OH, What a Day It's Been!

Yesterday was a blissful day filled with peace. When Little Guy awoke, he sat up, stretched, and said, "A new day!" Made me smile to hear him say that because when I wake up, I usually say it to myself, in my mind. He must have made up his mind then and there to try his hardest to be "nice" to everyone. (We use "nice", "mean", "happy", etc. to describe how we're feeling and acting around here - I avoid "good" and "bad" as much a possible.) He was nice! He didn't whine or cry a split second after he realized we weren't going to do things his way. Instead, he would say, "Stop, stop, stop! I have to talk now. I want ____ because ___." And, we listened. Sometimes, he ended up getting what he wanted, other times we were able to explain calmly and rationally why he couldn't have what he wanted. He'd be sad or angry for a minute or two (and he told us this), so we'd try to help him cope with those feelings. Then, we'd move on.

There was no yelling, throwing toys, hitting, or deliberately doing the exact opposite of what we asked or what he knew to be one of our steadfast rules.All of those are things that usually occur on a daily, and sometimes hourly, basis around here. When I suggested that he might like to lay down to rest, he hopped into bed. At dinnertime, he told me how yummy the bread was. He kept his toys cleaned up without me even asking him. When he laid down in bed that night - ON HIS OWN - to go to sleep, I started to wonder what happened to my kid. Did he switch personalities with some other kid? Were there parents somewhere wondering why their normally easy-going and docile child had acted like a little nut all day?

Then today happened and I know that he didn't have a major shift in personalities. I woke up when he jabbed my closed eyes with his fingers. Before I could even sit up, he was jumping on the bed and demanding that I make him some tea, "NOW, MAMA!" Well, at least I knew better than to count on yesterday's behavior coming back again today, right?

But, you see, today has been quite awful and has put me to the test. I think that all of the orneriness that he didn't release yesterday built up and just popped a cork. It came pouring out today. Now, usually he drinks his tea and I drink my coffee first thing in the morning while we talk about our plans for the day. I'll make a list of what needs to be done and he'll come up with the fun ideas. My stuff consists of cleaning and cooking, his has things like "Do a project with paint" and "Go to the library". Well, today's list was a little different. His plans went like this:

• I not goin' to listen to anybody
• I goin' to make a mess
• I not clean my toys
• I throw cars
• I goin' to be loud
• I throw my food on floor and smash it
• I goin' to head-bup [head-butt] and bite Brubber

It goes on and on - he pretty much listed everything that he could possibly think of that we do not like him doing.I diligently wrote his list out for him and then we went over it and I asked him why he wanted to do each thing. We really couldn't come up with answers. I thought maybe he'd had a bad dream and woke up angry or upset, but his dreams sounded like good ones to me.

Now, one of the things about our lists is we get to cross things off as we do them. And I really didn't know what to do with this list he had made. We weren't going to keep it! I asked him if maybe we could make a new list of fun things to do and he agreed. So we got rid of the old one and made a more normal list. Well, I might have thrown out the written list, but he had it in his head and crossed out every one of his plans before lunch. He's finally taking a nap and I am hoping he'll wake up in a much better mood. I don't know if I can stand an entire evening with this mess. Evenings are usually his worst behavioral times anyway, so I'm pretty creeped out by the thoughts of his determination to be a monster boy added to an already nasty time of the day...

I can't help but wonder if he's conducting an experiment. Maybe he's planned it all out: One day be nice, the next day be mean. Maybe he'll be an amazingly happy kid tomorrow? I can't see it happening in a child so young, but he's never been typical in his thinking. Only time will tell...

And, when he wakes from his nap, I'm filling him up with some chamomile and peppermint tea. It's worth a try to get him relaxed right away!

Making Time for Me {Mindful Parenting Collaboration #5}

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

My post last week threw some readers for a loop. I received some private correspondence via my contact form that went from someone telling me what a terrible person I am all the way to someone sharing a story very close to mine that occurred on New Year's Day, too. I received reprimands, congratulations, and pats on the back. I know that what I told you about my lovely explosive reaction to being out of milk was pretty extreme. It was the result of self-neglect and holding everything in for a very long time. Just like the bottles of champagne that many people had shaken up just before midnight the night before, I blew my cork.

I am not proud of what happened. I probably would have not shared it here if the topic had been anything else! I apologized to my family. I felt guilty about my outburst for days. I even had nightmares about it. It took me a while to realize the root of the problem. I shared the experience here because I wanted you to know what could happen when we don't take care of ourselves as individuals. Taking care of our families is important, but we really can't be the best parent or partner if we neglect ourselves.

Below, I've shared some of the things I did over the past week to take care of myself, both mentally and physically.

Friday

Just after dinner, I left the dirty dishes in the sink. I told hubby that he was in charge of Little Guy - I was taking a bath. Soaked for an hour AND read a magazine. Actually shaved! THEN, took a shower, too. OMG! It felt so good to have that time to myself. I don't think it was the shower so much as the quiet and space to think. Yes, it felt over-indulgent, but the little bit of guilt was worth it.

Saturday

I won a $25 Gift Card to Sears recently. I had planned on using it to buy something we needed: a new toaster, for instance. Then I realized that I could use it at K Mart, too. You know what I did? I spent most of it on myself! I literally haven't had new underwear since BEFORE I got pregnant with Little Guy. Every pair O owned was either full of holes, stretched out, or totally unraveling. I bought 6 new pairs! (Came home and relegated the old ones to the rag pile!) I also got myself a new razor - the one I used last night was rusty and dull. I bought two brand new washcloths for just me. They're bright pink so no one forgets! I'm tired of hubby and oldest using a new washcloth every time they wash some part of their body, leaving me none. I bought a bottle of nail polish, too. This is another thing I haven't had since before I got preggo. I plan to use it, too! Oh, and I got an address book and a planner for my blog.  I really wanted a separate address book to keep track of my invisible friends in the computer. And, though I have a wall calendar where I keep track of my blogging, I really wanted a small book-type planner that I could carry around with me to keep ideas and plans as they come to me - lest I forget.

