Making Time for Me {Mindful Parenting Collaboration #5}

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

My post last week threw some readers for a loop. I received some private correspondence via my contact form that went from someone telling me what a terrible person I am all the way to someone sharing a story very close to mine that occurred on New Year's Day, too. I received reprimands, congratulations, and pats on the back. I know that what I told you about my lovely explosive reaction to being out of milk was pretty extreme. It was the result of self-neglect and holding everything in for a very long time. Just like the bottles of champagne that many people had shaken up just before midnight the night before, I blew my cork.

I am not proud of what happened. I probably would have not shared it here if the topic had been anything else! I apologized to my family. I felt guilty about my outburst for days. I even had nightmares about it. It took me a while to realize the root of the problem. I shared the experience here because I wanted you to know what could happen when we don't take care of ourselves as individuals. Taking care of our families is important, but we really can't be the best parent or partner if we neglect ourselves.

Below, I've shared some of the things I did over the past week to take care of myself, both mentally and physically.

Friday

Just after dinner, I left the dirty dishes in the sink. I told hubby that he was in charge of Little Guy - I was taking a bath. Soaked for an hour AND read a magazine. Actually shaved! THEN, took a shower, too. OMG! It felt so good to have that time to myself. I don't think it was the shower so much as the quiet and space to think. Yes, it felt over-indulgent, but the little bit of guilt was worth it.

Saturday

I won a $25 Gift Card to Sears recently. I had planned on using it to buy something we needed: a new toaster, for instance. Then I realized that I could use it at K Mart, too. You know what I did? I spent most of it on myself! I literally haven't had new underwear since BEFORE I got pregnant with Little Guy. Every pair O owned was either full of holes, stretched out, or totally unraveling. I bought 6 new pairs! (Came home and relegated the old ones to the rag pile!) I also got myself a new razor - the one I used last night was rusty and dull. I bought two brand new washcloths for just me. They're bright pink so no one forgets! I'm tired of hubby and oldest using a new washcloth every time they wash some part of their body, leaving me none. I bought a bottle of nail polish, too. This is another thing I haven't had since before I got preggo. I plan to use it, too! Oh, and I got an address book and a planner for my blog.  I really wanted a separate address book to keep track of my invisible friends in the computer. And, though I have a wall calendar where I keep track of my blogging, I really wanted a small book-type planner that I could carry around with me to keep ideas and plans as they come to me - lest I forget.

I did but some household stuff, too. Mainly toilet paper and cat food - things we always need. This, too, felt indulgent. I was very close to pulling my cart out of the check-out lane to put most of it back and get that toaster and maybe a family game, but then it was my turn to pay. I'm so glad I bought the stuff. I can't tell you how nice it feels to know I have pretty undies on! And I can't wait to give myself a mani/pedi.

Sunday

Didn't do much of anything specifically for myself, although I did use all of nap time to write blog posts and I spent a few hours after he went to bed reading and commenting on others' blog posts and entering giveaways.

Monday

My husband and oldest took Little Guy out for an "explorer adventure" in the woods. They had planned to be gone for just an hour or so. They ended up gone for 2 1/2 hours! I took the time to wash the dishes (without a 3 y.o.'s "help") and do some baking. I even got to wear headphones and listen to music because I didn't have to keep an ear open to listen for crashes or the eerie silence of sneakiness. And, when they got home, there were freshly baked cookies greeting them! (BONUS: The extra-long walk tired out Little Guy enough to knock him out for a 2-hour nap!)

Tuesday

This was they day that we went on a nature walk and made our terrariums. Both of these events had a little in store for me as well as Little Guy. The walk was great because the area is open enough and safe enough foe him to run wild without me having to reel him in closer to me. I had a chance to enjoy being outside and was able to take extra time to look closely at the trees, watch wildlife, and take photos. And, making the terrariums was a lot of fun, too. I was able to release some pent-up creativity while also doing a project with Little Guy. I did not have to go out of my way today to find a way to get some isolated "me time" in.

Wednesday

Just not a good day. No time for myself and no time for much of anything else. The only time I had to myself was when I headed into the bathroom and screamed into a towel. Hey - it was better than reliving the scene I made on New Year's Day and it helped me get through the rest of the day.

Little Guy was in an ornery mood and tried every way he could to get me to explode. Yes, he was really trying - after he would do something (like drop a toy car into his peed-in potty), he'd look at me to see if I'd notice. I am pretty sure he was just testing limits, but an entire day of his testing had me close to the edge. And I'm not kidding, it was as if he was brainstorming and testing - "If this didn't make mama yell, maybe this will..."

