental problems, he's not spending enough time with Little Guy to even be able to understand his speech. When he is around, he gives in to the demands just to avoid the tantrums. This means that Little Guy is "the boss of Daddy" and he sure throws his weight around! When my husband just cannot give in, such as a situation like the cake one or something that is dangerous, he goes from weak-willed Daddy to the guy who's threatening to spank. Especially when Little Guy is hitting (yeah - THAT makes sense!) Then Dad leaves because "I can't deal with this anymore." UGH!

The only thing I can think of doing differently is spending more one-on-one time with him. I thought that we already did a lot of it. But, now that I stand back and evaluate our time together, we don't. We might be in the same room, but we are both doing different things. He'll be playing with his cars while I hit up Facebook for the latest news. Not really quality time.

I have a ton of projects that I want to do with him (check out my Pinterest Kids' Crafts and Recipes boards!) but I really need to get my house in order first. So, I've been working on getting our house cleaned out and organized. I've been asking him to help me, which he eagerly agrees to do. Unfortunately, he will help for only a few minutes - then he's into things he knows he should not be playing with, running into the bathroom and tossing anything he can get his hands on into the toilet, or running into my oldest's room and messing with his stuff (our doors don't close correctly, thanks to shoddy carpentry.) After five or ten minutes of cleaning, we end up throwing in the towel for a little while. It just feels like an uphill battle right now and I'm becoming disheartened and frustrated. I'm going to keep up with this, though, because I'm pretty sure that the novelty of it will wear off and he'll (eventually) be able to focus on our "Important Jobs" that I need his expert help to complete.

This kid is busy. He's smart and can see through plans and, I swear, tries to foil them just for the heck of it. He really wants to be helpful and spend quality time together - it's just that he's still at that self-centered age and wants the best for himself first. And, thanks to Daddy, he thinks that flipping out and throwing a huge tantrum is the way to get those things. I suspect that he leans toward the ADD side due to his inability to do anything for more than a few minutes - even the things he LOVES to do. He's got a great sense of self and takes pride in anything he does - especially when he doesn't need help to do it.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I don't do rewards for a good job - I want him to learn to do good things because he will feel good inside, not so he can get a sticker or piece of candy. He is often congratulated when he obviously struggles with something and overcomes it, whether it is getting his pants on by himself or helping me do the dishes without getting down off the chair and running around the kitchen getting into everything. He knows the rules that are unchanging (mainly safety ones) and the rules that can be bent (the "harmony ones" that help us all live together.)  

Tantrums Are on the Rise (Again...)

I just read Mummy in Provence's post for Stream of Consciousness Sunday, titled: Toddler Tantrums.   about her 18-month-old daughter's tantrums. I started to write a reply, then realized it was so long that I may as well turn it into a post. This is in response to her question:

"Any tips on how to cope with these Toddler Tantrums?"

Here's my response:

Little Guy's tantrums have been steadily increasing since they started, when he was around 18 months old. Nowadays, a "good" day is when he only has three or four. There are days when he'll have four in an hour! I attribute them to his increasing independence. He gets frustrated when he can't do something (whether he's not allowed or incapable - it doesn't matter which.) I also noticed that growth spurts can lead to more tantrums, too. Between being hungrier and more tired, plus he's probably a little achy from growing pains, he gets extra-crabby.

Sometimes he will throw a tantrum because he cannot have something he wants, but knows that it is impossible for me to even give him. Yesterday, he wanted to watch Thomas and Friends... on TV, not the DVD's we have. Thomas was not on TV at that time, so I told him that we would have to watch a DVD if he wanted to see the show. This led to a ONE-HOUR TANTRUM - I kid you not. A couple of days ago, he wanted to go to the library at 10pm. He is well aware of the fact that the library is only open in the daytime, when it's light outside. It's as if he's asking for the impossible just so he can let loose with his emotions. It drives me nuts and I often find myself taking it personally. I need to walk out of the room, cover my ears, and count to 10, 50, even 100 just to keep my cool.

The good news is, the more he is able to effectively communicate with words, the shorter the regular tantrums have become. I started to ask him to talk to me from the time his vocabulary suddenly had a growth spurt, around 2 years old. My mantra has been "I can't understand you when you cry or whine. Please use words to tell me the problem." If he is too upset to talk and I've given him enough time to feel that he's shown me how displeased he is, I'll ask him questions using vocabulary that he needs. "Are you feeling sad because you can't do ___?" And: "You must be very frustrated that the puzzle piece won't fit there." When he can tell me what the problem is, at least he knows his feelings have been validated.