I did but some household stuff, too. Mainly toilet paper and cat food - things we always need. This, too, felt indulgent. I was very close to pulling my cart out of the check-out lane to put most of it back and get that toaster and maybe a family game, but then it was my turn to pay. I'm so glad I bought the stuff. I can't tell you how nice it feels to know I have pretty undies on! And I can't wait to give myself a mani/pedi.

Sunday

Didn't do much of anything specifically for myself, although I did use all of nap time to write blog posts and I spent a few hours after he went to bed reading and commenting on others' blog posts and entering giveaways.

Monday

My husband and oldest took Little Guy out for an "explorer adventure" in the woods. They had planned to be gone for just an hour or so. They ended up gone for 2 1/2 hours! I took the time to wash the dishes (without a 3 y.o.'s "help") and do some baking. I even got to wear headphones and listen to music because I didn't have to keep an ear open to listen for crashes or the eerie silence of sneakiness. And, when they got home, there were freshly baked cookies greeting them! (BONUS: The extra-long walk tired out Little Guy enough to knock him out for a 2-hour nap!)

Tuesday

This was they day that we went on a nature walk and made our terrariums. Both of these events had a little in store for me as well as Little Guy. The walk was great because the area is open enough and safe enough foe him to run wild without me having to reel him in closer to me. I had a chance to enjoy being outside and was able to take extra time to look closely at the trees, watch wildlife, and take photos. And, making the terrariums was a lot of fun, too. I was able to release some pent-up creativity while also doing a project with Little Guy. I did not have to go out of my way today to find a way to get some isolated "me time" in.

Wednesday

Just not a good day. No time for myself and no time for much of anything else. The only time I had to myself was when I headed into the bathroom and screamed into a towel. Hey - it was better than reliving the scene I made on New Year's Day and it helped me get through the rest of the day.

Little Guy was in an ornery mood and tried every way he could to get me to explode. Yes, he was really trying - after he would do something (like drop a toy car into his peed-in potty), he'd look at me to see if I'd notice. I am pretty sure he was just testing limits, but an entire day of his testing had me close to the edge. And I'm not kidding, it was as if he was brainstorming and testing - "If this didn't make mama yell, maybe this will..."

And hubby was no help at all. He came into the living room to give me a break. Little Guy decided to test him, too. Within 5 minutes, my husband decided he just couldn't take it anymore and hid in the bedroom. As he was scurrying away, he looked at me and said, "I just can't get him to listen to me and you won't make him do what I say!" I have a LOT to say about this, but not now. This post would turn into a HUGE rant and that's not what it's about.

And, yes, the oldest was in on "make mom lose her cool" day, too. It wasn't any one thing from him, just lots of little stuff. He dropped his school stuff in the middle of the kitchen floor and left it there - he knows where to put it and that's NOT the place. He stood in the kitchen, eating some candy someone gave him at school, making all of the "mmmm!" sounds - three feet away from Little Guy. When Little Guy asked for some, he popped the last piece in his mouth and told him it was all gone, tough luck. (Teasing drives me nuts, especially when someone his age is doing it. He should know better. But, I do know that whatever the disparity of their ages, sibling rivalry lives.) He complained about dinner not being done, but refused to keep an eye on his little brother so I could make it. Etc. Typical teen behavior that I can usually deal with calmly, but after the rest of the day, this was the cherry on top.

Thursday

This is the last day I'm keeping track of what I've done for myself. My oldest forgot to set his alarm clock, so he missed the bus to school. When Little Guy woke up, he snuck into our room and quietly put puzzles together with him while I SLEPT IN! Now, my oldest got into a little trouble because he knows that he was supposed to head downtown and jump on a city bus to go to school. He is also required to pay for his bus ride because he is the one responsible for setting the alarm. His excuse for not doing that was because he didn't want to spend the money. Boy, is he lucky he let Mom sleep until 11am!

Since he didn't do what he was supposed to regarding missing the bus, he became "Bidderman" (definition for a Bidderman is at the link, second from last paragraph. I highly recommend getting your own if you have a teen or tween.) for the day, which gave me time to do more baking and play around on the computer. I looked up some recipes for hulled barley and am really looking forward to making them. I also managed to create a grocery list and match up coupons to it without having Little Guy's "help", making the job last 10 minutes rather than an hour!

Everyday

• Meditation - Now, I've tried and tried to meditate and just couldn't. Too many thoughts running in and out of my head. Most started with, "Instead of this, I really should be doing..." Well, on Friday, I decided to give it a try again. I usually lay with Little Guy as he goes to sleep at night and watch an old movie or nature documentary with the sound off and closed captions on. I also list in my head all of the things I need to do. I decided to turn off the TV and just lay there, in the near-dark, thinking of... nothing. It took me some time to get all of those nagging thoughts out of my head. But, one-by-one, they flew out (through my ear?) I felt at peace. I floated on the bed. I was unconsciously smiling! Eventually, I got up and realized that I'd spent an entire hour, after Little Guy had passed out, just relaxing. I've done this every night since and I can't tell you how wonderful I feel. Some nights are harder than others to "find my bliss", but I'm getting the hang of it. It seems like my mind knows when that hour is up, too. So far, I haven't gone over or under it. 
• First cup of coffee by myself. 

I cannot believe the difference that taking a little time for myself has made in my mood and my responses to my family. Doing things for myself each day still makes me feel guilty, though. I keep thinking about what I should be doing instead. I think that I will eventually get over this little hiccup, though.

I want to take more time to be creative. I could have done so during some of the time I was given to do so, but I found out something: I can't think of what to do! Creating used to be so natural. I'd pick up a pencil and doodle a little something. Pretty soon, I had a page covered. Then, I was coloring it in. As I created, I'd get a great idea for painting or drawing a more permanent form of my doodle and off I'd go. Now, when I start to doodle, all I seem to draw are monster trucks and trains. I have a couple of items that I really want to make, but I'm just sitting here, waiting for some inspiration. I might have to give myself a jump start by forcing the issue at first...

I never did get around to doing my nails. Oh, well. There's always next week, right?