And hubby was no help at all. He came into the living room to give me a break. Little Guy decided to test him, too. Within 5 minutes, my husband decided he just couldn't take it anymore and hid in the bedroom. As he was scurrying away, he looked at me and said, "I just can't get him to listen to me and you won't make him do what I say!" I have a LOT to say about this, but not now. This post would turn into a HUGE rant and that's not what it's about.

And, yes, the oldest was in on "make mom lose her cool" day, too. It wasn't any one thing from him, just lots of little stuff. He dropped his school stuff in the middle of the kitchen floor and left it there - he knows where to put it and that's NOT the place. He stood in the kitchen, eating some candy someone gave him at school, making all of the "mmmm!" sounds - three feet away from Little Guy. When Little Guy asked for some, he popped the last piece in his mouth and told him it was all gone, tough luck. (Teasing drives me nuts, especially when someone his age is doing it. He should know better. But, I do know that whatever the disparity of their ages, sibling rivalry lives.) He complained about dinner not being done, but refused to keep an eye on his little brother so I could make it. Etc. Typical teen behavior that I can usually deal with calmly, but after the rest of the day, this was the cherry on top.

Thursday

This is the last day I'm keeping track of what I've done for myself. My oldest forgot to set his alarm clock, so he missed the bus to school. When Little Guy woke up, he snuck into our room and quietly put puzzles together with him while I SLEPT IN! Now, my oldest got into a little trouble because he knows that he was supposed to head downtown and jump on a city bus to go to school. He is also required to pay for his bus ride because he is the one responsible for setting the alarm. His excuse for not doing that was because he didn't want to spend the money. Boy, is he lucky he let Mom sleep until 11am!

Since he didn't do what he was supposed to regarding missing the bus, he became "Bidderman" (definition for a Bidderman is at the link, second from last paragraph. I highly recommend getting your own if you have a teen or tween.) for the day, which gave me time to do more baking and play around on the computer. I looked up some recipes for hulled barley and am really looking forward to making them. I also managed to create a grocery list and match up coupons to it without having Little Guy's "help", making the job last 10 minutes rather than an hour!

Everyday

• Meditation - Now, I've tried and tried to meditate and just couldn't. Too many thoughts running in and out of my head. Most started with, "Instead of this, I really should be doing..." Well, on Friday, I decided to give it a try again. I usually lay with Little Guy as he goes to sleep at night and watch an old movie or nature documentary with the sound off and closed captions on. I also list in my head all of the things I need to do. I decided to turn off the TV and just lay there, in the near-dark, thinking of... nothing. It took me some time to get all of those nagging thoughts out of my head. But, one-by-one, they flew out (through my ear?) I felt at peace. I floated on the bed. I was unconsciously smiling! Eventually, I got up and realized that I'd spent an entire hour, after Little Guy had passed out, just relaxing. I've done this every night since and I can't tell you how wonderful I feel. Some nights are harder than others to "find my bliss", but I'm getting the hang of it. It seems like my mind knows when that hour is up, too. So far, I haven't gone over or under it. 
• First cup of coffee by myself. 

I cannot believe the difference that taking a little time for myself has made in my mood and my responses to my family. Doing things for myself each day still makes me feel guilty, though. I keep thinking about what I should be doing instead. I think that I will eventually get over this little hiccup, though.

I want to take more time to be creative. I could have done so during some of the time I was given to do so, but I found out something: I can't think of what to do! Creating used to be so natural. I'd pick up a pencil and doodle a little something. Pretty soon, I had a page covered. Then, I was coloring it in. As I created, I'd get a great idea for painting or drawing a more permanent form of my doodle and off I'd go. Now, when I start to doodle, all I seem to draw are monster trucks and trains. I have a couple of items that I really want to make, but I'm just sitting here, waiting for some inspiration. I might have to give myself a jump start by forcing the issue at first...

I never did get around to doing my nails. Oh, well. There's always next week, right?

Grab the InLinkz code to add to your own Mindful Parenting Collaboration post!

Week 1: January 1-7, 2012 {#Mamatography}

Well, the first week of the new year is over. It started out kind of crazy, but it's ending pretty well.

I am so excited to be taking part in Mamatography, hosted by Luschka of Diary of a First Child) as a year-long project. I've been taking pictures like crazy all week, trying to decide which single photo represents each day the best for me. Looking back over all of them tonight was fun. I know that I'll love having them all compiled on December 31, 2012. I think I'm going to have them all put into a photo book. Why am I thinking so far ahead?! Heck, by this time next year, someone will probably have come up with something even better than a photo book for saving memories!