I also communicate my own emotions to him. "I am becoming very angry because you are just screaming and crying and won't come talk to me." It lets him know that I can feel the same emotions as he does. It also makes me feel better to let off that little bit of steam. Just saying that I'm angry/frustrated/sad aloud makes ME feel that MY emotions have been validated!

I don't give in. This sounds mean, doesn't it? The thing is, with Little Guy, I've learned that giving in once means he'll try the tactic 1,000 more times. What I do is offer alternatives. I don't just give him one thing: "The library's closed. We'll go to the park instead." I don't give him an infinite number of choices: "The library's closed. What else would you like to do?" I give him two options: "The library's closed. Would you like to go to the park, or go for a walk?" He's back in control of the situation, yet he's not completely overwhelmed with choices.

Recently, he's started having tantrums that seem pointless. Today he had one because one of his Hot Wheels ran into another one. HUH?! He's the one in charge of the damn cars, and now he's sad because he made one car be mean to another? I quickly learned that the cars have absolutely nothing to do with these outbursts. About 95% of the time, I can stop him in mid-scream by offering a hug. "Wow, you must feel very sad about your Mercury Coupe getting hit by the Viper! Why don't you take a break from your cars? I'll bet you'd feel better if we laid down on the bed together and I gave you a bunch of big hugs." Sometimes he falls asleep, ans sometimes he's back in action and feeling happy in a few minutes.

Sometimes, there's absolutely nothing I can do. He just gets himself so upset that anything I say or do just feeds the fire. That's when I feel some big mama anger bubbling up. I need to step out of the situation, and fast. I'll gently set him on the bed and let him scream, hit, kick, etc. I will tell him once or twice to let me know when he's done so we can talk or hug. Then, I have to mentally take myself out of the situation. I'll watch TV - any show! - with Closed Captioning on and really pay attention to it. Sometimes I head to Facebook or enter a couple of giveaways. Anything to keep my mind occupied. I'm always in the same room with him to make sure he stays safe and to be here for him when he's ready.

Finally, I don't hold a grudge or act superior. I'll never rub his nose in the fact that he did all of that screaming for nothing because he didn't get his way. I won't act angry with him after he's finished all the yelling. I never bring the subject up again, as in "Remember the last time you wanted to ___ and I said 'No'? You freaked out and cried and screamed." It just reminds him of a bad time he had and tells him that I might still be angry about it because I remember it. I'm working on getting my husband and oldest to avoid these things, too. When they do it to Little Guy, I can really see how badly he feels about himself. Who would want to make a little one feel sad and ashamed? Why would a parent ever want their child to feel as if they didn't love their son or daughter as much just because of an emotional outburst?

Now, I'm no expert on the subject of tantrums. My oldest had less than FIVE tantrums - ever. When people used to complain about their kids' tantrums, I'd be secretly rolling my eyes at them. Now that I'm in over my head with them, I understand. I also know that it's important to listen to other parents' solutions to the question of how to deal with them. I sometimes wonder if I'm raising a bratty little boy and it scares me that he could grow into a nasty adult. So, now it's MY turn to ask:

Do you have any tips on how to deal with tantrums?

I Have the Coolest Teen!

After we went trick-or-treating tonight, I saw this on Momma Jorje's Facebook status:

"It's Halloween. Tonight a lot of creatures will visit your door. Be open minded. The child who is grabbing more than one piece of candy might have poor fine motor skills. The child who takes forever to pick out one piece of candy might have motor planning issues. The child who does not say "trick or treat" or "thank you" might be shy or non-verbal. The child who looks disappointed when he sees you...r bowl might have an allergy. The child who isn't wearing a costume at all might have SPD or autism. The child who is screaming at the top of her lungs probably can't help it. Be nice. Be patient. Its everyone's Halloween. Make a mom feel good by making a big deal of her special child."

There was one mom who we were able to help a little. She had a little boy who was around 5. I couldn't tell what his costume was, but it was handmade with 2 pieces of poster board - hanging over his shoulders like a sign. She also had a little girl who was around 2. The baby was screaming non-stop. Not the usual "I'm tired" or "I'm having a bad time right now" scream. This was ear-piercing. She kept throwing her candy on the ground and then screaming to have it back.

The poor mom just didn't know what to do. Near the start of trick-or-treating, I heard her say, "If you don't stop, we'll have to go home." The look on that little boy's face was so heart-breaking. I just knew that this little girl probably had more than the usual "Terrible Twos" going on. I could just tell by his face that this would probably be one more time that his little sister's needs were going to come first. (Think of it from a five-year-old's perspective.)