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(Trying to Be) Creative with the Camera {Wordless Wednesday}

Rainbow Sunset

Shadows in the Stairwell

Pointillism?

OK - not "camera-creative", but creative just the same. We made these bookmarks with THIS PIN as inspiration.

River of Sticks - These must have been left over from the flooding we had a few months back. The dark area is made up of a 4-inch-thick bed of twigs, dead grass, and seed pods. All of the grass & sticks were pointing in the same direction. Well, either the flooding or miniature aliens...

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 5: Take Care of YOU!

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Now, here's a topic that I can't stand to deal with. Yes, I know. This is one of those pieces of advice that everyone gives, yet no one seems to actually take. How in the world am I supposed to find time to do what I want when I have to take care of all of these people and make sure the house is clean, too?! Wanting to do my own thing just feels too... indulgent. Until recently.

You see, I've been becoming increasingly resentful toward my husband and sons. They constantly ask me for things, even expect them to be done, and I don't get much reciprocity in return. Christmas was the breaking point for me. I had so looked forward to the holiday. Planned lots of fun things to do, had high hopes for getting a chance to bake and craft, and wanted this to just be a great time of excitement for the kids. But it was all a struggle. Now, I'm not going to say I took on too much or expected too much from everyone. I asked my husband and oldest to PLEASE take turns hanging out with Little Guy for one hour a day so I could do my own thing, which was essentially to "make" Christmas for them. It worked for about a week, then they were too busy (watching TV, eating, and playing games on the computer) to help. "Why don't you just wait until he's taking a nap?" And the resentment wasn't just aimed at my ungrateful hubby and teen. Little Guy, who loved helping me in the kitchen just a few weeks earlier, decided that he was bored with it all and preferred to run like a heathen through the kitchen, grabbing everything he could reach and throwing down the stairs. So, yes, I was not too keen on his "help", either.

All of this resentment came to a head on New Year's Day. I woke up in a great mood. New year, new outlook, let's start fresh, blah, blah, blah... My oldest woke up and very snottily informed me that we were out of milk, as if it was MY fault and MY sole responsibility to get more. Little Guy, upon hearing of the milk situation, demanded warm milk and honey to drink. The demands became ear-piercing screams because my oldest (who is very lucky I didn't decide that my no-spanking policy was shit) was holding the empty milk jug in Little Guy's face, saying in a cheeky tone, "What's wrong with you? Are you STUPID? There IS no milk! Mom didn't get us any!" That's when hubby came out. "Will you guys keep it down? I can't hear the TV." He decided to go take a shower (which I hadn't gotten a chance to take in a week, by the way, because no one would hang out with Little Guy - he needs to be paid attention to while he's sleeping, too, because he tends to wake up and be very stealthy!)

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 

I AM SO GODDAMN SICK AND TIRED OF 

YOU PEOPLE BEING HELPLESS IDIOTS. 

OLDEST - GO TO THE F***ING STORE AND 

BUY SOME F***ING MILK!!! 

LITTLE GUY, JUST F***ING DEAL WITH 

THE FACT THAT THERE'S NO MILK. 

AND, HUBBY, IF EVEN ONE DROP OF WATER 

TOUCHES YOUR BODY BEFORE I GET A SHOWER,

YOU'LL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE -

WHICH WILL NOT BE VERY LONG!!!!!"

You could hear a pin drop. They all stared blankly at me. I pointed at my oldest and he RAN into the bedroom to change his clothes for his trip to the store. My husband jumped at the teen's movement and ran to pick up Little Guy. He got him some hot tea to satisfy him until the milk showed up. Little Guy did the best thing of the three of them: He ran over and gave me a big hug and said, "Sorry, Mama." I took my shower and felt 100% better... physically. I apologized to my family and they all looked at the floor guiltily. They "got" why I flipped out.

Now, I told you this because this could happen to you if you do not take time for yourself. You can become burned out, miserable, resentful, and may even begin to wonder if you really want to be "mommy" and "honey" to these people you live with. You slowly forget who you are, what you want out of life, what makes you happy. You're there to please others. Period.

So, this week, I suggest you try to remember who you were before hubby and the kids. What did you expect you'd be doing at your age? What kind of things do you enjoy doing? Do not make a list of things that you need/want to do around the house. It doesn't count. Make a dream list. Next, see if any of those things on your list could be modified to fit into your life right now. I expected to be an artist. While I have neither the money for supplies, nor the time to devote to this, I can take a little time each week to just create... Pinterest, here I come! Next, make yourself a list of realistic things you'd like for yourself. These could be as simple as "Take an hour-long bath." or "Give myself a pedicure." Nothing that takes a huge amount of time or money. Do one each day. Yes - each day.

Love on yourself. If it makes you feel guilty, think of it this way: You want to be a mindful parent, right? In order to be a mindful of others, you need to practice on yourself. I was angry at my family. Looking back to the weeks before my New Year's Day Fireworks, I was not treating my family mindfully. Heck, I was not treating them well at all. I did all the things I was supposed to do, but there was no smile on my face or love in my heart while I was doing them. I fought for every second of time to be able to do those things and, by the time I actually got that time, I was ticked off at my family.

This week, I will make sure to take time for me. Creatively, physically, and emotionally. In fact, I've already started tonight. But, I'll wait until next week to tell you about it!

I'd like to invite you to link any posts you have written on the topic of being mindful of yourself in the linky below. I'd love to hear your ideas and thoughts on this subject. I really need all the help I can get - I do not ever want to feel that way I did about the most important people in the world, nor do I want them to ever witness the explosion from me the way they did first thing in the morning on the first day of 2012!

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I Don't Do New Year's Resolutions

This time of year, I see tons of posts, news articles, and commercials that all revolve around New Year's Resolutions. I don't play into that one. For me, creating a list of things that I resolve to do to change myself is just a set-up for failure. Yes, there are ways to make it easier, such as creating large goals and then listing small goals that work as stepping stones toward the main thing you want to change. But, with me, if I miss out on a deadline for one of those goals - large or small - I tend to give up.