Royal Icing Candies

DAY 1 (1/1/12)

After a month-long baking frenzy, I had a container of royal icing left that I had no cookies to go with. So, I plopped it into a decorating bag, added a few stripes of food coloring down the insides of the bag, and piped these. I let them dry on the parchment overnight, then saved them in a glass jar with my decorating supplies. I figure they'll come in handy for sprucing up cakes, cookies, and cupcakes on days when I either don't feel like making a ton of different icing colors or when I just don't have the time.

My Mess

DAY 2 (1/2/12)

My huge mess. In the aftermath of the holidays, this is what I have left to deal with. I walked past this pile a million times today. Every pass I made, I thought, "Man, I really need to organize this crap!" It has everything: stuff to donate, clothes that need to be folded and put away, junk mail and partially-completed art projects. The dresser is topped with nothing but things that I've collected for crafting: cardboard boxes, oatmeal containers, newsprint... On, and that's a real pumpkin from Halloween. I've been meaning to roast, puree, and freeze it. I have a sneaking suspicion that, by the time I get around to it, the thing will have turned into a giant rattle!

Rastlin'

DAY 3 (1/3/12)

Today was my oldest's first day back to school after Christmas break. I took this picture about five minutes after he got home. These guys missed each other so much after hanging out with each other everyday for two weeks straight. They roughhoused for a good 45 minutes before they got sick of each other again. Just long enough for me to do the dishes and start dinner!

Painting Frenzy

DAY 4 (1/4/12)

This is the day that I completed the Melted Crayon Art project. You can see my painted cloud paper drying on the right. Little Guy absolutely adores his easel and paints on it everyday. Oh, and I highly recommend those Melissa and Doug paints he's using. They're nice and dark and last much longer than the usual watercolors you can pick up for a dollar.

WHa....?

DAY 5 (1/5/12)

(((CLICK!!!)))
"Say 'Cheese', Mama!"
I really need to get that kid his own camera. I've been drooling over those VTech Kidzoom digital cameras for him. Completely unnecessary and way out of our budget, though. Maybe someday...

Wacky Weather

DAY 6 (1/6/12)

January 6, 2012
Monroe, MI
High: 54 F
Low: 39 F
Little Guy found this dandelion while we were out for a walk. In January. In Southeast Michigan.

DAY 7 (1/7/12)

Shhh! I'm Hiding!

He was convinced that I couldn't see him because the cat's tail was hiding him. I remember thinking my mom couldn't see me if I couldn't see her. I also remember the exact moment that I realized this wasn't how it worked! I had just turned four. I wonder when Little Guy will figure it out?











So, what did your week look like? If you'd like to join me on this endeavor, just click on the Mamatography button at the top of this post to learn more. I'll be linking this post at Diary of a First Child's Week 1 Mamatography Linky when it's posted on Wednesday (1/11), so if you'd like to see more photos you should head over!

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 5: Take Care of YOU!

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Now, here's a topic that I can't stand to deal with. Yes, I know. This is one of those pieces of advice that everyone gives, yet no one seems to actually take. How in the world am I supposed to find time to do what I want when I have to take care of all of these people and make sure the house is clean, too?! Wanting to do my own thing just feels too... indulgent. Until recently.

You see, I've been becoming increasingly resentful toward my husband and sons. They constantly ask me for things, even expect them to be done, and I don't get much reciprocity in return. Christmas was the breaking point for me. I had so looked forward to the holiday. Planned lots of fun things to do, had high hopes for getting a chance to bake and craft, and wanted this to just be a great time of excitement for the kids. But it was all a struggle. Now, I'm not going to say I took on too much or expected too much from everyone. I asked my husband and oldest to PLEASE take turns hanging out with Little Guy for one hour a day so I could do my own thing, which was essentially to "make" Christmas for them. It worked for about a week, then they were too busy (watching TV, eating, and playing games on the computer) to help. "Why don't you just wait until he's taking a nap?" And the resentment wasn't just aimed at my ungrateful hubby and teen. Little Guy, who loved helping me in the kitchen just a few weeks earlier, decided that he was bored with it all and preferred to run like a heathen through the kitchen, grabbing everything he could reach and throwing down the stairs. So, yes, I was not too keen on his "help", either.

All of this resentment came to a head on New Year's Day. I woke up in a great mood. New year, new outlook, let's start fresh, blah, blah, blah... My oldest woke up and very snottily informed me that we were out of milk, as if it was MY fault and MY sole responsibility to get more. Little Guy, upon hearing of the milk situation, demanded warm milk and honey to drink. The demands became ear-piercing screams because my oldest (who is very lucky I didn't decide that my no-spanking policy was shit) was holding the empty milk jug in Little Guy's face, saying in a cheeky tone, "What's wrong with you? Are you STUPID? There IS no milk! Mom didn't get us any!" That's when hubby came out. "Will you guys keep it down? I can't hear the TV." He decided to go take a shower (which I hadn't gotten a chance to take in a week, by the way, because no one would hang out with Little Guy - he needs to be paid attention to while he's sleeping, too, because he tends to wake up and be very stealthy!)