I really didn't want to interfere. That was until one of the other parents LOUDLY made mention of what a terrible parent she must be. This snotty woman made mention of the "shitty" costume and the "bratty" baby. The mama looked like she was going to lose it - even though it was dark, those tears welling up in her eyes were clear as day.

My oldest offered to walk the little boy up to the houses - I was still trying to get my anger under control! So, I just stood with the mom and we talked. The little girl calmed down. It seems she was over-stimulated by all of the decorations and didn't want to go up to the houses. It was just too much for her. Plus, she was extremely introverted and hated going anywhere with people she didn't know around. Every time they started up the walk of a house, she thought they were going to go inside - where there would be people she didn't know. Over and over, they walked up to a house, she freaked out, then they walked away. This repetition caused her to just completely lose it and scream non-stop. My son's simple offer to walk with the little boy fixed it. Two houses down, the little girl stopped crying and was happy to sit quietly in her stroller and observe. She only cried when someone got in her face to say, "Oh, aren't you so cute!" (I'd have cried, too! LOL)

I don't know the mama's name, I don't know anything about them. We didn't get into that stuff. But she thanked me for walking with her - she said it made her feel a little stronger to have "someone on her side." The little boy was so happy with my son. He was holding hands with him and I don't think his smile could get any bigger. He had quite a haul of candy and I just know he was feeling rich!

I am so proud of my son. While I stood there, not knowing what to do, he stood up and did the perfect thing. I'd probably have said something nasty back to snotty woman. Possibly starting a yelling match, most definitely bringing even more unwanted attention to the mama. When I told my son how proud I was of him, on the way home, he looked at me like I was nuts. "What for?" "Uh, helping that little boy have a great Halloween." He just shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes at me. "Mom, it's not like I wasn't going to the houses with Little Guy anyway. What's one more kid?" I'm not sure if he was just playing it off, or if he really had no idea how wonderful his simple action was and what it meant to the mama, her daughter, and her son.

I wish I had seen Mamma Jorge's status before we went out. I'd have shared everywhere. Maybe if I'd have done that, it could have gotten to snotty woman before she had gone trick-or-treating...

Fire Safety with Little Ones

We're between Fire Prevention Week and Fall Back & Change the Batteries in Your Smoke Detector time right now, so I've been thinking about fire safety quite a bit. So, imagine the "The More You Know" ad intro from the 80's and 90's and then read my public service announcement (or just hit "play" in the box below)!


I am generally annoyed by all of the "What to Do in Case of a Fire" stuff that comes around. Geez! I know this stuff. Why do they keep bombarding me with it?! From the time a kid starts school, at least once a year, they are taught about fire safety. "Stop, drop, & roll". If there's smoke, crawl. Have family fire drills...

We're on the second floor of a house-turned-duplex. It's kind of hard to explain the set-up, but here goes: We use the door that used to be the house's back door. It is on the first floor of the house and our only way in and out. You walk inside and there are stairs that lead you to our apartment. These stairs are the original stairs to the second floor of the house - they're wooden and old. Beneath them is the downstairs apartment's kitchen. We have two kitchen windows that are over the downstairs apartment's porch roof. The bathroom, bedroom, and living room all have windows that would be extremely dangerous to jump from in an emergency.

Porch under our kitchen windows

Our "front door" and living room window

You just don't know how careful the people downstairs are going to be. We've had neighbors that were alcoholics, drug dealers, and one lady who ALWAYS seemed to forget she had put something into the oven. Luckily, we've never had to evacuate due to the neighbors' negligence or mistakes, but you just never know. So, when we moved in, nearly 6 years ago, it was important for us to make a plan. I bought three $15 rope ladders to keep by the windows that were too high to jump from. I had hubby climb out both of the kitchen windows to make sure we could reach the porch roof, if need be. We installed a smoke detector (in addition to the two we have hard-wired) down at the bottom of the steps just in case the downstairs caught fire - early warning system, you know?

And, yes, we had fire drills, made little maps of how to get out of each room, decided where we'd meet outside if we did need to get out fast... We checked out books from the library about fire safety, practiced "Stop, drop, & roll",  crawled all around the house as if it were filled with smoke, etc. My oldest, at 7 years old, was well-schooled. I would even give him little pop quizzes from time-to-time. Then I just let the subject drop. We all knew what to do, so why keep nagging until no one listened?