That doesn't mean that I let January 1st go by just like every other day on the calendar. Instead, I like to think of the new year as a clean slate. Right now, I am working hard to get my home in order. The place is a mess. If you've been reading this blog for a while, you'll know that my husband likes finding stuff that people throw out that is still usable. Now, I have absolutely no problem using others' trash. BUT, when he keeps bringing home stuff that we really have no use for, it's not OK. Every inch of storage space we have is filled with things like extra sheets, sets of flatware, brand new & still wrapped VHS tapes (we don't even have a VCR!), small bookshelves... he even has a crib mattress in a closet - we co-sleep!

He's not the only one with a problem. I save jars, cardboard boxes, plastic containers, etc. These are things that I just know will be useful for crafting, gift-giving, or just plain reusing. But do I really need 10 empty spaghetti sauce jars? Or a stack of the fronts of pasts boxes (they have those little windows and I plan , someday, create picture frames from them)? I managed to clean out about 1/3 of these items over the holiday as packaging for gifts, but that barely touched on what needs to be done.

I want to mark the new year with a little more space in our home. I don't want to have to look for a place to put things that won't cause an avalanche of junk to cascade onto the floor. I also want to be able to clean more effectively. I haven't cleaned the entire kitchen floor in one session since I went into nesting mode when I was pregnant with little guy. I can't right now - I have to move boxes of books and paperwork from point A to point B to clean under them, wait for it to dry, then move them back. By that time, something else needs to be done, like make dinner or put Little Guy down for a nap. So, the next few days are all about purging and scrubbing.

I'm also trying to spend more time with Little Guy. He's been a real nightmare to be around lately. I'm really hoping that some serious one-on-one time in which we work together to complete a project will help get us back in tune with one another. He's also been trying to teach himself how to read, so we need to spend more time reading books with simple words together. I'm not waiting until January 1st to turn over a new parenting leaf, though. Spending quality time with my kid shouldn't be something that I need to have a goal set to motivate me into doing. I do, however, want to start that new calendar with new priorities, especially one that is as important as spending time with my kids.

So, in a year's time, I won't be posting about all of the resolutions that I've failed to keep. I do hope to be posting about the latest adventure that I had with my kids or the most recent piece of uselessness that I managed to donate to charity.



Do you do resolutions? Why or why not?

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 4: Partners in Parenting

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

The relationship between a child's parents can have a huge effect on that child's emotional stability. Whether you are married, living together, separated, or divorced - it is important that your children see a good, healthy unity between parents. When I was 7, my parents divorced. It wasn't pretty, to say the least. In fact, I have blocked many of the memories of that time in my life. My parents couldn't stand each other. They made sure that I, and my siblings, knew it.  I remember becoming physically ill when I was going from my mom's to my dad's and back again. We were put into positions where we felt we had to be loyal to both parents at the same time. In fact, when I was 12, I had my first full-on migraine. I had to choose between living with my mom and living with my dad. It was horrible: I couldn't move - heck, breathing was torture - for a full two days. Growing up with feuding parents has had a negative effect on my adult relationships. it took me a very long time to figure out how to conduct myself!

So, this week's topic is "Partners in Parenting" and I really believe that this is an important one to consider. Head over to it's OK to see what Erin has written about this topic. She gives some great examples of things that you can focus on to help make your relationship more mindful. Then, check back here on Friday (I promise I'll try to get this done on time!) and see how I managed to work on my relationship!

Positively Negative... Until Now. {Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Remember when I vowed to make sure I posted on this every Friday? Well, I didn’t plan on Thanksgiving to give me such a feeling of blah. I just didn’t have the motivation to write. I’ve posted some giveaways and a couple of other things, but it’s not like I was writing something spectacular, you know?

And other thing: I’ve really been procrastinating on this particular post. As I wrote in the intro post to the third topic, Being Positive, I gave a ton of reasons that explain why it is important to be a positive parent. I believe them all to be true. I don’t think that the occasional negative attitude will screw up my kids’ well-being for life. But, looking up, rather than down, most of the time is best. That said, I must confess that I have a very hard time being positive. I haven’t always been this way. The more I saw promises go unfulfilled, the more lies I was told, the more I built something up only to watch it crumble before my eyes… Well, it hurt more each time it happened.

Even the little things started to get to me. Things like planning a family picnic. I’d tell my husband that I’d like to go on a picnic next Saturday. Throughout the week, I’d remind him. We’d talk about bringing some games, should we pack a meal or bring a bunch of sacks, would we bring a blanket to sit on or can we sit at picnic tables, etc. Toward the end of the week, I’d start mentioning that I’d like to leave at a certain time. On the day of the picnic, hubby would inevitably wake up with a headache or some other ailment. So, staying positive, I’d try to get things together by myself: make and pack food, get all of the kids’ supplies together, get the kids dressed, get myself ready… All while trying to keep an eye on a very wily toddler! The entire time, I’d be positive, “Oh, this extra rest will help him feel better!” Thirty minutes before it was time to leave, I’d go see how hubby was feeling. He’d get up and ever-so-slowly start to get ready. An hour later, he’d still be screwing around, doing a million things that he doesn’t need to do that suddenly become important NOW. The kids would start to get restless, fight with each other, get hungry… I’d finally just tell hubby he could stay home. He’d act disappointed, but agree that I should just take the kids by myself… again. The whole picnic would end up being a disaster. I’d be grouchy from the entire thing with my husband. The kids would still be tired and hungry. Little Guy would hit “I can’t hear a word you say to me” mode. I’d end up yelling, we’d leave the park much sooner that expected, I’d get home and just be so disappointed in everything.

So, I taught myself to think of all of the bad things that could happen. I’d make myself believe that they’d all occur. I figured that, that way, when something went right, it’s be a bonus! Suddenly, I was thinking negatively about everything. I became a helicopter mama – Little Guy could fall off the playground steps and crack his head open. Someone might see my oldest walking to his friend’s house and kidnap him. Every little thing had me freaking out. It wasn’t fun.