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 

I AM SO GODDAMN SICK AND TIRED OF 

YOU PEOPLE BEING HELPLESS IDIOTS. 

OLDEST - GO TO THE F***ING STORE AND 

BUY SOME F***ING MILK!!! 

LITTLE GUY, JUST F***ING DEAL WITH 

THE FACT THAT THERE'S NO MILK. 

AND, HUBBY, IF EVEN ONE DROP OF WATER 

TOUCHES YOUR BODY BEFORE I GET A SHOWER,

YOU'LL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE -

WHICH WILL NOT BE VERY LONG!!!!!"

You could hear a pin drop. They all stared blankly at me. I pointed at my oldest and he RAN into the bedroom to change his clothes for his trip to the store. My husband jumped at the teen's movement and ran to pick up Little Guy. He got him some hot tea to satisfy him until the milk showed up. Little Guy did the best thing of the three of them: He ran over and gave me a big hug and said, "Sorry, Mama." I took my shower and felt 100% better... physically. I apologized to my family and they all looked at the floor guiltily. They "got" why I flipped out.

Now, I told you this because this could happen to you if you do not take time for yourself. You can become burned out, miserable, resentful, and may even begin to wonder if you really want to be "mommy" and "honey" to these people you live with. You slowly forget who you are, what you want out of life, what makes you happy. You're there to please others. Period.

So, this week, I suggest you try to remember who you were before hubby and the kids. What did you expect you'd be doing at your age? What kind of things do you enjoy doing? Do not make a list of things that you need/want to do around the house. It doesn't count. Make a dream list. Next, see if any of those things on your list could be modified to fit into your life right now. I expected to be an artist. While I have neither the money for supplies, nor the time to devote to this, I can take a little time each week to just create... Pinterest, here I come! Next, make yourself a list of realistic things you'd like for yourself. These could be as simple as "Take an hour-long bath." or "Give myself a pedicure." Nothing that takes a huge amount of time or money. Do one each day. Yes - each day.

Love on yourself. If it makes you feel guilty, think of it this way: You want to be a mindful parent, right? In order to be a mindful of others, you need to practice on yourself. I was angry at my family. Looking back to the weeks before my New Year's Day Fireworks, I was not treating my family mindfully. Heck, I was not treating them well at all. I did all the things I was supposed to do, but there was no smile on my face or love in my heart while I was doing them. I fought for every second of time to be able to do those things and, by the time I actually got that time, I was ticked off at my family.

This week, I will make sure to take time for me. Creatively, physically, and emotionally. In fact, I've already started tonight. But, I'll wait until next week to tell you about it!

I'd like to invite you to link any posts you have written on the topic of being mindful of yourself in the linky below. I'd love to hear your ideas and thoughts on this subject. I really need all the help I can get - I do not ever want to feel that way I did about the most important people in the world, nor do I want them to ever witness the explosion from me the way they did first thing in the morning on the first day of 2012!

Get Your Own CODE for This Linky

We're in This Together (Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 4: Partners in Parenting

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

I know I keep saying this, but this topic is a really tough one for me to write about.Way back in June, I wrote THIS POST about some of the problems I was encountering at the time. The fifth one is about some problems between my husband and myself. They've gotten better and then worse, back and forth, since then. Our relationship is a mess right now and it's not going to be an easy fix. Most people, if I were to give them the entire story, would have told me to get the hell out a long time ago. But, in my opinion, this is one of the problems with society today: If it's broke, throw it away and get a new one. Well, I won't throw out a broken vacuum cleaner without trying every possible way I can think of to fix it and I'm not going to do that with my marriage.

However, this "broken" relationship makes parenting as partners really tough. Over the past year or so, I've slowly taken over all aspects of the role of "parent". My husband has become the teenage roommate who happens to share our space. He is a fun companion for the kids... when he feels like spending some time with them. He doesn't regularly enforce rules, he allows Little Guy to manipulate him into giving him whatever he wants. This will go on for 10 minutes to an hour until my hubby just boils over and starts yelling and threatening to spank. Not cool with me at all. Especially after he's gotten the kid all wired up and made him think that he rules all. It literally goes from "Super Crazy Fun Time" to "I've Had it!!!" in seconds. There are lots more things I could while about on the subject, but I think you might get the idea.