Yeah. The Fire Station Open House that we recently attended made me think that Little Guy is old enough to start learning about this kind of thing. So, I went over all of it with him. We're still practicing because repetition, in this case, is the best thing I can think of to get him to remember. As I was telling Little Guy about the escape plan, The Oldest walked in. "Hey, Oldest, how about you tell Little Guy about how to get out if the steps are on fire?" Blank. Stare.

He had completely forgotten. He didn't even remember "stop, drop, and roll" or that we have rope ladders near the windows. That's when I roped Hubby into the conversation. We don't have "Family Meetings", but I guess that's what you'd call this - with brownies! We did a fire drill, crawled on the floor, rolled around in the grass, etc. I drew a map of our apartment and posted it on the fridge (using an old dry erase calendar we never use.) It's there every time you open the refrigerator, so I'm hoping it will eventually get burned into memories!

My plan is to do the whole "training" over again each time we change the clocks - the same time we replace the batteries in the smoke detectors. I feel so guilty for not keeping up with my oldest's knowledge of what to do. Can you imagine if we had a fire and I couldn't get to him?! I don't want to...

Just Another 'First Day of School' Post...

Yeah, I'm jumping on the "First Day of School" bandwagon this year. My little boy is a high school freshman and I just can't seem to grasp that quite yet. It's scary for a mom! I have to get off his back about homework, schedules, and loosen up a bit on the rules now. This is the time when he's supposed to learn how to take care of himself, while still at home with a loving and supportive family there to catch him if he should fall.

Shoes on...

 He skipped a grade way back when he moved from homeschooling to "real" school. So, I think that because he's 13,  not 14 like his classmates, it scares me a little more than most moms. He may have the book smarts to be grouped with these kids, but his maturity and responsibility levels are a little off. We've already had some problems with him remembering things. He is at that "I know what I'm doing" stage and refuses to write anything down because he'll remember it all. He missed his very first cross country meet yesterday because he didn't remember that I told him to ask his coach where the team was supposed to meet to take the shuttle to the event. He forgot that I told him to pack clothes to run in. He forgot to ask about getting a ride home with a teammate who lives close to us. He was told to write it all down. He came home feeling terrible about the entire thing. I could have made him a list, but what about next time and the time after that? I think that his feelings of bewilderment at his self-assurance, guilt of not supporting his team, and sadness at missing his first high school event will help teach him to make a list more than any nagging I could ever do.

The thing is, this is the first time he's ever signed on to an extracurricular activity on his own. This is the first time that he's taken the initiative to head to practice on his own - with no car, this means he has to ride his bike 3 miles each way to the site. He even set out last Friday to practice (with NO reminder from me!) when it was 100 degrees out. Practice had been canceled due to the heat (he'd have been called if he had remembered to turn in the paperwork I filled out three days before!) On the days that there is no practice, he is planning his own 3 to 4-mile runs. I'm amazed at all of this and want to support him as much as possible.

... backpack ready...

Then there's the schoolwork. The district provides a wonderful student planner to all students at the beginning of the year. It's only day 2 of the year and he's not written one thing in it except his name. I've shown him how to use it and have threatened life & limb if he doesn't write in it at the end of every class. "I forgot." "I didn't have time because the bell rang." Blah, blah, blah. I'm kind of stuck on what to do about this. I can ground him, but that doesn't do much good - I found that out last year. I can give him "punishment" chores to do, but that won't work too well, either.


I went through this stuff, too, when I was his age. I barely did my homework because it was a waste of time to me. Once I learned something, it stuck. I'm not the type of learner who needs repetition to ingrain something into my memory. I paid attention in class, did the reading or a few problems, and I was done. I aced the tests and, even without doing any homework, I managed to get by on C's. I don't want this for him. He really wants to attend University of Michigan. He's even been offered a $10,000 scholarship if he manages to get through high school without his GPA ever dipping below a 3.0. I'm really trying to be empathetic here, but I don't want him to miss out on such an amazing opportunity.

So, I'm really stuck right now. My baby bird needs to start testing out his wings. I will be there to catch him when he falls. But how far do I let him go before pulling him back into the nest?

... and into the world of high school!

I'd love any advice! 

Both from moms who've been there done that and those of you who just remember back to starting high school. 

PLEASE, I'm really coming up with nothing right now and would love some help. 

No idea is too simple or complicated at this point!

I haven't Worn My Wedding Ring in Almost 3 Years!