My oldest snapped me out of it. One day he had been invited to go with a friend to one of those splash mountain water park places. He came home, excited, and told me all about it and how much fun he’d have. Then he started adding little things like, “I hope their car doesn’t break down this week so we can’t go.” And, “I wonder if their floors are slippery? I don’t want to fall and get hurt.” There were more of these comments until he had talked himself into believing that something was going to happen between now and the date of the trip that would prevent it from happening. He comforted himself from the disappointment by deciding that it would probably be better if he didn’t go because it could end up being dangerous both driving there and at the water park. Isn’t it interesting how our children show us the real reflection in the mirror?

I knew I had to stop the negativity. I knew, but it was hard to do. I can’t stop myself from feeling crushed when my hope is trampled. I still haven’ figured out how to do this. I have learned to not be expectant of anything – in either a positive or a negative way. When I plan a picnic, I just plan. I don’t expect it to be good or bad, I just expect that we’ll have a picnic. It’s not as fun as getting excited about it and anticipating the joy we’ll have together. I’d love to be positive all of the time – LOVE IT. However, I am not ready for it.

Right now, I think that passively planning for things is best for me. I know I can’t expect everything to go wrong all of the time. I also know that I cannot take the emotional roller coaster that excitement and disappointment will bring. I am working on being positive, though, in small steps. This holiday season, for instance, I have decided to try to be positive. I made an Advent calendar and included little activities to do for each of the 24 days. They are little holiday activities that run the gamut from easy, five-minute crafts to spending a few hours at a museum. Rather than thinking of all that could go wrong or thinking of nothing at all while I plan, I am going to try to let myself get excited about our daily activities. I think that the trick, for me, is to not put any real expectations into the excitement. In other words, I will try my best not to envision us, as a family, walking hand-in-hand through the museum – with the kids cooperating with each other, Little Guy following all of the rules without my having to remind him, Hubby chatting away at me and happy to be there… Nope, I’m just going to be excited to get out of the house to go look at the decorated Christmas trees on display there.

Hopefully, by being a little positive in each of our daily activities, I will form a habit of thinking positive when it comes to other things.
Click HERE to add this linky to your own post!

The We Do Listen Foundation {#Giveaway (12/5) US & Can}

I've wanted to write up this post for over a week, but just couldn't find the time. Yeah, I could have done a quickie post... But I think The We Do Listen Foundation deserves more than that. This non-profit's mission is to help children learn to communicate their emotions effectively and find their own inner peace (how cool is that?!)

So, how do they do this? Check out the We Do Listen Foundation Web site. There, you will find FREE animated books, songs, posters and non-violent games. Additionally, the foundation sells nine Howard B. Wigglebottom books. The books are pretty darn great! Each one is focused on a subject that is important to children's personal growth, self-love, and general emotional well-being. Some of the topics covered in the books include: listening to what others have to say, bullying, anger management, divorce, peer pressure, and the need to belong. I received a book on the last subject for this review, and I love it!

My oldest was always pretty happy with himself. That is, until he decided to go to "real" school. The first month was pretty hard for him. His dad had cancer and was pretty sick at the time, so I attributed his quiet, withdrawn behavior to that. Then, I received a call from his teacher. It seems that he had started to make up unbelievable stories about himself - things he had done, toys he owned, people he knew, etc. - and the other kids knew that he was lying, the stories were just too amazing to be true. He wanted them to like him and thought this was the way to do it. After a long talk about listening to his own heart and being himself, then reassuring him that he would find friends who liked him just for who he really was, he managed to get past this huge speed bump. Within another month, he was one of the most popular kids in the class due to his empathetic nature (oh, and he was "totally cool" because he could draw neat pictures, too! LOL)

I really believe that the Howard B. Wigglebottom books, games, songs, and lesson plans would have prepared my oldest for his first taste of "I'm better than you because I _(fill in the blank)_" that seems to run rampant in classrooms.  In the book Howard B. Wigglebottom Listens to His Heart, written by Howard Binkow and illustrated by Susan F, Cornelison, Howard (a cute bunny who has the same feelings and makes the same mistakes that most children do) wants desperately to fit in. When his classmates laugh at him when they see him doing his very favorite thing, he vows to never do it again. Instead, he tries doing all sorts of other things that he thinks will make the other kids view him as being "cool".He screws them all up... miserably. He has a talk with his grandfather about the troubles he's having and, without telling him what to do, Grandpa steers Howard in the right direction. In the end, Howard is once again caught doing his favorite thing but, this time, he is cheered for it!

I am so glad to have this book for Little Guy. He's pretty self-confident right now, but you just never know when that confidence will crumble. It happened to my oldest! I've also been taking Little Guy to the Foundation's Web site to watch the animated versions of all of the Howard B. Wigglebottom books, play games, and learn new (catchy) songs. I've also taken some time to read over the lesson plans. There are some really great ideas in them! I think that, at three years old, it's the perfect time to introduce him to these concepts. Although I don't intend for Little Guy to go to school (he's 100% the unschooling type!), he'll still be around other children and need to be prepared for the inevitable.

I strongly urge you to go check out The We Do Listen Foundation's Web site and then head over to their online store. Right now, for U.S. buyers, all hardcover books are on sale for only $6 each (regularly $15)! And you can buy all 10 books for just $50. In addition to the Foundation's online store, you can find Howard B. Wigglebottom books nearly anywhere books are sold throughout the U.S. and Canada.

So, would you like to WIN your choice of a Howard B. Wigglebottom hardcover book for a special child in your life? Just enter in the Rafflecopter form below!

(Not Really) My Personal Mission Statement {Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

Note: I’m not going to spill the whole can of beans in this post, so there will be some things left unexplained. If I were to open up and just dump everything, this post would be an eBook and I’d probably send Blogger offline due to the amount of memory it would take. So, the loose ends are there only because there’s just not enough time and space to explore everything I’d like to in this post. Also, I’m going to start off somewhere out of the ballpark, then make a bee-line through left field Stay with me… I’m zeroed in on home plate and will get there!