I don't yell at my husband. I wait until they're asleep before I attempt to confront any situations from earlier that day that I think need discussing. The spanking issue is a hot button around here. He never spanked his older kids. It's one of the things that attracted me to the guy. But now, rather than actually working at figuring out why the behavior from Little Guy is defiant, he would rather just jump to threatening to hit him. His reason for thinking spanking this child is because, "... he's just like I was as a kid and I know how to handle a kid like that." Um... yeah. So spanking kept you from starting your "career" as a drug addict at 11 years old? Spanking kept you from burning down a neighbor's house 'just because' at 13? Spanking kept you from running away from home at 15? I can go on, but you get the picture here, too, right? Anyway, that's the biggest issue we have in the parenting arena.

There are others. I really would like him to be more consistent with the time he spends with the kids. One day, he'll hang out with the family all day long. Then, there might be an entire week where he's so wrapped up in himself that he won't even bother to look at the kids. I know some of this has to do with pain. I can be understanding when he hurts so badly that he just can't concentrate on the kids. But, I really think that most of it has to do with him not feeling like it.

So, I talk to him when the kids aren't awake. I explain my reasons for how I would like the kids raised. I listen to what he has to say. Our conversations don't (usually) get out of hand and to the bitching, nagging, or yelling stage. By the time we're done, he will usually agree that he needs to work more on being consistent, not giving in to puppy dog eyes and tantrums, being around on a regular basis, etc. We'll make a plan of action so he can ease into this more easily and so the kids can get used to the changes, too. It'll work for a week or so, then it becomes too much work and he goes back to the old way of "parenting".

This past week, I followed Erin's advice of what to work on in my relationship. I'm going to have to do this more often because I'm just not sure how it's going to work out over a long period of time. The first thing she asked that we do for the topic "Partners in Parenting" was figure out what your relationship needs most and work on that one thing. The next step was to take a day and put my partner first for the entire day. They both kind of backfired on me. I think that the change in me might have confused hubby some, so I'll keep this up and see if it doesn't get better.

I think that our relationship, as a married couple and not parents, is honesty. I don't lie to my husband, but I will withhold information if it makes me "right" and him "wrong". That's a deception, too. So, I flat out told him what I was up to. I explained that I think we both need to be 100% honest about our feelings, actions, thoughts... everything. Yes, it might sting a little to hear certain things from one another, but it's important to share them rather than bottle them up. And, we're in this together: this marriage, this parenting thing, this LIFE. We have to be able to trust one another above anyone else in the world! I told him that, rather than trying to find the lie in everything he says (I swear, he lies and doesn't even have a reason except to "see if I can get away with it"), I'm going to trust that he's being honest. I do it with my kids, why not him? Well, he's been lying like crazy about all kinds of stupid things since. I think he, just like a child, is testing to see if I'll fall back into second-guessing everything he says. To see if I'll still love him even if he lies. So, it's not been all that great. I hate being lied to - it makes me feel as if I am not valuable as a person to the one who's lying. I really hope his little testing phase will be over soon...

As for the putting your partner first for the entire day... Ha! He's suspicious. Asking if he'd like me to make him a snack rather than just leaving him to do it kind of freaked him out a little. Seeing that he was having computer problems, I offered to help. I usually let him deal on his own - that man can download 1,00 viruses in five minutes flat - because it always, always, always takes hours to fix his mistakes... and he always claims he wasn't doing anything but reading his Facebook news feed. I offered to help, then didn't get frustrated with him for screwing it up so badly, as I usually do. I asked him if he wanted a back rub when he complained about it hurting. Once he got used to the idea that I was trying to be nice and think of his needs, he started to take advantage... just like a child would. He was asking me to hand him the phone that was ringing and sitting 1 foot away from him. He asked me to do all kinds of silly little things that he didn't need help with just to see if I'd do them. It was really annoying and, when I was busy with Little Guy, I had to tell him to do it himself. But I did try to put him before myself. I can't do this everyday, but I will revisit this again, whenever I can. My theory is that he'll eventually stop taking advantage. Then, maybe he'll even reciprocate. That's how a marriage should be, right?

So, while there really is not conclusion to this topic for me right now, I will continue working at it. I think that, once we can get our relationship with each other going in the right direction, we can work on the parenting aspect. For now, I can accept being the parent. Oh, and my kids will never hear me bad-mouthing my husband. They will, however, hear and see me trying my best to treat him with respect. It's important, not only to them, but to our entire family.

The We Do Listen Foundation {#Giveaway (12/5) US & Can}

I've wanted to write up this post for over a week, but just couldn't find the time. Yeah, I could have done a quickie post... But I think The We Do Listen Foundation deserves more than that. This non-profit's mission is to help children learn to communicate their emotions effectively and find their own inner peace (how cool is that?!)