OK.. I need some help here. You see, I haven't worn my wedding ring since Little Guy was a couple of days old. I don't know WHAT I was thinking when I picked it out... it's huge and sparkly. Not really "me", you know? Beside that, there is a lovely "certified" CZ stone in the center that was catching on everything and scratched my tiny newborn. The ring was banished to a drawer and forgotten about.

But now that he's bigger, I've realized that maybe I should start wearing it again. The thing is, I don't like it at all. We were married in the court house, so it's not like it was blessed for our marriage or anything. Hubby and I talked it over and decided that I should get a new ring - one that fits my style and all of the busy things my hands do all day. Below, there are five rings I found on Etsy that fit our budget (can you say, "What budget?!") They're not really traditional wedding-type rings, but I like them a lot. It was not easy finding these - I have arthritis creeping in, so my knuckle is a full size larger than my finger where the ring will rest. Plus, I have skeleton hands - to fit the ring over said knuckle, I need a size 5 - that means my finger is a size 4!

I'd love it if you could give me some feedback on these. I really love the Textile Ring, but I can't help but wonder if the fibers will last a long time. I convo'd (LOL - is that how you write it???) the shop owner to ask. I also like the Ebony Wood Ring, but have asked the shop owner if it'll last as a ring I wear all of the time and never take off - dishes, showers, baking, etc. can take their toll on something like this!

Textile Ring

Vintage Jade Filigree

Turquoise & Silver Ring

Ebony Wood Ring

Vintage Sterling Ring

My Boobs Are Too Little! {#WorldBreastfeedingWeek}

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I was scared to death that my kids would starve if I attempted to breastfeed exclusively. If they had negative bra sizes, I'd be their first choice for a catalog model. From the time I was 12 years old, I was told, "Don't worry, they'll grow!" Remember the book, Are You There, God? It's me, Margaret. By Judy Blume? I spent many-a-night doing "exercises" to the whispered mantra, "I must... I must... I must increase my bust!" Well, I hit 16, an age when many had assured me I'd be fully developed, still looking like a 12 year-old. Then, I read somewhere that the female body isn't completely done growing until the early 20's. I waited... nothing.

When I was pregnant, I never even thought of bottle-feeding. I'm the oldest of three and my mom breastfed (and cloth-diapered) all of us. It was normal - bottles weren't. But, as my due date drew near and hormones became unbearable, I began to panic. My boobs hadn't even gotten bigger while I was pregnant. My OB-GYN even made mention of the fact that I had no boobs on that last appointment before my due date. I had come into the office, armed with my birth plan. The very first line below the heading "After Baby is Delivered" said: "Please do not offer the baby water, formula, or pacifiers. I will be exclusively breastfeeding!" After that appointment, the same thought kept running through my head - How on earth would I keep this little baby inside me alive once it was out?! I rushed to the store on the way home and bought a set of Playtex bottles and a few cans of formula... just in case.

I was so lucky. That little one knew just what to do. As soon as mouth was in the vicinity of nipple, the little suckling noises began - just seconds after delivery! The latch was perfect. My milk came in quickly - only 24 hours after giving birth. I had no problems for the duration of breastfeeding my kids, save sore nipples, engorgement, and a few bites. No mastitis, clogged ducts, latch problems... nothing. The kids grew by leaps and bounds, even by the old formula-fed growth chart standards. Oh, and I had boobs!!! I wore all of those tight little shirts, bikini tops, and strapless dresses that I could never wear before. Like I said, I was VERY lucky.

Unfortunately, the remarks that pregnant and nursing mothers hear from others, like the one from my doctor, can take their toll. Especially in the hormone-filled minds of pregnant women and the sleep-deprived, 'why-won't-this-kid-stop-crying?!' minds of new moms. There are too many people out there giving bad advice and passing on myths that are oh-so-false. Here is the one I've heard over and over from mothers. It's not new. My mother-in-law was told this in the 60's, when she had my husband. My mom was told this in the 70's (Thank you, Mom, for not listening!), friends of mine who had babies in the 80's and 90's heard this, and I've recently had three different new moms tell me this in the past month, alone:

You're not producing enough milk - you'll have to supplement!