I’ve had over a week to really concentrate on some of the questions that were asked in The Parenting Passageway’s first Mindful Mothering post. The problem is that, though I write “I” at least a hundred times a day. “I think/believe/feel that …” Yet, when it came time to really examine who I am now, I couldn’t find any definition(s) that were accurate. You see, my husband became physically disabled a few months before Little Guy was born. At the time, I was taking online classes and had a very specific goal in mind: I would earn my degree in education in June of 2011 and start the 2011/2012 school year as either a teacher or a substitute in an elementary classroom. And, up until early this year, all was going as planned.

Then I had to start dropping classes. You see, along with chronic pain that was slowly and steadily increasing, my husband started to have mental problems. I don’t know if it was the constant pain that caused it, maybe the medications that he’d been on (Lyrica is poison – do not ever take the stuff, please!), or (most likely) a combination of the two. I have a good understanding of the reasons behind many of his screwy behaviors, but understanding doesn’t make those behaviors more bearable. He’d be up for days on end, unable to sleep. He’d forget if he took his medications… so he’d take more. He’d wander down the stairs and outside in search of the bathroom at 3am. He’d turn on the oven to make God only knows what and then forget it was on. Then, when he’d finally pass out, he’d have terrible nightmares that would cause him to yell out, hit, push, kick… he’d sleepwalk doing this. Sometimes, these nightmares would wake him after only a couple of hours of sleep and he’d be back up and wandering around. Add the fact that he has problems with his bones that cause severe throbbing pain that is barely touched by pain medications and rubs. Now, he’s wandering around - sometimes banging into things, sometimes trying to carry heavy items – he’d end up hurting himself even more… This is still going on and it’s getting worse by the day, I don’t know why it’s all in past tense. Just go with it for me? (I need to add in here that he's not like this 24/7. He has good days and bad days. Sometimes we get 2-3 good days in a row. Other times, we have hours that are good and some that are bad. I just never, ever know what's coming next.)

Anyway, take the problems with my husband and add a two-year-old with a lot of moxie. Little Guy is not an easy-going kid who lets others make decisions for him. He’s full of self-esteem & pride in his “I do it myself” abilities. He can be very stubborn (got that one from me – my motto was “I’m Always Right” up until just a few years ago!) He feels that if he is physically or cognitively able to do something, then he should always be allowed to do it. He needs to be watched every minute he’s awake. I’m not kidding. I can’t even run to the bathroom to pee without coming back to a child who’s poised on the edge of a bookshelf or covered on black Sharpie. Therefore, everywhere I go, he goes. I have to take showers with him. I tried taking them at night or naptime, when he’s asleep. No – he has a little guy in his ear who yells, “NOW!” over and over until he wakes up. There’s some kind of intuition in him where he just knows.  With my husband wandering around all of the time and Little Guy just waiting for my attention to be diverted, I really need to be on my toes. 

Then there’s my oldest. I really can’t say enough good things about him. He helps me out with Little Guy. He helps keep tabs on hubby. He does his homework (all A’s and B’s!), he on the cross-country team and working hard. However, he’s also a teenage boy. I understand his frustrations, I really do. But this is his family and I need help sometimes when he’d rather sit around doing nothing. He’s never talked back to me; he’ll eventually take out the trash… My problem with him actually lies inside me. I can’t be the mom I want to be to him. He’s relied upon too much for someone his age, yet I can’t do it all by myself. We rarely get one-on-one time, I feel the chasm between us widening, and I panic. But what can I do? 

Now, with all three of these people who I love so dearly needing so much from me, doing anything for myself just became a luxury. I mean, I can’t go to the coffee shop downtown by myself and sip on a latte while reading my favorite book. I haven’t done a girls’ night out (or even “in”) for so long that no one even asks me anymore. The last time I did any artwork for myself was… LOL – I don’t know! I’m not feeling sorry for myself about these things. My family comes before the luxuries. I just don’t even think of my wants anymore. It's not as if I have no happiness. Read my posts – I can look at the good in my family and enjoy it so thoroughly! 

So, I attempted to do my schoolwork late at night. I’d be so tired that my papers looked like something a sixth-grader would write. I’d figure out which assignments were worth the most points and only do those to save myself time and frustration. When I got too far behind, I’d have to drop the class…Finally, it caught up with me. My student financial aid package was so screwed up from all of the drops that, this past month, I was told I’d have to wait at least until next June to take any more classes without having to pay out-of-pocket. We now have no money coming in. I am currently in panic mode. 

Getting a job is out of the question. Without a degree, my education means nothing. I can hope for waiting tables or some other minimum wage job. With earned income, we’ll be cut off Medicaid coverage, meaning my husband WILL die (he has many other health problems that require a doctor’s constant supervision, testing, and medications.) My husband would need to be supervised by someone (?) and I don’t see him agreeing to one of those adult care facilities. Little Guy, who has only had two vaccinations, would need to be “brought up to code” and sent to day care – both of which I am very much against. My oldest would be forced to take even more responsibility and I’d see even less of him. Oh, and after paying for medical bills, day care, and someone to watch hubby, do you think there’s be enough to even buy a single decent meal for my family (I know there wouldn’t be money for rent and utilities!) I’d be working 40+ hours a week while other people (or no one at all) care for my family and for absolutely nothing in the end. (*Check out Bowling for Columbine's part about the little boy who shot a classmate in Flint, MI. The Michigan Works program hasn't changed one bit.]

That’s where I am right now. Trying not to freak out, trying to keep everyone safe AND happy, trying to decide for all four of us what the next step will be. That’s when I realized what my personal mission statement should be. 

PEACE.

Okay, I should explain a little more. I need inner peace. My mind goes around and around. While spinning (yarn) the other night, I managed to find some peace. My thoughts just stopped and I wasn’t anywhere in particular. This is what real meditation is, right? No thinking, just being? Peace = A quiet mind. 