So, how do they do this? Check out the We Do Listen Foundation Web site. There, you will find FREE animated books, songs, posters and non-violent games. Additionally, the foundation sells nine Howard B. Wigglebottom books. The books are pretty darn great! Each one is focused on a subject that is important to children's personal growth, self-love, and general emotional well-being. Some of the topics covered in the books include: listening to what others have to say, bullying, anger management, divorce, peer pressure, and the need to belong. I received a book on the last subject for this review, and I love it!

My oldest was always pretty happy with himself. That is, until he decided to go to "real" school. The first month was pretty hard for him. His dad had cancer and was pretty sick at the time, so I attributed his quiet, withdrawn behavior to that. Then, I received a call from his teacher. It seems that he had started to make up unbelievable stories about himself - things he had done, toys he owned, people he knew, etc. - and the other kids knew that he was lying, the stories were just too amazing to be true. He wanted them to like him and thought this was the way to do it. After a long talk about listening to his own heart and being himself, then reassuring him that he would find friends who liked him just for who he really was, he managed to get past this huge speed bump. Within another month, he was one of the most popular kids in the class due to his empathetic nature (oh, and he was "totally cool" because he could draw neat pictures, too! LOL)

I really believe that the Howard B. Wigglebottom books, games, songs, and lesson plans would have prepared my oldest for his first taste of "I'm better than you because I _(fill in the blank)_" that seems to run rampant in classrooms.  In the book Howard B. Wigglebottom Listens to His Heart, written by Howard Binkow and illustrated by Susan F, Cornelison, Howard (a cute bunny who has the same feelings and makes the same mistakes that most children do) wants desperately to fit in. When his classmates laugh at him when they see him doing his very favorite thing, he vows to never do it again. Instead, he tries doing all sorts of other things that he thinks will make the other kids view him as being "cool".He screws them all up... miserably. He has a talk with his grandfather about the troubles he's having and, without telling him what to do, Grandpa steers Howard in the right direction. In the end, Howard is once again caught doing his favorite thing but, this time, he is cheered for it!

I am so glad to have this book for Little Guy. He's pretty self-confident right now, but you just never know when that confidence will crumble. It happened to my oldest! I've also been taking Little Guy to the Foundation's Web site to watch the animated versions of all of the Howard B. Wigglebottom books, play games, and learn new (catchy) songs. I've also taken some time to read over the lesson plans. There are some really great ideas in them! I think that, at three years old, it's the perfect time to introduce him to these concepts. Although I don't intend for Little Guy to go to school (he's 100% the unschooling type!), he'll still be around other children and need to be prepared for the inevitable.

I strongly urge you to go check out The We Do Listen Foundation's Web site and then head over to their online store. Right now, for U.S. buyers, all hardcover books are on sale for only $6 each (regularly $15)! And you can buy all 10 books for just $50. In addition to the Foundation's online store, you can find Howard B. Wigglebottom books nearly anywhere books are sold throughout the U.S. and Canada.

So, would you like to WIN your choice of a Howard B. Wigglebottom hardcover book for a special child in your life? Just enter in the Rafflecopter form below!

Forgive and Forget? {Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

First, if you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Once again, I'm way behind! This time, though, it's not been because I've been too busy. No, I've spent quite a bit of time just sitting here, staring at an empty screen. I just don't know what to wrote about forgiveness. It's a HUGE word with a ton of meaning.

There have been many instances in my life where I've had to forgive. I think that's true for everyone. No one goes through life with no one doing something to them - even if it's a tiny little thing. I've had some pretty big problems with people. Sometimes I've been embarrassed, other times I've been hurt. Sometime during my 20's I realized that forgiving those things is the best way to go. Stewing in anger or trying to figure out how to get back at someone only causes stress and an overall bad temperament. Even if you let the issue drop on the outside, but harbor bad feelings inside, it can eat you alive. Letting go is so freeing!

So, "forgive and forget" became my motto. It worked so very well for quite a while. I could easily forgive - even when someone did something mean and nasty on purpose. I just felt sorry for them. I mean, how terrible must one's life be that they feel they must make someone else miserable? But, I learned that the forget part isn't all that great. I've been burnt by the same person for the same reasons repeatedly. There's a line you just have to draw to protect yourself from further abuse.

This is where I have a problem. I look at forgiveness as completely dropping the whole incident. I can't put a relationship straight unless I can start anew with the person. Constantly being on guard against another wave of trouble hampers that relationship. I'm looking inside and trying to figure out how I can do this. It's not easy and I'd love anyone who has figured it out to PLEASE help me! (I'm not talking about silly little things. I can get over those. It's the big ones that rock my life, and sometimes mu family's, that I'm talking about here.)