Oh, I HATE this one! First, mommy takes her precious newborn to the pediatrician for his first check-up. The baby has lost a little weight since birth and the phrase "FAILURE TO THRIVE" is brought up. Now, this poor mom, who has had this kid on her breast for what seems like 24/7 since he was born, hears (and it's probably meant to sound this way, IMO) a medical professional basically tell her that she's not good enough a mother to keep her baby alive on her own - she needs help. The fear, the humiliation... So, she supplements her breastfeeding with formula. Then, when her precious pea is around six weeks old, he acts like he's starving. She nurses him, but he wants MORE. So, she adds a few more formula feeds into the mix - her kid's hungry! Eventually, she begins producing less and less milk. She looks on breastfeeding as a huge failure and gives up.

There are a lot of wrongs in this situation, but there's not usually anyone around to tell mom the truth. I mean, her baby's doctor already "knew" she wouldn't be able to feed this child on her own. And the hungrier junior got, the more she believed it. What she didn't know is that doctors use an old growth chart - created by formula companies and based on the "average" growth of a formula-fed infant. (Yes, there is another growth chart out for breastfed infants, but many doctors aren't using it.) Breast milk has less fat than formula, so a child isn't going to plump up like he would on bottles. And it is normal for newborns to dip in weight soon after birth - think about how much water weight is in their skin and digestive system while they are in your belly. After birth, they kind of... dry out, and they pee and poop. The first milk they are getting is colostrum and in small amounts. It just makes sense to anyone willing to think that a baby will lose weight. But, with all of the hormonal changes and lack of sleep, it can be hard for mom to use her critical thinking skill effectively. People will take advantage of this - who doesn't like to sound like they're smart? Who doesn't like to feel like they can rescue a desperate mom from a dire situation? We all like to give advice!

They're wrong!!!!

Here are two more of those "critical thinking" things that a new mom's brain just doesn't have the energy for: The faster a child grows, the hungrier he will be. And:  The more a child nurses, the more milk you will produce. That six-week spurt is the one you'll think will never, ever end. But, you know what? I barely remember them now. I wish I had known about it ahead of time. Rather than freaking out, being cranky, and just wishing I could stop being a pacifier, I'd have planned ahead and enjoyed this time. I miss it. It's the picture you had in your head when you bought that super-comfortable rocking chair way back in the olden days when you were pregnant. Baby looking up at you while he nurses, the entire house is quiet except for the little sucking sounds he's making and maybe a lullaby from you... pure bliss! This spurt will last just a couple of weeks, enjoy it. Line up help with housecleaning and cooking. Don't let this time get away from you!

And what about the fear that your little one is breastfeeding so much because he can't get enough from you? Well, like I said above, the more he eats, the more you make. It's the perfect balance of supply and demand, ordered by Mother Nature herself! If a mom feels like she must do something to keep her little guy's belly full for longer, there are a number of methods to try BEFORE heading for that free sample of "just in case" formula that the formula company has so graciously sent you home from the hospital with as a parting gift. Drink more water. Sometimes, when we're dead tired and trying to learn this new little baby's characteristics, we forget about ourselves. I swear, at one point I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten anything (it must have been over 24 hours!) And, if water's not your cup of tea, then... well, have some tea. There are a ton of companies that make fantastic-tasting tea with all of the right herbs in them. One of my personal favorites is Sacred Rose's Matri Tea! Also, there are a ton of foods that will increase milk production. I craved oatmeal throughout my pregnancy and well into my first year of breastfeeding. This wonder-grain will visibly increase your infant's food supply. One of my favorite ways to eat it was in cookie-form! Add a bunch of dried fruits, some flax, wheat germ, honey, mashed bananas, zucchini... pretty much whatever your tastes may be. And, finally, you can take supplements. Fenugreek is an herb that has been used forever for nursing mothers. It increases milk production with a couple of interesting side effects: 1) Your sweat will smell like maple syrup. No kidding! It's weird, but at least you won't smell like boiled broccoli! 2) It also helps upper respiratory problems. Have a cold? Have allergies? They'll magically clear up - drug-free!

Once your little one hits 2 or 3 months old, most of the "you're not making enough milk" suspicions will go away. (There will be more growth spurts, but not anything like the one you just got through.) You'll feel more confident in your abilities to sustain life using your boobs. You'll be able to read your little one's signs more easily and understand what he needs from you before the crying (yours and his!) of the early weeks. And, you'll have your head back on straight - the hormone confusion of the weeks just after birth will have ebbed and you might have even gotten two hours' worth of sleep in a single stretch!

I’m celebrating World Breastfeeding Week with Natural Parents Network!
You can, too — link up your breastfeeding posts from August 1-7 in the linky below, and enjoy reading, commenting on, and sharing the posts collected here and on Natural Parents Network.

(Visit NPN for the code to place on your blog.)