I get very angry with many people. At doctors who just write my husband a prescription for whatever the last drug, rep was selling. At my oldest for begrudgingly slamming the door because I finally lost it and told him to take out the garbage (NOW!) rather than asked him nicely (again… and again…) At Little Guy for running to the computer and opening 1,000 tabs the second I head to the kitchen to get a refill of coffee. And, especially, at my husband for not being my husband – just another (very big) kid that I have to watch over. The last one is very, very hard for me. I get extremely infuriated with him. Sometimes, it just feels as if he acts the way he does because he can. As if he has a license to not take any responsibility for his actions and not even try to change them because a doctor gave him a label: ADHD, memory loss, insomnia, depression, bipolar – pick one, he's been told he's got them all. Oh, and there are more, too. (Just one more reason for me to not care for most doctors!) 

Anyway, this anger builds and builds in me. I usually blow right about the time PMS sets in. I just lose it – I let everything go and no one feels good about anything afterward. I’ve tried to write my thoughts down to just get them out of my head to keep this ferocious wife and mother from surfacing, but it doesn’t help. I need to tell someone about it. I would LOVE to head to a psychologist’s office once a week just to unload my tensions and anxieties. I can’t. Nowhere to put Little Guy and hubby for the hour or so that I’d be gone. I can’t talk to my family about this. Hubby was NOT welcomed into the family when we married to begin with! The news of Little Guy was received with more tsk-tsk’s than smiles. Moreover, these people seem to think that my oldest is a slacker who needs to learn how to be a man. I do not know where to get my Peace from on this one, but it is something that I will think about as often as possible. I know the answer is sitting right in front of me… 

Revenge is toxic. I do not wish to “get even” with those who have done me wrong. It’s just not right. And, hey, there’s always karma to even things up, right? Well, I thought long and hard about karma this past week and have decided to look at it in a different light – the one I believe it was meant to be seen in. You see, saying, “What comes around goes around,” is just another way of feeling vengeance. A person who says this feels good in knowing that the person who has wronged her will end up getting paid back eventually. I don’t want to feel that spiteful. I still believe in karma, but I’m not waiting to see what happens to so-and-so after they’ve treated me badly. Peace = Letting go.

I have a few more peaceful revelations that I’ve come across this past week, but I’m going to close up that can of beans before someone around here knocks it over. I’m going to brainstorm the anger thing… I really feel that if I can get it under control, things will look so much better for all of us. PEACE isn’t going to solve any of my problems – I’m not going to disillusion myself! Nevertheless, it sure will make me strong enough to deal with whatever is coming next. 

Check out the other Mindful Parenting Collaboration posts below and, please, if you’ve written a post about inner work and/or a personal mission statement, I invite you to link it below! Collaboration means group effort – we’d love to hear your opinion on the subject.

Michigan Spinning Company - Review and Extra (Easy) Entry {#MadeInMichigan}

This is a review for one of my sponsors of the Made in Michigan Blog Giveaway Hop, which will take place from October 28 – November 2. I will be offering my readers the chance to win a (Hand)Made in Michigan prize package worth nearly $200! Please take a moment to read about this wonderful Etsy shop and then fill out the Rafflecopter form below for a very easy extra entry into the giveaway.



We all wear clothes, right? (Well, most of us - Little Guy has decided to venture into nudist territory lately.) Did you even consider the fact that everything we wear - from wool to cotton to synthetics all start with spinning fibers together to create a thread or yarn, which is then woven into some kind of fabric and put together into clothing. Now, consider how long people have been doing this. These are the kind of thoughts that are akin to contemplating how insignificant one is, while laying on a hill and looking at stars on a warm summer night. The thoughts that come rushing in can be mind-boggling. Well, at least, that's how it's been for me for the past two hours.

Debra, owner of Michigan Spinning Company on Etsy, sent me a handmade (in Michigan!) Maple & Birch Top Whorl Drop Spindle and some beautifully hand-dyed Shetland Wool Roving (also from Michigan!) to try out. Now, the closest I've ever gotten to working with roving was when I was about 10 years old and visited Greenfield Village. One of the displays had a basket of freshly-washed wool, some carding supplies, and a giant spinning wheel all ready for inexperienced visitors to try out. I think I made the biggest ball of fuzz on a string in the history of humans spinning!

So, you can imagine my apprehension when I opened the package from Michigan Spinning Company and had the weird spindle thingy in one hand and a giant roll of loosely-braided roving in the other. How in the world can I use this stick with a circle and hook on it to turn this fluffy stuff into something I can knit with?! Then I calmed myself by remembering that someone, a very, very, very long time ago, figured out hoe to do this without the benefits of having the roving and spindle delivered by USPS and the Internet with Google and YouTube videos! Now, I don't have sound on my computer, but just watching a few of these videos and the various techniques people use made it possible for me to feel confident enough to get started. And, you know what? I MADE YARN! Really!!! All by myself - for TWO hours. Debra warned me that it was addictive, but I really had no idea it would be such a great feeling. Oh, and meditative, too. For those two hours, I was able to just stare at the spinning spindle and contemplate all those ideas I mentioned above.

Now, I have to share Michigan Spinning Company's Mission Statement because they've succeeded 100% by simply sending me these things to review.

"Michigan Spinning Company is dedicated to promoting and preserving Fiber Art Traditions, including but not limited to, the art of natural fiber processing, hand dyeing, handspinning, knitting and weaving. We have a hands-on approach to learning and eagerly share our experience and enthusiasm for the Fiber Arts through informal informational videos, audio/video podcasting, newsletters, and participation in local Fiber Festivals and Events. We believe in the importance of introducing young people to the Fiber Arts, educating them in the traditions of earlier generations, fostering their love and appreciation for things handmade, and encouraging them to pass on their acquired knowledge and enthusiasm to future generations."

Did you take note of the mention of "young people" and "future generations"? My kids will be learning how to do this, too! My oldest has the most agile fingers and I just know he's do well with it. And, even at three, Little Guy could do this. Just think of the education and pride they'll get out of learning this. And, as kids who've been taught to ask questions, I know that we'll probably end up heading to the library to learn more about different fibers used for clothing, the science behind spinning, how clothes are made... the possibilities are endless!