Now, let's turn to me. I have worked hard to learn how to forgive myself for the stupid mistakes I've made. I used to just treat myself like crap because I didn't think I was good enough for the blessings I had. Then, I realized that those mistakes were important to create who I am now. First, I have learned from them. I know better to do the same stupid junk again. I think that, if I can say I've learned something, then the mistake was probably worth it. Next, I realized that you can't go back and change things. No matter how much guilt I laid upon myself, I could never, ever change the things that happened. If I can't change it, I have to let it go. Guilt can make one feel the way I did - worthless and undeserving. Finally, there are a couple of things that I won't let me forgive myself for. Yep - I said it. I'm not going to tell you what they are, but they're not pretty. I'm waiting patiently until I can right those wrongs. Until then, I just cannot let these go. I will try to fix them, or at least do my best to do so. But until that time arrives, they'll stay in my heart.

I also want to tell you that I think that showing forgiveness is the best way to teach my children how to do the same. I don't want them growing up and carrying guilt around. We talk about hypothetical situations in which their decisions could hurt or help someone. We talk about things that have happened to them that are causing sadness and anger, then we figure out how to forgive. When I make a mistake, I admit it to them. I'm not to pompous and stubborn to make them believe that I'm perfect. Showing them that I'm sorry (not just saying it!) helps them let go and forgive me for screwing up.

Lastly, I need to share the whole "I'm Sorry" thing. I don't make my kids apologize for things. They do it on their own. In this house, "I'm sorry" means "I screwed up and learned from it. I will try my best not to make the same mistake again." I think that children who are forced to apologize without really knowing why and then let off the hook learn that those two magic words erase all wrongdoing. The problem is they don't learn the part about not doing it again. I was raised this way and so was my husband. I learned the difference. He is still learning. When he says "I'm sorry" to me, it is just words. I tell him so. I remind him that he has to show me he's sorry because the words aren't an eraser.

If you've written a post on forgiveness, please add it here. It does not have to be a new post. This is a collaboration and all aspects are welcome. We can learn from each other and help one another on this journey toward more mindful parenting!

If you'd like to add this linky to your own post(s), click HERE to grab the HTML.

Michigan Spinning Company - Review and Extra (Easy) Entry {#MadeInMichigan}

This is a review for one of my sponsors of the Made in Michigan Blog Giveaway Hop, which will take place from October 28 – November 2. I will be offering my readers the chance to win a (Hand)Made in Michigan prize package worth nearly $200! Please take a moment to read about this wonderful Etsy shop and then fill out the Rafflecopter form below for a very easy extra entry into the giveaway.



We all wear clothes, right? (Well, most of us - Little Guy has decided to venture into nudist territory lately.) Did you even consider the fact that everything we wear - from wool to cotton to synthetics all start with spinning fibers together to create a thread or yarn, which is then woven into some kind of fabric and put together into clothing. Now, consider how long people have been doing this. These are the kind of thoughts that are akin to contemplating how insignificant one is, while laying on a hill and looking at stars on a warm summer night. The thoughts that come rushing in can be mind-boggling. Well, at least, that's how it's been for me for the past two hours.

Debra, owner of Michigan Spinning Company on Etsy, sent me a handmade (in Michigan!) Maple & Birch Top Whorl Drop Spindle and some beautifully hand-dyed Shetland Wool Roving (also from Michigan!) to try out. Now, the closest I've ever gotten to working with roving was when I was about 10 years old and visited Greenfield Village. One of the displays had a basket of freshly-washed wool, some carding supplies, and a giant spinning wheel all ready for inexperienced visitors to try out. I think I made the biggest ball of fuzz on a string in the history of humans spinning!

So, you can imagine my apprehension when I opened the package from Michigan Spinning Company and had the weird spindle thingy in one hand and a giant roll of loosely-braided roving in the other. How in the world can I use this stick with a circle and hook on it to turn this fluffy stuff into something I can knit with?! Then I calmed myself by remembering that someone, a very, very, very long time ago, figured out hoe to do this without the benefits of having the roving and spindle delivered by USPS and the Internet with Google and YouTube videos! Now, I don't have sound on my computer, but just watching a few of these videos and the various techniques people use made it possible for me to feel confident enough to get started. And, you know what? I MADE YARN! Really!!! All by myself - for TWO hours. Debra warned me that it was addictive, but I really had no idea it would be such a great feeling. Oh, and meditative, too. For those two hours, I was able to just stare at the spinning spindle and contemplate all those ideas I mentioned above.

Now, I have to share Michigan Spinning Company's Mission Statement because they've succeeded 100% by simply sending me these things to review.