You can find Michigan Spinning on Etsy, Facebook, and Twitter. You can also follow on their Blog!
Disclosure: I received one Drop Spindle and +/- 6 oz. Wool Roving from Michigan Spinning for the purpose of this review. I have received no other form of compensation. All opinions are 100% my own.

Are You Up for the Mindful Parenting Collaboration?

I have been following along with Hybrid Rasta Mama's Mindful Mothering Challenge posts for quite a while now - she just finished it! I've wanted to jump in and start taking part in my own challenge, but just never had the push to do it. Writing my submission (HERE) to the Mindful Mama Blog Carnival (hosted by TouchstoneZ and Becoming Crunchy) last month got me heading in the right direction, but I still didn't have the motivation I needed.  

Fate intervened and I received an email from Erin (it's OK), asking me if I would be interested in joining her in this Mindful Mothering challenge and blogging about it. I have to admit that I did NOT get back to her right away. This would mean that I'd have absolutely no choice to quit once I got going. Now, you'll notice, if you've been reading my blog for very long, that I tend to start things, say, "I plan to post about this every so often." then you never hear about it again. I don't have anyone to answer to but myself, so I just procrastinate until it's too late and then throw the whole idea out the window. I swear, I have a TON of posts in draft on Blogger, MS Word, and in notebooks that just need to have finishing touches added and they're ready to go - good posts! No motivation or anyone counting on me to post, so I don't. Well, this endeavor is different - I have another person counting on me to do my part. I will (hopefully) have people looking forward to my posts each week and bloggers who'd like to join in. When someone counts on me to do something, I can't let them down, so this is a year-long commitment I'm getting myself into! 

Read below for information!

Beginning October 21st McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts and it’s OK will be co-hosting a Mindful Parenting Collaboration.

What is This?!

This collaboration is based on The Parenting Passageway's 20 Days Toward More Mindful Mothering, originally posted in 2009. Recently Hybrid Rasta Mama (and others, as well) followed this as the Mindful Mothering Challenge. It was originally done as one concept per day to consider in examining your parenting and how to make it more conscious, loving and effective. Hybrid Rasta Mama spent more time, roughly one week, working through each of the concepts. We thought we'd spend two weeks on each one, to allow us time to consider the concept, apply it to our parenting, write about our experience, and read other people's results as well. 

Why "Mindful Parenting Collaboration"?  We wanted to keep this open to all parents. Maybe, if both mom and dad are going to take part in this together, they may want to take turns writing posts... "Collaboration", I think, is more appropriate to the mindful theme here. I keep reading posts on the subject of mindful parenting and see that many have written that this shouldn't be work or something that is hard to do. Since I have yet to go through all of the steps, it looks to me like I'm standing at the foot of a huge, rocky mountain. Maybe I just can't see the gently sloping path...

We invite you to join us!

How it works:

We'll explore 20 aspects of mindful parenting, such as gentle discipline, realistic expectations, rhythm, nature, working through the body, and inner work. One week, we'll post and discuss a concept to consider, invite you to set a personal goal relating to it, and share our goals. The next week, we'll post our results of working with our goal, and invite you to link up your own results. If you've done the challenge in the past, you're welcome to link up your posts on the appropriate week as well! We welcome those who've "been there, done that" to share their own experiences with us. You may even want to consider writing a short reflection post, telling us how things are going with each particular subject in the present.

 Please feel free to grab the button. Eventually, I'll figure out a way to share the code in a "fancy" code box with you! For now, here's the HTML:
 

<a href="http://mccrenshaw.blogspot.com/search/label/Mindful%20Parenting%20Collaboration"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_01xcNlkw7v5iGDgE1md4HZLykD9-hg4SXVOh3XKs_6Axd0QqLEUmFWa0beCNki2qi8MpgSjmLKrs9ZI_X38phZCz2AyTx0sfIpmnN7i56cRPsVidnzNZNsgocRCYBeCy2SdMIgF1llPB/s200/Mindful+Parenting+Button+2.jpg" width="125" /></a>

How conscious is your parenting?

* Image for the button is from Flickr's Creative Commons 

World #Peace Before 2021 {Gotta read this!}

Have you heard of Axil Kollist? If not, you should know about this amazing kid. At the age of six, Axil learned about the horrors of war and the effects that war has on civilians around the world. He wanted to do something, anything, to get the message out that world peace really is attainable. He chose 2021 as his goal for world peace because that is the year that he will turn 21 years old. Think his ideas are too grand to be realized? Consider what he wrote on his Web site, World Peace Before 2021:

"My Mom told me that President John Kennedy set a goal that the USA land a Man on the Moon before 1970. People didn’t think it could be done. But with a lot of hard work, that ‘impossible’ goal was reached. And just in time.. In July of 1969. My goal for World Peace Before 2021 may seem impossible.. But really it isn’t!"

So, how is a kid activist going about spreading his message? The simplest ways imaginable, that's how. On the Web site, you can request a free Bumper Sticker to put on your car (well, ours is on the tote bag I carry around with Little Guy's extra change of clothes, snacks,  and just-in-case bandages!) I've been asked about that sticker more times than I can recall, so merely displaying it somewhere really does help spread the word! He's now 11 years old and has already sent out tens of thousands of these bumper stickers all over the world and currently has them in English, French, and Spanish (you can help him out by going here and translating his message into another language for him!) He's also distributing Buttons to anyone, worldwide, who emails him to request one. You can read about how Axil got started with his distribution in this article about his winning the Little Humanitarian Award in 2007.

And, yet another way that Axil is sharing his message is through song! You can listen to it at the bottom of this post (I can't get the video to move! LOL). It is also embedded on the World Peace before 2021 Web site.

Now, why am I writing about this? Because Axil's mom recently wrote a submission to the Reader's Digest Your Life contest. The winner will receive $25,000, and I can only imagine what he'd be able to do with that money! He needs your votes to win this thing, so please consider heading over and voting for PEACE! HERE is the direct link to the entry.  You will have to have to like Reader's Digest on Facebook to vote (sorry). I already like them, so I didn't have to find out. You can vote once every 24 hours - Voting ends 11/15/2011.