"Michigan Spinning Company is dedicated to promoting and preserving Fiber Art Traditions, including but not limited to, the art of natural fiber processing, hand dyeing, handspinning, knitting and weaving. We have a hands-on approach to learning and eagerly share our experience and enthusiasm for the Fiber Arts through informal informational videos, audio/video podcasting, newsletters, and participation in local Fiber Festivals and Events. We believe in the importance of introducing young people to the Fiber Arts, educating them in the traditions of earlier generations, fostering their love and appreciation for things handmade, and encouraging them to pass on their acquired knowledge and enthusiasm to future generations."

Did you take note of the mention of "young people" and "future generations"? My kids will be learning how to do this, too! My oldest has the most agile fingers and I just know he's do well with it. And, even at three, Little Guy could do this. Just think of the education and pride they'll get out of learning this. And, as kids who've been taught to ask questions, I know that we'll probably end up heading to the library to learn more about different fibers used for clothing, the science behind spinning, how clothes are made... the possibilities are endless!

You can find Michigan Spinning on Etsy, Facebook, and Twitter. You can also follow on their Blog!
Disclosure: I received one Drop Spindle and +/- 6 oz. Wool Roving from Michigan Spinning for the purpose of this review. I have received no other form of compensation. All opinions are 100% my own.

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 1: Inner Work {#MindParColl}

First, if you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE. 

This week, we will be working on ourselves. What? I thought this was supposed to be about how I interact with my kids! Yes, it is about our parenting, but we need to figure out just who we are and where we’d like to be before we can consider our parenting practices. Just jumping in to change how we parent would be akin to working a customer service job – all fake smiles and a cheery façade without truly showing how we feel. Kids aren’t easily fooled by this – they know when words and actions come from the heart and when they seem to be scripted. Moreover, that customer service job only lasts so many hours a day. You have downtime from it. You can call in sick. Heck – you can even quit. Not so with parenting! Therefore, it is important to start with ourselves in this search to figure out what kind of parents we want to be.

The first step is to lay the groundwork for mindful parenting by doing some personal inner work. There are many way one can go about this. There are so many possibilities here. You could try meditating, yoga, and/or working on your spirituality. Maybe even get out a giant imaginary eraser and start at square one by considering the blame you place on yourself and others and then begin forgiving. You want to be calm and at peace with yourself and others before you try to be a calm and peaceful parent.

One of the more straightforward tasks you may want to consider is creating a Personal Mission Statement. Head over to The Parenting Passageway’s first post for a very good list of questions to get you going. Don’t view this as “homework”, but more as a way to get in touch with you. I can tell you that it has been years since I really knew who "I" was and what kind of person I want to be. Periodically taking time to rediscover myself has seemed like a selfish venture when there were so many more important duties on my plate as a wife and mother. But, when we are confused in or unhappy with our own lives, how can we care for our loved ones? Now, creating your own mission statement is something that you should plan to take a little time doing. Check out this article by Stephen Covey about writing mission statements (I know it says “Business” at the top, but keep reading – I promise it gets personal fairly quickly!)

You may also want to check out Hybrid Rasta Mama’s first post to the Mindful Mothering Challenge to explore how she planned to go about this topic of inner work. Whatever you choose to do, you should make a commitment to work on it every day for a pre-determined amount of time - even 10 minutes per day can be enough to get the wheels turning in your head!

MY PLAN:

I need to make time to explore myself, first off. I think that since lying with little guy when he goes to bed and down for a nap are kind of black holes in my days. Yeah, we do some talking, but then he rolls over and listens to his John Lennon or Yellow Submarine CD's (for the gazillionth time) and I end up staring at the ceiling. I could be trying a little meditation here. I could be asking myself some of The Parenting Passageway’s questions – one at a time – and really exploring the answers. I get two 30-minute periods a day, on average, to do this. Once he’s asleep and I stealthily sneak away, I could write down some of the thoughts I’ve had in a journal. By the end of the week, I should have a pretty good idea about where I want to go and who I am. My collection of journal writings could easily be transformed into a kind of personal mission statement. I also think this could become a great habit that will allow me to continually reconsider my thoughts and ideas.

My goal is to have a personal mission statement written that I am 100% comfortable with by next Friday!

If you would like to join us in The Mindful Parenting Collaboration, please link up any posts that you may write introducing the concept. If you have done this in the past as the Mindful Mothering Challenge, or any other name, please link up your old post that corresponds with this subject. We’d also appreciate any posts that deal with inner work and creating personal mission statements. We also invite you to grab the linky code by clicking on “Get the InLinkz Code” at the bottom of the post and adding it to your own post.

get the InLinkz code